Team Beast vs Teen Titans
by writerzero
Summary: The Teen Titans are in disarray, with the actions of both Robin and Raven having devastated the team. Will the team reforge itself, and become stronger, or will it fall apart? And where in this will Beast Boy stand? I 'plan' for this to be BBxJinx, with other pairing among the other characters.
1. Chapter 1

**I do NOT own Teen Titans**

 _Notes: Some themes will be adult in nature, though I don't plan on writing anything too explicit. Also, it will not be BBxRae, even though that is the pairing I do favor._

 _Time: A few months after 'Things Change.' Excludes 'Trouble in Tokyo.'_

* * *

 _ **Waking Up, . . .**_

Violet eyes sleepily opened, and started to peer around the sparsely-furnished room. Raven frowned, not caring at all for the bright-yellow walls that contrasted the dark furniture, or the way the sunlight dancing across a yellow and black rug aroused a queasiness within her half-demon side. _Oh well,_ she mused with a slight smile, as the luxurious warmth around her penetrate every fibre of her being, and with a happy sigh she snuggled closer to the person she shared the bed with. _Waking up here does have its benefits._ Her hands, roaming, caused her brown-skinned companion to emit an exited gasp.

"Keep that up and I'm chaining you up in here," a husky voice stated, sounding as if it meant every word. "You'll be forced to cuddle whenever I want you to."

"Mmmmm," Raven murmured . "Sounds good to me."

"You'll only get books when you pleas . . . . "

"There's no way you could handle me when you talk so much, " Raven interrupted, licking her companion's ear, silencing any discourse. Her strong, nimble fingers went to work, while her lips eagerly sought those of her lover. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of heated passion.

All too soon she and her lover parted. "I better get going," Raven said, falling back upon a voice void of emotion. "I'll check on . . . him . . . and bring you back some coffee." Rising she started to dress, noting with a satisfied glee as bright eyes followed her every move. Taking more time than she once would've, the half-demon woman pulled on a pair of black panties and bra. Having turn the art of dressing into a dance, those eyes were once again filled with lust by the time she finished adjusting her leotard. Deciding to skip wearing her cape, she tossed a smile towards the bed, and strode from the room, stoically marching towards the first duties of the morning.

 _ **The Ball of Doom, . . .**_

"Morning," Beast Boy greeted the woman as she entered the kitchen.

"Morning," Raven replied, nose twtiching. "Hrm . . . ." She looked towards the table, seeing just the one plate.

"The Mad Vandal of Titan's Tower made a hit-and-run attack earlier," Beast Boy explained. "No meat left. Waffles or a muffin?" he asked.

"Don't call him that. What happened wasn't his fault." Raven frowned, her heart near breaking with sorrow at the destruction she'd caused.

"Waffles it is then," the shapeshifter replied with a careless shrug. Grabbing the last of the tofu bacon from his plate he rose to start cooking breakfast for the hungry half-demon. In Titan's Tower there were two rules for the kitchen. One was to stay the heck away when Starfire cooked. Not that they needed that rule any longer with the red-haired girl gone. The second was never to leave Raven alone in the kltchen. She might be able to brew tea, but . . . . The shapeshifter shuddered, wondering how trying to warm a muffin in a microwave resulted in were-demons running loose, or how an attempt to make pancakes could unlease . . . whatever that thing had been. Since then Raven didn't cook. Period.

Raven sighed, and took a seat, furitively eyeing her fellow Titan. To her bewilderment, he, the kid of the group, the jokester, was the only Titan who'd survived the last few weeks as his usual cheery self. Heart aching, she continued to watch.

Pan sizzling, waffles starting to cook, Beast Boy noticed the way the woman was staring at him. "Stop that," he told her. "You don't want to make a ceretain someone jealous, do you?" He winked at her.

Raven gulped, turning white. "Don't joke about that Beast Boy, not that." She closed her eyes, shuddering.

"Relax," the shapeshifter told her. "Things will heal. Relationships patch themselves up so long as people work at it. Our bonds won't be broken." He paused, frowning slightly. "Just be twisted beyond redemption, and then reforged as an unrelenting and psychotic need for jealously and hatred, and . . . . Okay, I'm dying here," he said, smirking at the woman. "What other words can I fill in there?"

"I think you've said enough." Raven slumped down in her chair. "Are you still . . ." She didn't know how to finish the question.

"Interested in you?" Beast Boy asked, checking the waffles, and then flipping them over.

"Yeah." Raven cringed. " Even before . . . that, they hadn't talked about that. Not knowing what to do she'd just ignored it, and been selfish enough to enjoy the attention, the warm glow that came from him whenever he looked her way.

"I know you're taken Raven." The shapeshifter shrugged, sighing loudly. "Some animals bond for life, and other animals can smell that bond. That's the scent I get from you two. I can't change it, so I can only accept it."

"Oh." The tower shuddered, causing her to cringe.

"Seems the Mad Vandal is at it again," Beast Boy said, and actually chuckled. "Poor guy."

"That's not funny," Raven retorted. "That's my family being torn apart, and it's my fault.

"That's the thing with being a family, Raven," Beast Boy said with a comforting smile. "We're a family, warts and all, for good or bad. We will always have a special place in our hearts for each other."

"Yeah," snorted the girl. "And my place in their hearts will be the traitor they want to rip apart and feed to Killer Moth's moths."

"Hardly." Beast Boy slid the waffles from the frying pan onto a clean plate. "Breakfast is served," he told the girl.

"Thanks." With some effort she tossed a tiny smile towards her friend. "And I'm sorry that . . . I . . . that . . . ."

"That it wasn't me you chose?" Beast Boy gritted his teeth, forcing himself to sound nonchalant. "It's okay. And you don't have to worry about me going berserk or anything. Knowing something is unchangeable helps you to accept it."

"Oh." She tool a bite of the perfectly cooked waffles before pouring spreading a ton of blueberry jam across them. For some reason that reminded her of Starfire.

"That wasn't your fault," Beast Boy told the girl, knowing almost by instinct what had gotten her down this time. "She's an incredible woman, born of a proud warrior race." He shrugged. "That she would leave when our oh-so-glorious leader cheated . . . ."

"Yeah." Raven stared down at her waffles, not realizing she was crying until she saw the tears fall onto the blueberry jam. "But she's gone, and what I did was just as bad. Infact, it was the exact same thing."

"Well, " Beast Boy tried to reply, but was forced to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. "Bird Brain did mess up in a pretty spectacular way though, you've got to admit."

Raven felt a giggle almost overtake her, and ruthlessly crushed the urge. There was no way it could be funny, but . . . . Everyone in the tower, except Starfire, had at least thought it likely Robin was cheating on the Tamerean, and all of them had, with dismal results, tried to talk to him about it. The guy had merely shrugged it off, and suggested they mind their own business. Then had come the day of the ball celebrating the five-hundredth anniversary of the founding of Jump City. It wasn't that everyone was asked to come, everyone _had_ to. It was the Jump City event of the century, and even heroes need the approval of the people in whose cities they operate.

Raven closed her eyes, able to see it happen all over again in her all too vivid imagination. _She, herself, had worn a dress, of all things, that'd had pink in it. Even now it made her want to cry. As for Starfire, when people had looked at her they'd needed sunglasses. The red dress was decent enough. It left her upper back bare, and had shown just enoujgh cleavage to distract the average male, yet had fallen to just above her knees. Combined with elegant, red boots and dainty, red gloves, it'd been just a bit too colorful. The usually gorgeous alien had looked stunning in it. In contrast the necklace she'd worn, even if worth a not-so-minor fortune, had looked plain. A matching bracelet had been on her wrist. On her hand, her left ring finger to be precise, there'd been her most prized possession, given to her by Robin during the start of the ball in front of more than five-thousand guests: an engagement ring with a massive, orange Sunstone, circled by flawlessly polished rubies, emeralds, sapphires, topaz, peridots, aquamarines and goodness only knew what else to respresent the rays of a star. As jewelry went it'd made even Raven a bit jealous. Eyes aglow, Starfire had spent most of the evening staring at the ring with a silly grin on her face. At last the boy of her dreams was paying attention to her, and the girl was in heaven, . . . . ._

 _But it turned out the mayor of Jump City had three sons, and each had brought a stunningly beautiful, wealthy, and supposedly respectable woman with him. One of them, a black-haired, petite-looking woman in a cute black dress, had followed Starfire for most of the night, alternatively scowling and looking to be on the brink of tears. Eventually she'd broke, and grabbing an axe from a nearby display dedicated to the firemen of Jump City, had attacked the happy Titan. "He's mine," the woman had cried, sobbing as she'd swung the axe. She'd taken just the one wild swing, not even coming close to the shocked Titan, before she'd dropped the weapon and held up her own hand; on it there's been a simple diamond engagement ring. "See," she'd screamed._

 _"Fuck you," a second woman, the date of another of the Mayor's sons had screamed, holding up her own hand to show off a nice, if none-too-extravagant, emerald engagement ring. "He's mine, you sluts." Her shoulder-lenght hair, dyed a pretty pink, had swirled around her head as she'd arched her fingers into claws and feverishly attacked the girl who was still holding up her diamond engagement ring._

 _A spray of foam had soaked Starfire and the two fighting girls, when a third woman, a blonde who was the date of the third son of the Mayor had sprayed them with a fire extinguisher. "Get your own man, you assholes," she'd raged, showing off a cute peridot engagement ring before rushing into the brawl. "Fuck you bitches, fuck you bitches, . . . ." Her voice could be heard even as the battle intensified._

Raven hung her head, lost in thought as the scene continused to play out in her mind. That the mayor had three sons who'd had three dates wasn't bad enough , no . . . . She sighed. He's also had three daughters who'd had too much common sense to make a fuss when Robin had given Starfire that engagement ring, but when that brawl had started . . . .

 _"You damn cunts," the mayor's eldest daughter, Michelle, had screamed. "My fucking ring is the best." She'd held up a sparkling diamond engagement ring that must've cost a fortune, and continued screaming, "That cheating prick is going to marry me." In a flurry of brown hair and blue dress she'd waded into battle._

 _"Fuck you Michelle," the mayor's youngest daughter, Emily, had raged. "You're not stealling this guy from me you bitch. Diamonds are nothing to rubies." She'd held up her ring finger to show off a sparkling-red engagement ring, and then rush into battle. Her red hair and blue dress had disappeared into the mass._

 _"Eeeeeeeeeeeee . . . ." The scream had made no sense, but several of the more delicate of the wine glasses held by the guests had shattered, and the middle daughter of the mayor had then simply held up her hand, showing off a pretty aquamarine ring. "Alway Michelle this and Emily that," she'd ranted, eyes glowing with soul-chilling rage. To the shocked onlookers her first blow was clearly seen as she'd marched up to the pile of female flesh that was waging war in the middle of the ballroom floor, and patiently waited. When the behind of her oldest sister, clothed only in a pair of plain blue panties amidst a ripped blue dress, had briefly poked its way out of the mess she'd kicked. Her slipper, which looked to be made of glass, had cruelly ripped into that fragile garment and disappeared from view. When the foot was withdrawn it was missing the slipper, while from the battle there came a cry of such anguish that several more glasses had shattered as the guests gulped, and let them slip from numb fingers._

"Not funny," Raven told herself, taking a gulp of cooling herbal tea. That slipper had penetrated the girl's vagina and . . . . She shuddered, clenching her legs together. But the dates of the three sons of the mayor, and his three daughters had not been enough. Nope, not for that penis brained idot of a leader of theirs. There'd been heroes at that dance, and they'd brought dates. Raven closed her eyes as she continued to relive the past.

 _The Daily Planet had had a writing competition to see who would attend the ball with Superman, and Cherry, a star reporter from a local highschool newspaper club, had won. The prize had included a ride to and from Jump City in the arms of Superman, and three days accomadations in the tower of the Teen Titans. Cherry might've had her cherry when she got to Jump City, but she hadn't had it when she'd left. On the plus side, she did have a shiny new engagement ring, and a promise of marriage from Robin. On the day of the ball she too had join in the 'Engagement Ring Free for All' as it was now famously called._

 _Then there was Tammy, the little sister of the woman the Flash was currently dating. Not to mention Kim, the date of Bruce Banner._

"Just how many of the people who were at that damned ball did he screw?" the half-demon girl finally screamed, her glass of tea still clutched in a white-knuckled grasp.

"That's the million dollar question," Beast Boy sighed. "I counted forty-three, but the current count for the prize is forty-five."

Raven sighed, forcing herself to release her grasp on the glass. Some villainous group somewhere had offered a million-dollar prize to the person who could identify the most girls who'd engaged in the 'Engagement Ring Free for All.' With that sort of motive more than five billion people around the world had watched, and rewatched, the video footage from that accursed ball, trying to make sense of the pandemonium. She, like Beast Boy, had only managed to count forty-three, but for all she knew Penis Brain might've found three invisible girls to do the dirty deed with. Or perhaps there were three midgets the cameras hadn't caught. Or, she fumed, perhaps some of them were like Cherry and were of questionable age.

"Too bad it wasn't made into a movie," Beast Boy said, smirking.

Raven smirked a little herself. Of all the people only Starfire had kept her dignity, floating above the brawl. Then, with fury in her eyes, she'd stormed though the maelstrom, hurting no one; but at the end every woman there had been stripped bare of everything except those engagement rings they were so proud of. Michelle, the girl with the glass slipper in her pussy, had been deposited naked at a first-aid station. All that bare female flesh of so many high status women was another reason the event was so famous, with porn producers the world over rushing to buy up the footage captured by more than a thousand cell phones. To their regret, due to the questionable age of some of the participants, the footage had been banned from stores, but the market was huge and there were collectors out there trying to get as much of the footage as they could. After all, you never knew when new footage from a different camera might reveal a different girl.

 _ **The Stench of Battle, . . . (or the return of a much overused villian)**_

Beast Boy chuckled, and placed a hot cup of black coffee in front of Raven. "With that image in your mind I'm sure you want to get back to you know who and . . . ." He smirked. "I know I would if I were in your shoes. And I'm sure Penis Brain is out there racking up a bigger count of fiances somewhere. He must be working extra hard to top that little event of his."

"He better not be," Raven snarled, and the tower shook. She glanced around, not sure if the cause was her, or if it was the work of the Mad Vandal. With a rueful sigh, she stood and impulsively pulled Beast Boy to her in a hug. "Thanks," she simply said before releasing him. Turning she reached for the cup of coffee, only to have a strong green hand touch her shoulder, and turned her back towards the shapeshifter so that she could see those comforting green eyes.

"Don't worry about Starfire, okay, Raven? She the strongest of a strong people, and she will be back. That I promise you." His voice was sure, and booked no disagreement. "And this I also promise, When she comes back it won't be as a defeated Starfire, or a cowed girl. She will be back as a warrior." He released her shoulder. "As for you and Cyborg, it will work out. People are hurt, and they heal. In a world of billions, do you think this is the first time something like this has happened." His lips turned up and he snorted.

"Guess not," Raven admitted, feeling her heart beat more freely. Lately every hint of happiness had been tinted with guilt. Perhaps it was time to try to move beyond that, and perhaps she could in some way help repair the damage she'd caused. For all her powers of magic, it was the shapeshifter, her best friend, who was the master of all things human. She would trust his lead. Turning she reached for the now cold coffee . . . .

The sound a powerful fart echoed through the tower, causing the two of them to fall to their knees, clutching frenetically at their noses.

"Just for the record, that wasn't me," Beast Boy gasped, desperately struggling not to breathe too deep. Eyes tearing up, he collapsed to the floor, kicking feebly.

"I hope you don't think it was me," Raven replied, wishing she'd worn her cape to breathe though. "Oh Azareth," she weakly moaned, with one hand pinching her nostrils shut and the other over her mouth. Overwhelmed by the stench she curled up in a ball.

His kicking having moved him close to a wastebasket, Beast Boy grabbed at it, still half blind from way his eyes were tearing up, and puked. He kept his head down in the basket, knowing his own vomit would be less nauseating than the smell that now dominated the tower. "Not again," he gasped.

"Mine," Raven wheezed, and grabbed the basket in a tug of war that could have no mercy. She too puke, and frantically tried to keep her head down in the stomache-churning reek of the basket.

"Mercy," Beast Boy pleaded, blindly flailing around for the life-saving basket with one arm. He stopped moving.

Raven puked in the basket again with such force it splattered into the air, covering her face. "Oh Azareth, have mercy," she groaned, and stopped moving.

Wearing a gas mask, Robin rushed into the room and yelled, "Team Ready!" Looking around, he sighed and pulled two more gas masks out of a satchel. Moving with practiced speed, he quickly put them on his two friends. "How many time do I have to tell them?" he muttered angrily.

"Me," Bumblebee frantically gasped, crawling in through a door. She'd jumped out a window when the fart had struck, and had only crawled back in to save her friends.

Robin gritted his teeth, and handed the near death girl a mask. "People, you need to do better," the leader stated, seeing Beast Boy and Raven start to twitch. "It's not like this is my fault," he then fumed, turning to glare at Bumblebee and Raven. "I may to be blame for a lot of things that have happened around here recently, but not this." He sighed. "At least I don't think I am." He looked around again. "Who would think something that feels so good could cause so much trouble."

"I'm awake, sir." Raven slowly sat up, still feeling sick, but conscious.

"Don't call me sir," their leader said without feeling.

"Ready and able, sir," Beast Boy said, shakily trying to stand. He collapased back to the floor.

"Seriously, . . . ." Robin sighed, wearily sitting down on the floor himself. "I hate the new alarm," he stated, head hanging.

"Me too," Raven admitted.

"Count me in there," Beast Boy added. "Though when I'm a dog it does get rid of the fleas. He should try marketing it."

"Only the insane would use it," BumbleBee said, frowning intensely. "Sorry folks. It's my fault."

"Okay people." Beast Boy made another attempt to stand, and managed it. Barely. "There's a mission, and we should get to it. No pity parties."

Robin gave the order, and the team assembled outside, safe from the Fart Alarm, as the Mad Vandal, aka Cyborg, called it. In fit of rage he'd changed the Titan's alarm to the sound of a fart, and added in the miasma to suite it. He'd then amplified it a thousandfold.

"Okay people," Robin stated, standing tall infront of the team. "This villian is a good ole friend of ours."

"Friend?" Beast Boy grimaced, looking back at the tower. "It's not Superman again is it?"

Robin also looked at the tower. A few days after the ball Superman had paid them a visit, and turned the tower upside down. It didn't look too bad, if one squinted. "Thank goodness, no," he finally answered. A lot of secrets, better left buried, had been unearthed whent the mess in Beast Boy's room had been flipped over. Hunting down the _things_ the mess had safely buried had taken days, and they'd never known exactly who was the hunter and who was the hunted.

"It's not the Flash, is it?" Raven asked, starting to go pale.

Robin continued to look at the tower. After Superman's visit the Flash had painted the whole tower a neon pink. At night it lit up like a fluorescent dildo. The color gave Raven nightmares, though she obviously had no trouble with the concept of dildos. The sounds she made during the night made that pretty clear. The leader, put on a pair of sunglasses, squinted, and then closed one eye. It doesn't look too bad, he decided. "Thankfully no", he finally said, gulping frantically to keep from having a panic attack.

"The Hulk?" BumbleBee wondered aloud, nervously looking around.

No one knew why, but after the Flash the Hulk had made his way through Jump City, doing no damage. But when he'd reached Titan Tower he'd roared, "Hulk Smash," and said tower now leaned twenty degrees towards the sea, away from the city. Robin took off the sunglasses, reluctantly admitting to himself that sunglasses or no sunglass, squinting or no squinting, the tower they called home was a little bit out of order. He sighed. "No," he finally spoke. "And people, please don't remind me of those three again." He cringed, and turned back towards the group. "This time it's our old friend, Cinderblock."

"Just so long as it's not the Hulk," BumbleBee said, looking a bit happier. The tilting tower had caused her collection of dildos to fall over, and get dirty on the floor. Some of the things in the tower were far from safe, and who knew what was on them now. She'd washed them, scrubbing all she could without damaging them, but who knew? Now when she used one there was always that sense of unease that they might've been contaminated. Having helped during the hunt to clean up the mess from Beast Boy's bedroom hadn't alleviated that fear any. The dark-skinned woman cringed, and looked furtively around as she rocked back on her heels, ready for battle.

"Thank Azareth," Raven intoned, relaxing with her eyes closed in relief. "Thank Azareth."

"One day I'm going to prank Superman," Beast Boy coldly stated. "Robin was the one who . . . ." He shrugged. "There was no need to make all of us pay."

Their leader shrugged as well. "I agree. When pranking it's bad manners to prank someone you don't have a grudge against. I'm sorry."

Raven and Bumblebee stared at the boy, not sure whether to be confused or just insanely pissed. During all this time their leader had not said sorry once, and now he did, but not to the girls he'd harmed?

Robin cringed back from the glares. "We better take care of Cinderblock," he hurried to say, racing towards his motorcycle.

In the form of an eagle, Beast Boy launched himself into the sky. Behind him Raven rose into the air on a disc of dark magic, while six feet behind and above the half-demon girl, wings blurring, Bumblebee took guard.

 _ **Memory Lane, and the Teen Titans in Battle, . . .**_

Raven immediately took note of the jet-black car that left the tower, keeping pace with them; Cyborg. Blinking away the tears, she hovered over the vehicle, looking at the man within. He'd painted all his metal parts a jet-black to match the new color of his car, and now wore sunglasses. The cybernetic man still radiated raw power, but no longer did it appear comforting, like that of a good friend and protector. Rather, it seemed ominous and threatening. Once in a while one side of his sunglasses would flicker, and one could see the red glow behind them. Then he seemed to be some dark menance out of a nightmare where machines had run amok, and humanity was long gone.

She recalled the first time she'd betrayed him, no more than a few weeks ago. _She'd been creeping through the tower, avoiding the windows that let the blasted sunlight in. Sure it wouldn't turn her into ash like she was a vampire or something, but she still hated it, and always would. Her control of her emotions had graduated to a point where she no long needed constant meditation, leaving her feeling bored with ample free time, and often in need of something to do. So she'd prowled around the tower. Why the door had't locked she didn't know, but passing the shower area she'd pushed one of the doors, not knowing someone was inside. It's only been a few days since they'd cleaned up the mess from Beast Boy's room, and like Bumblebee she was feeling the need for constant showers. No one knew what exactly had been in that room of his._

Raven gulped, frowning as the events passed in her mind. _Bumblebee had been in that shower, her dark skin wet and slick and so appealing. At first Raven hadn't known what she was feeling, but trance-like she'd taken a step into the shower. Sure she'd always known that like all demons, and most half-demon hybrids, she was bisexual, but it wasn't something she'd ever cared about. Someone like Aqualad, or Starfire, might cause her to raise an eyebrow and drool a little, but her life was meditation and nothing else. She had to control her emotions. But, to her shock and awe, puberty for her had ended, and her emotions had become so easy to manage it'd almost been sickening. When she'd stepped into that shower a need she couldn't explain, or even comprehend, had taken hold of her. She'd pulled the woman who'd at first only stared at her in shock, eyes bright with lust, towards her. Then Bumblebee had practically attacked her in return, stripping her of her clothes and feasting on her body like . . . ._

Raven, her face a bright red, pushed the image out of her mind; against her will it returned. _That had been the first time, and so far as she and Bumblebee knew no one could've known about it. But then, a few hours later, Beast Boy, eyes sad, had said, "Better let Cy know. Be worse if he finds out by accident." Obviously some scent that only he could smell had given them away, right, so she and Bumblebee had agreed to do nothing. Neither of them was sure what had happened, and none of them were in a hurry to repeat it. Well, not exactly. There was the craving to touch and taste each other, to sink into each other's warmth and just feel that sense of pure contentment. But both of them had known how it would hurt Cyborg. He was Raven's big brother, Bumblebee's boyfriend. That it'd happened once was bad bad enough, and the guilt was crippling. They'd decreed it never would happen again._

The half-demon girl sighed. _It had happened again. And then a third time. Each time a weary and sad-looking Beast Boy had just shrugged it away, clearly knowing what was going on. He hadn't judged, but had suggested they let their friend know. Each time, not sure how to cope with the sheer need that drove them, she and Bumblebee had just sworn, never again. The sixth time Cyborg had caught them. He'd prepared some prank for Bumblebee when she was in the shower, an eel of some sort that would come down through the shower head, and had tracked when it was triggered. They'd opened the door, and come out of the shower with him there staring, shivering, distraught, . . . ._ On that day, the Mad Vandal had been born. It wasn't just that Bumblebee had cheated on him. That was bad enough. But that his little sister, as he thought of her, had played such a part, . . . . He'd broke.

 _ **Finally, that Blasted Battle Scene, . . . .**_

"Still," Raven softly muttered to herself, as the team roared to a stop beside Cinderblock, "the new Cyborg has his advantages."

Cinderblock looked at the Titans, and turned to flee. As massive as he was, even being constructed of nearly indestructible stone, he no longer had any desire to fight. He ran.

"Raven, hold him." Robin roared, leaping into action, which for him was standing clear to avoid being caught in the fray. Beast Boy and Bumblebee joined him. The three looked at Cinderblock, and noted how close they were to the villian. They took several steps back. Cyborg for his part just stood up in what used to be his baby, fired his sonic cannon three times into the air, and yelled, "Hehaw, Darkie shall prevail." Then he sped past the trembling mountain that, even if silent, looked to be on the brink of crying.

Watching the car disappear in the distance, Raven looped tentacles of magic around the arms of her opponent who mimed silent screams. Struggling, she strained to hold him down close to the road. Cinderblock's only action was to frantically, and uselessly, to keep trying to use those dark ropes of power as a way to climb up, and away from the road. He failed.

Cyborg had not just repainted his baby, the T-car. He'd ripped out the engine, and built something new and better, something only a mad genius would think of, in the trunk and backseat. Then he'd replaced the front with a one-foot piece of solid titanium that'd been forged into the shape of a 'V'. The driver's seat contained crazy amounts of padding, needed even for the cybernetic man to survive the crazy maneuvers he now often used. There were other changes, such as there no longer being a passenger seat, but the machine whose every dent and scratch he'd once wept over was now little more than a battering ram to the Mad Vandal; albeit one with a few tricks up its sleeves.

The fifteen-ton vehicle, upon striking the desparate villian at three-hundred and fifty kilometers an hour, flipped over in the air, and came crashing down more than thirty feet away. The backlash sent Raven flying upward, and the rest of Titans scrambling bacvkwards. The villiain went silent, clearly faking unconsciousness to avoid another such attack. When the dust settled the only sound was of the T-car when the Mad Vandal stepped outside and pushed it back upright.


	2. Chapter 2

**-UPDATED- Changed the name Speedy to Kid Flash (Wow. Not sure how I made that mistake.)  
**

 _Warning:_ _This chapter is rated M. And oh yeah, if you're a fan of Robin you might want to skip it. May Trigon have mercy on his soul._

 _Warning:_ _Some of the imagery in this chapter might be triggering to some people._

This chapter is meant to be funny. If I missed the mark by too much please let me know.

 _ **An Erotic Experience with the Mad Vandal**_

Beast Boy made his way down to the garage, knowing someone had to check on Cyborg, but, much as he loved the guy, he wished it wasn't him. Things often got strange around the crazed Titan. _It'll be okay,_ he told himself as nervous sweat ran down his back, followed by a chilled tingle that forewarned of horrible things to come. _It's not like he can make that alarm of his any worse. Can he?_ Beat Boy gulped, trembling violently as he approached the garage which, since Superman had flipped the tower over, was now on the top floor of Titan's Tower. _No, not the alarm,_ the scared teenager admitted with relief, _but what if he . . . ._ Knowing all too well the sort of things a master prankster like the Mad Vandal could come up with the fear returned.

"Hey, old friend," the shapeshifter called out, trying to sound upbeat and cheerful as the doors slid open. "What's the big guy up to today?"

Cyborg, who to an admittedly very short Beast Boy, looked much like a very large and scary, towering mountain of jet black metal, grunted as he stood to stare down at the annoyance. Scowling, he looked ready to kill.

"Nice going taking down Cinderblock like that," Beast Boy said, still pretending to be upbeat. "You taught him not to mess with the biggest and baddest of the Titans."

The scowl deepened, while the murderous look intensified.

"Big and bad," Beast Boy added with a fake smile, hoping his friend would find no fault with the compliments. The hope faded when that friend pointed a very dangerous sonic cannon at him, snarling like a cornered lion as he did so.

"You think it's funny?" Cyborg roared. "Admit it."

"N-no," Beast Boy yelped, wondering whether he should dodge to the left behind the T-car, or make a run back towards the doors.

"You think I'm bad," the Mad Vandal fumed with even his one human eye glinting an eerie red in the light of the garage.

"Bad," Beast Boy nodded. "Very very bad. No one dares mess with the baddest of the bad."

"You admit it," Cyborg said in a dark tone that would've done Trigon proud. "You admit it."

Beast Boy nodded, knowing that he and his best pal were definitely not on the same wavelength; that soon he would wish he'd made a run for the hills when Robin had ordered him to check on their deranged friend.

Cyborg made a big show of manually adjusting the power output of his sonic cannon, setting the weapon to maximum destruction. He grinned demonically as he did so, eyes blazing like something out of a nightmare. "Time for the grass stain to became a dead grass stain," he said and the weaponed blasted forth its fury, smashing a hole in the wall, causing the tower to shudder.

Beast Boy sobbed, having just managed to duck behind the T-car in the nick of time. "Can't we talk this out?" he pleaded, eyes frantically plotting his next move.

"Talking is what got you into this mess," Cyborg said while marching around the front of the car.

"True," the shapeshifter admitted, becoming a rat which quickly scurried around the T-car, keeping it between him and certain death.

"You think that just because I'm a freak who had his penis blown off that I don't have a penis," Cyborg snarled, lifting the T-car and throwing it at the rat called Beast Boy. "You think calling me big is funny. Don't you?"

Having managed to make a frantic leap to safety, the shapeshifter had no time to reply as the sonic cannon sought him out again. "Eek," was the only sound he made as he raced to the T-car which he hid under. A large section of the floor vanished when the cannon roared, causing the car to tip with a single wheel in the hole.

"Baddest of the bad, huh?" Cyborg muttered, giving the T-car a kick which caused it to slide several feet. "You think I'm that bad in bed, don't you? You think that's why Bumblebee prefers another girl to a man? You think I'm so bad that I made her gay."

"No dude," a panic-stricken Beast Boy sobbed. He went to jump in the hole when a powerful, metal hand grabbed him to slam him against a wall, causing him to revert to his human form. "I'm so sorry," he cried. "I didn't mean it like that." The eyes of shapeshifter went wide when the sonic cannon rose to aim at them from less than six inches away.

"You want to see big?" Cyborg asked, breathing hard. "I'll show you big. Look down."

"I don't want to," Beast Boy replied, gulping. Then, when the cannon whined, powering up, he relented and obeyed. The boy gasped.

A hole had opened in the crotch of the Mad Vandal's metal armor while rock music blasted forth from . . . somewhere. From the hole a black rubber tip emerged. Bulbous and terrifyingly huge it took several seconds to fully emerge. It was followed by a black metal shaft that slowly extended. To Beast Boy's horror it was approaching him, threatening to touch him. Quickly, more than just a little distraught, the fear-struck boy placed his feet against Cyborg's waist and tried to push him away. The _thing_ continued it slow and dreadful approach.

"I made a better one," Cyborg crowed. "I made a penis that can beat anyone's." He giggled hysterically. "It's thirty solid inches of interlocking titanium pipes that's six inches in diameter. No lady can keep a straight face when she sees it.

 _That I can understand,_ Beast Boy sobbed in terror, still trying to push the Titan away, to keep that two-and-half-foot monstrosity from touching him. "Help," he screamed, hoping someone would hear him, knowing that even his fellow Titans might not answer the call when it came to the garage and the Mad Vandal. "Help, oh please, help."

"But don't think it shoots blanks," the ranting Titan continued. "Oh no." He giggled again, sounding even more deranged than he had just the minute before. "You see, my balls are nice and safe in a bank vault. When I need to reloadcry I go there and extract a gallon of sperm. That's more than enough to impress the ladies." Cyborg laughed. "Oh yes, when this baby shoots the ladies get excited. It has a PSI of ten thousand."

"Oh Azarath," Beast Boy gasped, face going white, knowing a common fire hose, which required several men to hold it down, was a mere three-hundred PSI. Ten thousand would . . . . The boy's struggles increased while his cries became much louder and much shriller. To his horror he could hear a pump working, preparing to . . . . The shapeshifter sobbed, knowing that the thing pointed at him wasn't a penis but a weapon every bit as powerful as the sonic cannon.

"Soon you'll understand just what it means to be big and bad," Cyborg panted, sounding excited in a way that sent unwanted chills down Beast Boy's spine.

"Dude, let me go," the shapeshifter shrieked, feet still placed against his would-be lover's waist with his back firmly against the wall. "Ask Robin if you're desperate. Wear a wig and I'm sure he'll say yes."

"Oh yes," Cyborg yelled, with his one eye now lit in ecstasy. "Oh yes."

"Oh no," Beast Boy wept. "Oh no."

The Mad Vandal arched his waist forward, smiling maniacally. As he did so his grip on his poor victim loosened. Beast Boy, finally managing to slip free, took off running, forgetting to change shape. He fled out the door, beating even his leopard form for speed, and raced for the elevator. On his way he passed Raven and Bumblebee who'd decided to face the music and visit their friend.

"Hit the dick . . . err . . . I mean the deck," Beast Boy howled as he streaked past them. "He's cumming, he's cumming."

Raven looked puzzled, while Bumblebee went pale and turned to flee, dragging her lover with her. It was too late as there was a sonic boom that sounded much like the sonic cannon, and the air turned white with a strange mist.

 _Holy doggy biscuit in the sky no,_ Beast Boy cried to himself, keeping his mouth firmly shut, trying not to breathe. He reached the elevator and punched at the buttons. The doors didn't close and the elevator didn't move. The boy, his faced streaked with tears, was pushed aside as Bumblebee dragged Raven into the elevator, her hand clasped over the girl's face in a death grip.

 _Oh yeah,_ Beast Boy realized as strong, brown fingers formed in the shape of a fist repeatedly slammed at the control panel. _The tower is upside down, and so is the panel._

 _ **Robin and the Great Unification Plan**_

"It really take you that long to check on the poor guy?" Robin asked when Beast Boy entered his office.

"Yes," Beast Boy replied, not elaborating. "By the way, we're out of hot water."

"We have a fusion reactor. We can't be out of hot water."

"Tell that to the fusion reactor," the shapeshifter retorted, feeling a strong desire to add another shower to the hundred that he'd already taken.

"So, how's the poor guy?" Robin asked, deciding to get back on topic.

"Dangerous," Beast Boy replied. "Very very dangerous."

"What happened?"

"I could tell you," Beast Boy intoned, "but then I would have to kill you."

"Why?" Robin asked, looking puzzled.

"That's just the way life works."

"Is he okay?"

"Of course he's okay," Beast Boy snapped. "I'm the one who will never be the same again."

Robin looked the shapeshifter over for wounds. "What happened?"

"I could tell you," "Beast Boy repeated, "but then I would have to kill you."

The leader sighed. "No signs he's injuring himself?" he asked.

"I'm the injured party here," Beast Boy said, refusing to break down and cry.

"You're not injured," Robin insisted, looking over the shapeshifter again.

"Tell that to my psychiatrist."

"We can't afford a psychiatrist," the leader said. "You'll have to make-do with a bartender and a drink."

"I want better benefits."

"A bartender and two drinks?" Robin hopefully countered. "Donations are sort of down this month."

"I wonder why," Beast Boy muttered.

"No idea. Must be an off-season," the leader said with a shrug.

"Certainly nothing to do with those flyers we've all seen in town," the shapeshifter replied with a frown. "You know, the ones with ' _Save a Virgin - Kill a Titan,'_ on them."

"Certainly not," Robin replied with a fake smile.

"Or that the Mayor has declared us public enemy number one and put a five-thousand-dollar reward out with the Prankster Club of Jump City for every humiliating photo they can get of us?"

"Never heard of them," Robin quipped.

"Or that he pardoned Fang and offered him a million dollars for your head?"

"Well," Robin gulped, rubbing his neck, "the mayor has yet to give us his usual monthly donation."

"I bet."

Robin shook his head. "You're just jealous," he exclaimed. "I got all the girls while the one you like took one look at you and ran off with another girl."

Beast Boy nodded. "Damn right I'm jealous. I get zero and you get forty-five."

Robin blinked, stunned by the casual confession. "Much more than forty-five," he admitted.

"No way. How many?"

"A gentleman never tells, . . . ."

Beast Boy, in the form of a massive gorilla, reached over and pulled Boy Wonder from his chair. "A better question might be, where did you get the money for all those rings?"

Robin gulped. "Not from the Titans' finances," he managed to squeak, hoping to reassure the boy.

"Hrmph." Beast Boy let the leader fall back into his seat.

"I would never do that," Robin claimed, looking slightly miffed. "Trust me, I have the bills to prove it." He gulped, turning white. "Lots and lots of bills in fact."

"Yeah. Forty-five wedding rings would cost . . . ."

"Try in the thousands," Robin smirked.

"Impossible," Beast Boy yelped. "There's just one of you."

"Nothing is impossible for a Titan."

"I still don't believe it."

"I have the videos to prove it," Robin countered, still smirking. "To prove everything?"

"Everything?" Beast Boy wondered aloud.

"Everything," Robin affirmed.

"Everything?"

Robin just grinned.

Beast Boy, feeling a little queasy, sat down. "Everything?"

"If you want some pointers on seduction just ask." Robin grinned. "I'll lend you some tapes."

"If those get out you're dead, you know."

"You don't know the half of it," Robin admitted, looking a little fearful. "At least none of my more villainous conquests were at that ball."

"Villainous?"

"You know, like Madame Rouge." Robin's eyes glazed over. "Oh wow, what she could do with that enhanced body of hers."

Beast Boy gulped. "No way."

"Yes way," came the almost seductive reply of Boy Wonder who still had a silly smirk on his face.

Beast Boy frowned, feeling like a loser. "My benefits?" he asked, needing to change the subject.

"A bartender and two drinks," Robin firmly stated.

Beast Boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, vividly recalling how the closest he'd ever come to sex was his recent inhaling of the Mad Vandal's . . . ." The poor boy gulped, shuddering. "Villains have better benefits," he stated, almost crying. "They get counseling in jail."

"True," Robin admitted. "And with so many women prison guards there are other benefits as well."

Beast Boy frowned, staring up at the ceiling. "There are also certain benefits to being a shapeshifter," he mused.

"Such as?"

"Oh," Beast Boy said with a grin, staring his fearless leader in the eye. "If someone, say a certain short and spiky-haired leader, was to get an incurable case of herpes, no one would point the finger at a certain green and lovable shapeshifter."

Robin paused in thought. "You can't become a herpes virus," he stated a few seconds later, feeling rather confident of his deduction. "It's not an animal."

"I can become an amoeba, as you already know." Beast Boy's feral grin shook the leader to his core. "Imagine the headlines. Imagine Superman paying us another visit. Imagine the Flash dropping by once again. Imagine the Hulk crying ' _Hulk Smash'_ with you beneath those fists. Imagine what Madame Rouge will do when she reads the news."

Boy Wonder gulped. "Just a second," he gasped. "I'm sure we can find a way to get you to a psychiatrist."

"I'm listening."

Robin ran a hand through his hair, thinking desperately. "I have a plan to get Cyborg back to normal," he finally said.

"And this ties into my seeing a shrink, how?" Beast Boy asked, not feeling very charitable towards his best pal.

"Well, the guy loves the team," Robin said. "If it was to get broken he would work to get it back together. He would remember Raven is his little sister, so to speak. He would remember that you and he are pals."

"For your information the team is already broken," Beast Boy needlessly informed the leader in a solemn tone. "You don't see Starfire around anywhere, do you?"

Robin clenched his fists and then relaxed them. "She'll be back," he stated, sounding more hopeful than sure.

Beast Boy frowned, staring at the leader for a few seconds. "And the plan?" he asked with a sigh.

"If the team falls apart Cy will try to fix it," Robin said, relieved to be off the subject of Starfire. "We need a broken team and a good enemy to fight. With Cy putting the fear of the Mad Vandal into them it's all too easy now. There's nothing to hold us together."

"And," Beast Boy prompted.

"I was thinking Raven, but you would be perfect," Robin said, continuing to explain the plan. "You abandon the Titans and play the part of a villain. Cy will be so freaked out and worried that nothing will stop him from going after you."

"And my psychiatrist?" Beast Boy intoned, remembering the white mist that he'd inhaled, wondering just how many sperm had been in it.

"Well, when you're captured they'll place you in jail," Robin said, smiling. "There you will be able to see a counselor."

"But I'll be a villain." The boy tilted his head. "Though right now that doesn't seem like such a bad career change."

"No," Robin countered with a smirk. "You'll be undercover seeking information on villains. Or at least that's what we'll claim. Want the job?"

Beast Boy gave it a few seconds thought. On the bright side he might get to see a psychiatrist. Assuming he was caught, that is. But, on the not-so-bright side, he wasn't so sure the mayor would be willing to accept the ' _undercover'_ excuse. His reputation, what he had of one, would be ruined. The boy frowned, lips pursed. _I won't be the one who will have to check on Cy,_ he suddenly realized. "I'm in," the suddenly ecstatic shapeshifter yelped. "When do I start?"

"Let's say midnight tonight," Robin said, smiling. "I'll have to explain it to Raven and Bumblebee first. No need to make things worse than they are."

Beast Boy nodded. "So I act the villain until I'm caught?" he asked, wanting to make sure of the rules.

"Exactly,"

Turning to leave Beast Boy paused. "Please don't tell me the reason you were thinking of Raven for this job to was to get Bumblebee alone. Please say it wasn't."

Robin shrugged. "I swear, it wasn't," he said with honesty. "Great as she is in bed, Bumblebee is now off limits."

Beast Boy blinked, then deciding he didn't want to know he rushed from the room.

"Well, that's taken care of," Robin said to himself. "Now to find Raven and Bumblebee."

"We're out of hot water," Raven intoned, rising from the floor like some supernatural apparition.

"We can't be. We have a fusion reaction," Robin answered, shivering in terror, knowing he was doomed if the half-demon girl had heard his comment about Bumblebee.

"We're out of hot water," the girl repeated.

Robin frowned, studying the decided attractive woman. For two whole seconds he resisted the urge. "You know, you shouldn't settle down until you're sure," he said, giving in to temptation.

"Uh?" Raven said, blinking.

"Being gay and all that," the boy explained with a dazzling smile. "No one need ever know, but with me I can assure you that you will never want to look at another woman ever again."

Raven tilted her head and frowned. "You're saying you want to have sex with me?" she intoned.

Stomach dropping, and with icy fear in his veins, Robin gulped. "Well . . . ."

Raven smirked. "Are you into group sex?" she asked. "Cause I know the perfect place."

Robin blinked, startled. With images of Raven and Bumblebee rolling around together in his mind he nodded.

Both Raven and Robin disappeared from the room. Left behind on the floor, with the exception of his mask, was Robin's clothes.

 _ **Jinx and Kid Flash : Flash Swallows**_

As a Falcon Beast Boy flew through the sky, pondering his new role as a villain. While he'd often idly wondered what it was like to be a villain, he'd never really given it serious thought. Now, with less than an hour to go before he could unleash his inner demon, he was struggling to understand just what he should do. Merely hitting bank after bank like Adonis didn't seem proper. At least not without a larger plan. But, try as he might, he couldn't think of a plan that didn't seem small and silly. This was his one chance to make an impression and he didn't want to mess it up.

 _Let's see,_ the boy mused, having already discarded a hundred or more ideas. _I could train seagulls to use the mayor's house as a bathroom._ He shook his head. _Nay, too silly and it doesn't lead to a larger plan._

 _Maybe I could clog the city sewer system with amoeba and then demand they surrender._ Once again the frustrated boy sighed and shook his head. _I could, but what would I do after they surrender; I have no way to unclog the sewers._

 _Perhaps robotic dog whistles that could storm the city. All the barking would drive everyone crazy and they would . . . . Nay. Too silly._

The shapeshifter's sharp eyes focused on some shattered glass and, almost by instinct, he dove toward it. Seconds later he shifted to his human form, looking in through the broken window of a jewelry store. To his shock he saw Speedy's girlfriend, Jinx, gathering rings from a display case with her back to the window.

"Does it suit me?" the girl pondered aloud, holding up a particularly pretty ring that glimmered violet. "Nay." She chucked it in a bag and moved on to another.

 _Jinx? Stealing?_ Beast Boy shook his head, confused. _Isn't she one of the good guys now?_ He studied the girl for a few more seconds, noting that she was pretty. Very pretty. Of course he'd always known that, but with Raven around everyone else had seemed to pale in comparison. Now, on the other hand, he stood frozen as he watched the girl gracefully move around trying on rings and bracelets. Her voice as she quietly whispered to herself was almost hypnotic. The sway of her hips, . . . .

Beast Boy shook his head, clearing the not exactly unwanted images from his mind. _If she's stealing then she's a thief and it's my job to catch her. I'll wait until the rest of the team shows up and we'll handle her together. Those hexes of hers can hurt._ The boy rubbed his head, recalling past encounters with the sorceress and her brutal ability to bludgeon that head of his. Handling the girl was team work. As a rat he scurried out of sight.

"Jinx. What are you doing?" Kid Flash demanded, having seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"What does it look like, idiot?" the girl muttered nastily, her voice no longer pleasant sounding.

"But, you're one of the good guys now. You're my girlfriend."

"What about Paula?" the girl asked, face twisted into an ugly snarl.

Unseen by the two, safely out of sight in a back room, a green rat did a facepalm with its paw.

"Who?" Kid Flash pretended to be innocent.

"Tall, lithe, blonde, best lover you ever had," Jinx retorted. "Ring any bells?"

"Oh, her." Kid Flash cringed. "How did you know? I assure you she meant nothing."

"Right," Jinx fumed. "Best lover ever and she meant nothing. What am I? Your worst?"

"Jinx honey, they meant nothing. I had to say that . . . ."

"They?" Jinx's voice was icy cold.

Kid Flash gulped. "Slip of tongue. There's no one else."

"What about Cammy?"

I-I'm not sure who you mean."

"Short, pretty, smart, best breasts ever," Jinx immediately replied. "What are my breasts? Worst ever?"

"Jinx honey," Kid Flash started.

"Don't forget Callie, or Veronica, or Kelly, or . . . ." Jinx let out a scream of pure fury.

Ghostly pale, Kid Flash gulped. "I have a super-fast metabolism," he tried to explain. "One minute after we're done and it's been like days since we did it. An hour and it's months. It's torture to be around the prettiest girl in the world and have to wait what seems like years between sex. You drive me wild."

"Oh," Jinx said with a smile, seeming to calm down.

"You're the best, honey." Kid Flash smiled back at the girl.

"So I'm just sex, but Paula, she's a lover?"

"No." Kid Flash tried to backtrack.

"Not that you're much," Jinx admitted with a cold, unforgiving smile. "One second and you're done. Imagine what that's like to me. It's like no sex, period. It's like someone shoved a freaking curling iron in me."

"My metabolism . . . ."

"You can obviously slow it down enough to talk girls into sex," Jinx viciously retorted.

"Around you I lose control," Kid Flash said, pleading.

"Not just around me," the girl countered. "After you sent me to the hospital when you ignited my pubic hair thrusting so fast, the nurse mentioned I was the third one that day." Jinx paused to take a deep breath, eyes radiating demonic fury. "So I checked the hospital records. Over two-freaking-thousand girls with their pubic hair on fire. Over two-freaking-thousand girls with third-degree burns inside their . . . ."

In the back room the green rat's fur turned white.

"I can explain . . . ."

"Explain this."

The rat backed away from the door, returning to human form. Beast Boy shook his head and glanced at the time. Quarter to twelve. He figured the team would soon show up and he could have a last minute discussion with Robin before the plan went into action. As for Jinx, Speedy would have no trouble handling her. Powerful as she was the boy was just too fast. _In more ways than one,_ he mused and shook the image from his mind. He looked around the room which seemed to be mainly used for storage. The boy then shook his head again as he pondered his future, trying to shake evil thoughts from his mind. Never in his life had he felt so . . . vicious. _Over two-freaking-thousand girls_. The words repeated in his mind on an endless loop. _Two thousand to zero._

Kid Flash was fast, and the battle should've gone to him. But Jinx knew the boy and knew there was only one chance of winning - which was something she desperately wanted. She cast her hexes as fast as she could in random directions, hoping for a chance hit. For once the unlucky girl got lucky. Several hexes were deftly dodged by a super-fast Kid Flash. But the hexes hit the window, which with it being dark outside acted as a mirror. Jinx was halfway wrapped in rope when one of the hexes bounced off the window and struck Kid Flash in the leg. Another hit the rope, causing it to slip from her, falling instead around the boy's feet, tangling them. The girl, proud and resolute in her fury, didn't stop her rain of hexes.

Hobbled as he was, Kid Flash was still fast, and he raced around the room, forced now to keep his distance. Moving in baby steps, which all the rope around his feet allowed, he evaded hex after hex. Several times the boy tried to close in on the girl only to be forced back. At his slower than normal speed he needed room to avoid the hexes. He tried to untangle his feet, but with hexes sometimes making two or three bounces off mirror-like surfaces he had no time.

"Bastard," Jinx screamed. "Bastard. I gave up my life as a villain for you. But you're worse than any of them."

"Even Slade?" Kid Flash asked, gasping for breath.

"Well, . . . almost everyone," Jinx relented. "Bad as you are in bed, it doesn't kill a girl. Just makes her want to kill you."

"We can make it work," Kid Flash insisted, ducking beneath a hex that flew over his head.

"You made it work with over two-thousand girls," Jinx fumed. "I think that's enough working. Time for some breaking."

"You don't mean that." The boy tried to duck another hex and almost made it. Lucky for him it only grazed his hair which suddenly stood on end.

"We'll see," the girl said, making it a promise. The hexes continued to fly from her hands.

"What can you hope to gain by becoming a thief?" Kid Flash asked, tripping when a hex struck his feet. He stood back up but was even slower than before. "Come back to me, honey."

"Don't honey me," the girl raged, managing to up the speed at which she was sending hexes flying. "I betrayed my friends for you."

"They were villains."

"And you're a cheater," Jinx countered. "What makes you better than them?"

"I don't hurt people."

"There're over two-thousand vaginas that say otherwise," the girl countered. "Two-thousand lots of pubic hair that met an untimely death. I think it's time you met yours."

Kid Flash ran, aiming for the door. A ruthless onslaught of hexes blocked his way. He dove for the counter, only to have three hexes bounce from a window and head his way. He ducked beneath a display case, only to run headlong into a hex that'd made the long journey of bouncing from a window to a mirror and back to the window before smacking him in the back of the neck. He went flying, slamming into a wall.

"Good-bye you bastard," Jinx roared in glee as she took careful aim. The strong arms of a gorilla wrapped around her, carefully trapping her hands as well as pinning her arms.

"What's going on?" Beast Boy asked, hoping they would think he'd just arrived. He doubted the two would take kindly to him having heard their lover's quarrel.

"Let me go," Jinx screamed, ramming her head backwards. Thankfully she only managed to hit the gorilla's chest. To no avail she stamped on a large, hairy foot with her platform shoes. The arms around her tightened. The enraged girl tried to kick backwards, aiming for the groin. That caused a fearsome growl of pain from the creature but still failed to set her free.

"Crime never pays," Kid Flash said, standing. "Whatever happened between us, you're now a villain." He sounded sad as he carefully approached the girl to wrap her in rope.

"When I get the chance I'm going to be a fucking murderer," Jinx fumed, snapping at the boy with her teeth, hoping for just one bite. "Womankind will thank me."

Backing away, looking a bit pale, Kid Flash gulped.

"Call the police," Beast Boy suggested. "You should probably hand her over to them as soon as possible." He looked at the time, wondering where the Titans were. It was five to twelve. Briefly the worried boy wondered what was causing them to be so late.

"When I'm ready," Kid Flash said, casually turning away to ignore the boy who'd just saved his life.

Beast Boy shrugged. "Your funeral."

"We could've made it work," Kid Flash said to Jinx. "You didn't have to throw it all away. I'll make up an excuse for you. Come back."

Jinx, still tied up, lunged forward with her teeth snapping. Kid Flash literally lost the skin of his nose - at least on the tip.

"I'll say it's all a mistake," Kid Flash said, still optimistic. He eyed Beast Boy who appeared to be just out of hearing range. "I'll tell everyone it was a setup for a training session but you got the wrong address. That it was all a mistake."

"Bastard," Jinx growled. "A mistake is what you made when you pissed me off. A fatal one."

Kid Flash shook his head. "I love you," he insisted. "I would do anything for you."

"Except stay faithful," Jinx countered. "Except trust me."

Beast Boy gently tapped his finger on a display case, studying the bright and sparkly goods within. He imagined they were worth a pretty penny. They also appeared to be up for grabs with the lax security the store had. He glanced at the time - two minutes to twelve and still no Titans. At least none from his team. And no police. Idly the boy let his ears stay focused on Kid Flash and Jinx. The whole situation had him puzzled, as well as fuming. Then there was the burning envy. But the more he thought about it the more he realized the envy wasn't from the many many conquests Robin and Speedy had made. Jinx was a spunky girl who'd sparked his interest, though not sexually, even when she'd been a villain. Smart, determined, and confident, if a bit too angry at life, she was interesting. He didn't know how to put it better than that, interesting. Then there was Starfire who was smart as well as overly caring. Having abandoned the role of a princess to be a Titan she was spunky in her own way. Both were gems when it came to women, the one in a million catch that most men could only dream of. But both had been thrown away, or at least had their trust brutally abused.

The time chimed, announcing twelve midnight.

"Okay," Beast Boy said, looking away from the display case. "It's twelve and that means I'm off the clock as a hero." He became a gorilla that smashed the display case. Back in human form he started gathering the loot, dumping it in a sack he'd found in the storage room.

"Off the clock?" Kid Flash asked, looking away from Jinx. "Heros don't go off the clock." He watched as the shapeshifter stuffed handfuls of rings into a bag, unable to understand the sudden change.

Jinx blinked, studying the joke of the Titans - the shapeshifter who no one took too seriously. At least not usually, though he had proved himself to be capable on the very rare occasion.

"Yep," Beast Boy said, tossing a grin towards the two. "Until called back I'm off duty as a hero. My role was switched to that of a villain." He shrugged. "Don't ask why. It's personal."

"You can't switch roles like that," Kid Flash insisted.

"Why not? People change jobs all the time," Beast Boy countered. "Hero, villain, painter, plumber, . . . . It's all the same."

"It's not," Kid Flash declared, still just watching as the store was looted.

"Why not?" Beast Boy repeated. "If it can't be done, then tell me why not?" The boy shook his head, having learned a few things from all his arguments with Raven. "I have examples that they can," he explained. "So prove to me that it can't be done. How can those examples exist if it can't be done? The mere existence of those examples proves I'm right."

Hearing the shapeshifter try to use logic both Kid Flash and Jinx blinked and looked at each other, their dispute momentarily forgotten.

"It doesn't work like that," Kid Flash countered.

Beast Boy shook his head again, deciding they were getting nowhere. "You do realize you have a villain robbing a store while you're just standing there," he said, raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"But . . . ." Kid Flash shook his own head, needing time to think, to understand the situation. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, not wanting to end the career of a fellow Titan or annoy the Titans' leader, Robin.

"I got to," Beast Boy replied. "It's the only way."

"The only way to what?"

"To get to see a psychiatrist," Beast Boy explained. He didn't go into the details of his encounter with the Mad Vandal and the Penis of Destruction, and certainly not how he'd inhaled. Those details were for the psychiatrist only.

"Psychiatrist?" Kid Flash asked. He looked at Jinx who just shrugged helplessly.

Beast Boy smashed another display case, this one filled with bracelets. "The thing about being a villain," he explained, "is I don't have a clue what to do with this stuff." The boy looked over at Jinx. "Help me pawn it and I'll untie you," he offered.

"Deal," the girl immediately replied. While she was as confused as Kid Flash she knew a bargain when she heard it. Not that she expected the shapeshifter would be able to deliver.

Beast Boy smiled at the girl. "Good. I really need the help."

"Sorry," Kid Flash said. "I don't know what you're up to, but it's my duty as a hero to stop you."

Beast Boy resisted the urge to blink as the orange-haired boy dashed forward. Normally he wouldn't be able to see the Titan move, but Jinx had hit him with a hex in both a leg and a foot; it made the difference.

Kid Flash, for his own part, did blink when his fist passed through the spot where his foe had stood. He blinked again when he realized his fist wasn't hitting anything because it was in the mouth of a massive, three-ton, thirty-foot crocodile. He blinked a third time when that mouth closed around his arm and his head.

Beast Boy gently, at least as gently as he could, placed the Titan on the ground and crawled over him. Then he became a gorilla. "Trust me," he said, smiling down at the super-fast boy. "You don't want to move too fast now."

"Why?" the furious boy asked. He hated to be defeated at the best of times, but to be so easily slapped down in front of his girlfriend was intolerable.

"Because you might get some of this in your mouth," came the immediate reply, and Beast Boy pressed a condom filled some white fluid over his foe's mouth. He gently held it in place for several seconds before letting it go. Then he repeated it with two more condoms before standing.

Kid Flash swallowed with absolute terror written all over his face. "Not real," he managed to squeak around the ever so fragile, yet fearsome shackles.

Beast Boy shrugged. "Don't worry. It's not mine," he said, grinning down at the horror-struck boy. "You see, I was in the process of running an errand for some pet stores when I saw you and Jinx here. They like to breed animals on the side which sometimes requires a courier to transfer some genetic material for impregnating a choice specimen." The amused boy tapped at a condom, sending the fluid dangerously close to his foe's now white lips. "That's from an Akita." Seeing the confused expression Kid Flash gave him, he explained, "it's a type of Japanese dog."

Hearing the word dog Jinx burst out laughing while the object of her humor cringed. Kid Flash glared a murderous look up at the shapeshifter.

"Now," Beast Boy said, standing. "Back to work." He walked over to Jinx and with a smile unknotted the rope. He gave the girl a twirl, unwrapping it from around her.

Kid Flash went to tear the condoms from his lips, but the movement caused the horrifying fluid to jiggle, almost entering his mouth. If he was to pull it could be disastrous. The only way to save his dignity was to get something sharp and pierce the bottom. But even moving his head would . . . . He cringed, sobbing. Tilting his eyes upward he saw Jinx grinning down at him with the fury in her own eyes rekindled and burning strong.

Jinx grinned, teeth bared. She knew the liquid was merely glue mixed with water. The shapeshifter had whispered it to her when he'd untied her. But what her ex-boyfriend didn't know would hurt him - it would hurt him a lot. Taking slow and careful aim, the sorceress threw one hex after another into the groin of the boy, raining her fury upon the one object she despised.

Kid Flash felt the pain, an agony that was like fire, while his mind played dreadful scenarios of what the curses would do to his manhood. Yet he didn't move an inch.

"We could've made it work," Jinx said, finally ceasing the torture, instead wiping at her tears. "Even after you'd cheated once we could've. I loved you so much. But not two-thousand times. No one with any pride would. Even if you had needs I couldn't fulfill we could've talked it over and done something. But you cheated on me and you didn't trust me. It's over." Head held high, fists clenched, she turned away. Seeing the store had been fully looted and the shapeshifter was resting at the far end, pretending he couldn't hear every word they said, she marched his way, pausing only to grab her half-filled bag of loot.

"Don't expect any gratitude for untying me," the girl stated. "I was beating the snot out of him when you ambushed me, remember."

"I won't," Beast Boy said, resisting the urge to smile. "I would say I was sorry for interrupting, but I would be lying. As a hero I had to."

Five minutes later Bumblebee, alone, came bursting into the store. "What's going on?" she asked Speedy, giving him a tap on the shoulder. The boy jumped, startled, then let out a terrifying cry of horror that could be heard for miles.

The dark-skinned girl took a step back. "What's wrong?" she asked, worried. "I can't find anyone. Not Penis Brain. I mean Robin. I can't find Robin. Raven has disappeared. Cyborg is . . . busy. And why are you drinking from used condoms?"

 _ **Robin and Raven : A Blowjob Story**_

The spiky-haired boy slowly stirred to consciousness, aware only of the intense pleasure that embraced his nether regions. _Hmmm,_ Robin quietly sighed, deciding he could wait to open his eyes. Instead the happy Titan let his whole body relax as he focused on the pleasure and only the pleasure. "Honey, you're so good," he murmured, knowing he had to keep the woman, whoever it was, happy as well. Compliments did that.

"Ah. Oh wow. The best ever," he said seconds later, knowing it was true. Whoever it was, and despite whoever it meant he'd made angry this time around, it was worth it for this and this alone. "Mmmm" A tiny nip on the tip of his elated manhood caused the engorged organ to quiver in ecstasy. Amazed at how just a tiny hint of pain made the pleasure seem to blossom into something divine the soon to be raptured boy let out another moan. "Oh wow. Oh wow," he whispered to the girl, almost purring. "You're a goddess."

As the all too brief minutes passed the euphoria peaked, forcing Robin to emit several brief screams of elation, knowing this was something he would never experience again. It was too divine, too pure, to ever be reached more than once in a single life. He'd reached his peak, had accomplished all that he'd set out to do, and could rest knowing there was a heaven; a heaven that he'd seen.

"Oh god," he muttered when that tongue went to work on him again, and the pleasure started to build. _Can I ever be so lucky,_ the raptured boy wondered. Then a tiny spark of reason flickered in his mind, causing him to wonder, _How can I be getting a blowjob when I'm lying face down?_ The boy finally opened his eyes and let out a shocked scream of abject terror that spoke of nightmares as bad as anything Trigon wielded. "Oh God. Help," Robin screamed, futilely thrashing to escape, to run from the unrelenting horror that stood below him.

Frantically the horror-struck and now severely traumatized boy struggled to move his arms. Then his legs. Both were firmly tied down with his fingers secured. There was no hope of escape that way. Crying, with the tears streaming in rivers down his too-pale face, he tried to lift his precious genitals to safety. The boy, terror-stricken to feel something slide deep and hard into his behind, emitted a sharp yelp of pain and despair.

"Mommy," Robin started to cry, then paused. "Oh God, help," he screamed. The boy paused for a second time, knowing this was something he didn't want anyone to see, not ever.

From the strength a thousand battles had given him, Robin slowed his breathing. _I'm tied down,_ the boy noted, having to focus hard to not let the panic overwhelm him. _There's no chance of getting my hands or legs free. There's something above me, feels like a metal rod, that's stuck in my behind. I can't thrash around too much or it will . . . ._ The Titan, more scared than he'd ever been before in his life, struggled valiantly to control the raw hysteria that could lead only to disaster. A minute later, his terror under control, he continued his assessment of the situation. _And below me there are eight gigantic dogs vying to see who can rip off my most prized possession and use it as a doggy treat._

Robin took another deep breath, watching the dogs with eyes that expected doom at any second. Seven of his canine lovers were leaping around, managing to get in the occasional nip or two. The blood dripping from the tip of endangered manhood spoke of past attempts that'd come way too close. The eighth, a strange beast with intelligent looking eyes and golden fur, was smarter. She would wait and time her leaps, using the backs of the others. Thankfully she seemed less interested in biting than in . . . . The boy gulped, not sure what the creature was interested in, or that he wanted to know. He was just grateful she hadn't taken what the others wanted - a tasty snack. Weirdly enough they made hardly any sound, too focused with a scary intensity on the penis that dangled down through the wire mesh of the dog pen.

Robin tried a third deep breath. _I'm out of shots,_ he decided. _Or will be after this. My penis will shrivel up and be out of range. Maybe then I can press down hard enough with my body to escape the rod that's in my butt. Then I can apply some force to whatever was used to tie me down. I can get free. No one ever needs to know. No one but me and whoever did this._ Inside the boy the boundless confident that'd driven him through many a dangerous situation rose and blossomed. Then his eyes focused on a small cardboard packet that'd been half trampled into the dirt by the dogs. On it were the words: _Viagra - 30 extra strength doses._ The shriek of anguish as his hopes were dashed bellowed across the city. Robin knew full well what effect the drug would have on him. He would be here until . . . .

"Oh god no," the now defeated boy whispered a second later, seeing for the first time what lay in the distance, feeling a cold sweat run down his back. His doom was certain and he couldn't even remember who'd done it to him. A mere two-hundred feet away, barely visible in the rising sun, was a large building with words of inescapable doom on its front. The words read: Jumpy City Elementary School. In the boy's mind his life flashed before his eyes. There would be no escape . . . unless . . . . In his now unglued mind the deranged and inconsolable boy fervently prayed it was a Saturday or Sunday.


	3. Chapter 3

**-NOTE- In the previous chapter I replaced Speedy with Kid Flash who, as you all know even if I'd forgotten, is the one who saved Jinx from a life of crime. My apologies for such a blunder.**

Again, potential adult themes. Don't worry, Robin survived and is okay, if a bit shaken. It's not that I hate him; it's that he's seen as the best pairing for Raven. And even in a story which is not BBxRae, I tend to despise RobinxRaven. I haven't watched any Teen Titan animation in years - not since I stopped writing. When I started this story I saw there were two movies on the Teen Titans that I hadn't seen. Between the first chapter and the second I watched them and both leaned more heavily towards RobinxRaven than BBxRae. In this story he pays the price for that. He's a hero and will remain a hero in this story, but that doesn't mean he has to enjoy it too much. And yes, someone who repeatedly risks their life for the sake of others is a hero even if their personal life is a mess. Robin is a hero.

Just read up on Kid Flash's abilities. Scary - he could give Superman a run for his money. At the moment I can think of only one way for Beast Boy to beat him when he's not hindered by Jinx's curses. I do feel some guilt for what I did to him.

If anyone wants to mention two well-known heroes who will face Team Beast please make a comment.

So many ideas for new powers Beast Boy might have. I'm excited.

 _ **A Meeting of Minds**_

Robin sat in his office pretending he was the confident and capable leader he'd been the day before. His expression was one of resolute determination that would inspire any Titan to follow him into hopeless battle. Inside he wept. He wasn't sure what'd happened but as the sun had finally chased the moon from the sky, and he'd resigned himself to life on a sex-offenders list, the golden-haired dog with the intelligent-looking eyes had given him a very human grin, and to his everlasting shock had shifted into a very attractive blonde-haired woman, sans clothes. She'd smiled up at him, given him a chaste kiss on the lips, and then untied him. A few seconds later, with his mind still broken and not all there, he'd watched as the other seven dogs had shifted into the form of seven young men.

The boy recalled the woman's parting words. " _Thanks for the fun night. Tell Raven I'm open to another bondage session with you whenever you're free."_ Robin let his head rest on his desk, his mind refusing to settle down, to become coherent. Primarily in his thoughts was the relief that he hadn't actually done it with . . . . He shuddered, clasping his arms around his body to ward off the chill that went down his spine. Obviously they'd been were-creatures of some sort, and just as obvious they'd had a human form. They weren't beasts. That seven of them were men didn't faze him too much given what he'd originally thought. It wasn't his thing, but what right did he have to complain given his clear addiction to women and all the lives he was messing up.

Given the woman had mentioned Raven he wasn't too worried about incriminating tapes. Raven was a Titan, a member of his team, and he knew beyond any doubt that he could trust her with his life. With his soul even. The problem rested within him. For the half-demon woman to have done such a thing he knew he himself had broken her trust, had gone beyond what he should have. Yet he couldn't recall much about the previous day other than that cage and what'd happened there. The rest was a blank. Had he made a pass at Raven? Or, heaven forbid, had he made a pass at Bumblebee?

"Morning," Raven said, entering the office. The violet-eyed girl immediately took a seat, taking a sip from the cup of hot chocolate she'd brought with her. "How did the night go? Was it all you hoped for?"

Robin gulped, not sure how to respond. "It was interesting," he admitted. "But not something I ever want to repeat. Next time just kill me. Please."

"Okay," came the unhesitating reply.

Robin kept his eyes on his desk, wondering just how much of the show Raven had watched. For several minutes there was silence in the room as neither spoke.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Raven finally said, placing her empty cup on the boy's desk. "But I think we have a situation."

"Situation?"

"Kid Flash dropped by wanting to see you. Seems last night Jinx and Beast Boy robbed a jewelry store."

Robin blinked, sure he'd heard the girl wrong. Jinx was a full-fledged member of the Titans and what little he'd heard of her said she was happy as such. As for Beast Boy, he was the very definition of a Titan. "How much did Kid Flash have to drink last night?" he asked.

"Not enough to dream up the security footage we got of Beast Boy smashing display cases in the store."

Robin shook his head. "Any idea if the Jump City Prankster's Club staged the display, or did some photoshopping?"

"Sorry. So you don't know anything about it?"

Robin frowned. "To be honest I can't recall much about last night other than . . . you know. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't drive him away. We need him."

"I agree," Raven mused. "Guess it was the Mad Vandal incident. "

"Mad Vandal incident?"

"You don't want to know." Raven cringed a little recalling what she'd almost inhaled the night before.

"Kid Flash say anything else?"

Raven nodded. "He asked that we keep silent on Jinx. Seems their life of bliss wasn't so blissful and they had an argument. He hopes she'll see reason and return to being a Titan."

Robin frowned, once again torn between the light and the dark, knowing the two should never mix. "We can't afford to cast aside two Titans like Jinx and Beast Boy," he finally answered. "But be sure not to let the Justice League or anyone else get wind of this. After all, maybe it was Jinx and Beast Boy who had too much to drink."

Raven nodded. "A bad breakup, a few too many drinks to bury the pain, and Jinx might've let old habits resurface. We keep quiet then." The girl gave a small sigh of relief, not having been sure what their leader would do.

"Just how did they manage to escape thought if Kid Flash saw the robbery?"

Raven hesitated. "You don't want to know."

"How am I supposed to lead a team if everything is something I don't want to know?"

"Let's just say Jinx got lucky and Beast Boy used villainous methods."

 _ **Beast Boy and Jinx at Breakfast**_

Beast Boy stretched and rolled over, scratching his stomach. _Kind girl,_ he mused, thinking of Jinx. Not only had she showed him how to pawn the loot they'd collected, but she'd even allowed him to crash at her place. He looked around the room she'd told him he could use. It was a kind of small for a human but more than roomy for a small dog. He'd made a bed with the one blanket she'd found for him and spent the night in deep sleep as a poodle.

The boy, poodle rather, stretched out, recalling how they'd pawned the loot. Jinx had led them to a well-known international bank and had him dump the loot down a chute. He'd pressed a few buttons and voila, a debit card with a hundred-and-eighty grand on it had popped out. Seems it was all automated. The jewelry was sorted and appraised by machines within a minute and the customer had their money before the police could hope to track them down. Being automatic no one at the bank could be charged with laundering the loot. And the bank couldn't exactly check it against a list of stolen jewelry when it would take the store days to make such a list. It was too late then. It was a clever setup.

 _My first job as a villain,_ Beast Boy thought, fingering the debit card. _Even if it was only thirty cents on the dollar it's pretty good pay for ten minutes effort. I might like this. If only I could use it to pay for a psychiatrist._ It was a tempting idea but he figured any psychiatrist worth going to would report him to the police.

Rolling to his feet the boy pushed the door open and took his human form. The house was small but well kept. Upon hearing a curse from the kitchen he headed that way.

"Morning," he said, greeting the pink-haired girl who was throwing curses, and thankfully not hexes, around like crazy.

"You're still here?" Jinx fumed. She tried to crack an egg on the edge of a pan but the egg, as well as the pan, went flying. The girl let out another series of curses.

"If you want I can cook breakfast," Beast Boy offered, eyeing the shattered remains of half-a-dozen eggs that littered the floor. He carefully stepped around them to approach the girl.

"I can do it," Jinx fumed. When the next egg hit the ceiling as if levitated by magic, the girl used the pan to batter the remaining eggs and the egg carton with all the strength a meta-human like her had. The counter cracked.

"Bad morning?" Beast Boy asked, knowing he should keep quiet.

Jinx turned on the boy. "You think?" she asked, sarcastically. "You know what it's like trying to cook when you're cursed?" She waved the badly mangled pan under his nose. "Nothing ever turns out right. Nothing. Not. Ever." She threw the pan into the garbage.

"Obviously you can cook sometimes," Beast Boy said, looking the kitchen over. "Otherwise this place would be demolished." His eyes turned to rest on the damaged counter.

"Boy, are you dumb," Jinx said, shaking her head in wonder. "I guess I should give thanks for that. I could be cursed and dumb. That would really suck."

 _Wow. I wonder if she and Raven are related,"_ Beast Boy thought. _That's exactly the sort of attitude she takes with me._

Jinx continued to stare at the boy, waiting for him to say something, or realize the obvious. She tapped her foot impatiently. "Do you lose your brains each time you change to an animal?" she asked, voice harsh and condescending.

"Technically, yes."

Jinx blinked at the honest answer."Do you think someone who can't cook would buy eggs?" she asked, lips pursed, frowning intensely at the boy.

"Well . . . ." He shrugged. "You did."

The girl did a facepalm. "Kid, go back to the Titans and beg for leniency. You don't have the makings of a villain. Even Cinderblock has more brains than you, and you know what his head is full off."

Beast Boy, feeling as confused as he usually did when debating Raven, shrugged and let the insults slide. He looked around, wondering what was so obvious. There were knives on the floor where the girl had knocked them in her outburst, a cabinet filled with spices, the mess of eggs, a stove, a counter, . . . . Basically it looked like a normal kitchen to him. Tidy and shined to a polish. He turned back to the girl with a puzzled expression on his face. "Want me to help clean up?" he asked.

"So that's why the Titans keep you around, for comic relief," Jinx said with a nod. "That explains it."

Feeling out of place, the boy kept looking around. He tilted his head, focusing his ears. "Someone just pulled into the driveway," he said. "You expecting company?"

"Idiot, run," Jinx said with exasperation.

"Why? It's not the cops." He let out a yelp when Jinx grabbed his ear and tugged him towards the back door.

"Because we broke into this place and wrecked the kitchen," the girl retorted. "You think I would even have a kitchen if I owned a house. I'm lucky when the microwave doesn't explode."

 _ **Finding a Lair**_

An hour later, having ordered a couple of subs from a fast food outlet, the two aimlessly walked around the city.

"Stop following me," Jinx coldly muttered at the boy.

"Why can't you cook?" Beast Boy paid the girl's command no more heed than he would have Raven's.

"Because I'm cursed." Jinx made a left turn, leaving the boy behind. For five minutes she traversed the streets alone, thinking about her future. She'd enjoyed her life as a hero. Bad sex aside, she'd really been in love with Kid Flash. He was kind, generous, funny, and someone she'd been able to trust. Or so she'd believed. She'd been obviously wrong on the trust part, which made her wonder just how right she'd been about his other qualities. She'd also been able to do normal things, like shop, without being interrupted. Sure, the police still saw her as a criminal, but they hesitated to tackle any villains. That was the job of heroes. Now she was a villain again, only without the protection of a group. And, given her betrayal, she could expect any number of both heroes and villains to hunt her.

"Strange curse that keeps you from cooking."

Jinx sighed. Somehow in her wandering, she'd run into the idiot who wanted to be a villain, again. "It makes me clumsy," she explained. "Unless, that is, I'm in danger. Then it sometimes works in my favor." She turned her back on the boy and marched away, still wondering where she should go and what to do. There were few places that would accept a double traitor, and try as she might to think of a sanctuary, she knew there was none. She was alone, again. She would have to get money and make plans. She would need a place no one could find. Either that or she would have to crush everyone who came after her in such a way that no one dared bother her. Frowning, she gave a sigh of despair. She would have to become as ruthless as someone like Slade. A monster that could kill without remorse.

"So I guess the next step is a lair?"

Jinx cringed. Once again the ex-Titan stood beside her. "Stop following me," she commanded, glaring at the boy. Yet she knew he wasn't the one at fault. He seemed to be wandering as aimlessly as she was. It was her curse trying to make her life miserable again. She wanted to be rid of the annoyance, but the curse wanted the annoyance close by so he could be just that, an annoyance. "Just why do you want to be a villain?" she asked, momentarily accepting the will of the curse.

"To see a psychiatrist."

Jinx sighed, wanting to swear. But that would draw attention. "Have the Titans pay for one."

"Can't afford it. Don't ask why. It's Titan private business."

"How can something that's plastered all over the news be private?" she asked.

"Not sure. But Robin says to keep it private, so . . . ." Beast Boy shrugged. "But if I'm a villain I'll see a psychiatrist in jail."

"So you plan on getting caught? No need for a lair then. Just hit a few banks and wait."

"Well, it's the only chance I'll have to be a villain so I want to give it my best shot." The boy grinned at the girl. "People tend not to take me too seriously. I want to show everyone that I can do things."

"And after you've seen a psychiatrist you'll still be a villain, still be in jail."

"Nay. I'm supposed to be undercover and get information on villains. Also the team needs some practice. Once I've seen the psychiatrist Robin will explain all that and I'll go free. Maybe." He still wasn't too sure on that last part.

Jinx blinked and did a facepalm. "You do know you just admitted that you plan to betray us villains, right? That you're a rat."

"Only if I get caught. Which I know I will since all villains do, but until then I'll be as loyal as the next minion." Beast Boy paused. "Unless they're going to hurt someone."

Jinx did another facepalm.

"Is something wrong? You keep slapping yourself." The ex-Titan sighed. "But the problem is probably me. You know, I often have the exact same effect on Raven."

"I'll admit," Jinx said, "you do need to see a psychiatrist."

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah, I do." He looked around. "Where are we headed?"

Jinx frowned as she considered the question. "I told you to get lost . . . ."

"Yeah. But each time you left you kept walking in a circle. Then you followed where I was going, which is something even I don't know yet."

"That's the curse. It won't let me get rid of an annoyance. As for where _I_ was going, I don't have a clue. No group of villains will accept me. I'll be hunted like an animal. I need a place safe from both villains and heroes."

"I know the perfect place for that."

Jinx blinked, startled. "You do?" For a second she thought the Titans' mascot might actually have a brain.

"Jail."

The girl blinked again. _Nope, no brain,_ she concluded, resisting another facepalm.

"Free food, free healthcare, lots of perks if you behave, no hero will attack you there, and villains break out, not in."

Jinx paused. "You know, you're right. Villains even get their own cell with facilities."

"It'll also make the perfect lair."

"Being locked up sort of hinders a person's ability to be villainous," Jinx countered.

"After the Mad Vandal made his appearance, a lot of villains left the city with a lot of the minor criminals who depended on them for jobs also leaving. As a result the city closed down the western section of the main jail. Anyone looking for a villain is going to see the jail wall and conclude the person they're looking for isn't there. You don't look for a free criminal inside a jail."

"True."

"It even has running water and is still hooked up to the grid. Only thing is the kitchen is in the center section of the jail."

"The heck with kitchens," Jinx muttered. "I can't use them anyway."

 _ **A Villainous Plan**_

"So what's our goal?" Beast Boy asked, sitting back in a very comfortable chair. Getting in the jail had been as simple as jumping over the wall, which no one was watching, and having Jinx hex every lock they found until they ran into more than a dozen pass cards in a guard room. Some parts, like the cells, were still closed off to them, but the rest was now freely accessible.

"A free lair," Jinx muttered. "A large and comfortable one at that." She shook her head in disgust. "You know some of the places I used to hang out in?" The girl looked around. "I wonder if they run checks on this part."

"They don't. Not enough manpower and, as far as they see it, no need to. You could have a ball in here, one where even Robin is invited, and they wouldn't notice."

The girl nodded, pacing around on the cold, stone floor. "Robbing jewelry stores is always good money. We could hit a few banks, but security there is tighter." There was a short pause in her pacing when she realized she'd used ' _we.' Damn,_ she mused, _the fleabag grows on a person pretty quick. Must be a survival trait._

"Cool. I wonder how many we can hit before we get caught."

Jinx frowned. "Not many before Kid Flash catches us," she assured the boy.

"I doubt he'll be doing much running today," Beast Boy said, trying not to sound worried. He gulped nervously. "Tomorrow, maybe."

"Why?"

"Let's just say he must be pretty hungry by now?"

The girl shrugged. Mad as she was she still felt worried about the guy. She shook her head, and focused on the task at hand. "Give me a hundred sit ups, then a hundred push ups," she commanded.

"Why?" Beast Boy asked only to be struck in the chest with a brutal, double blast of hexes.

"Now," the pink-haired girl roared. Then she sat down to do the same herself. "We need to make sure we're in peak condition," she explained. "If I'm on this team you're doing exercise routines at least twice a day."

 _ **Getting a Ride**_

The two would-be villains once again prowled through the streets of Jump City, eyeing cars. For the heists they needed a ride, and since they were thieves it only made sense to steal a car.

"This one," Jinx suggested, pointing to a small white car that had a unicorn for a hood ornament.

"Too small. Not enough muscle," Beast Boy countered, puzzled the girl would even suggest such a ride. "This one," he added, pointing to a huge truck that looked like the very incarnation of power.

"Where would we carry the loot?" Jinx asked, shaking her head in disgust at the boy. "Every bit of space is taken up with stereos." Her eyes lit up as she saw a pink truck with a unicorn on the hood. "It's perfect," she exclaimed. "We got our ride."

"It's pink," Beast Boy said, cringing. "And it belongs to a hooker. Either that or Robin"

Jinx looked at her partner in crime. "How can you tell?"

Beast Boy wrinkled his nose. "Oh, I can tell all right. It's used for sex at least a dozen times a night." He backed away from the vehicle. "How about that one?" he asked, pointing to a very fast-looking, red convertible. "It has speed and what little space it does has is more than enough for our loot."

"I'm not so sure," Jinx replied after a few seconds studying the car. "I like the color and it looks great, but loot can build up faster than you would expect."

"Toss a coin?"

Jinx shrugged. "Sure. You have a coin?"

"No. Just this debit card."

The girl frowned, watching the people pass by. Then she cast a small hex, keeping the motion hidden. It hit a young woman with long, brown hair in the head. Smirking the villainess brushed against her temporarily dazed prey. "Got one," she said, smiling as she turned back towards her partner.

"Don't need one," Beast Boy said, sighing as the woman Jinx had just robbed got into the red convertible and took off.

"Just my luck," Jinx fumed. She let her eyes continue to roam over the parking lot. "That one, maybe?" let said, pointing at a delivery truck with a large red rose on the side. Then she shook her head. "No." Her lips turned down as she considered other places and other roses.

"We have our ride," Beast Boy suddenly stated, pointing, breathing hard.

Jinx licked her lips, studying the vehicle in question. It was large and pure black with more than enough room for any loot they might collect. It also spoke of power with what was clearly custom designed everything. "I bet we could outrace the T-car in that," she said, voice low.

"So, we pick the lock and hotwire it?" Beast Boy asked.

"You know how to?"

"Sort of. I read up on it on my last day as a hero."

"Some villain," Jinx snorted. She tapped the car lock with her index finger, triggering a hex. The door opened. "I'm driving," she stated, making it clear there was to be no discussion. "Now, which jewelry store first?" She pulled the truck out of its parking spot and looked over at the boy.

"We'll discuss that later. Right now I suggest you drive?"

"Why?"

Beast Boy pointed. Bearing down on them, running for all he was worth with a giant bag of loot in his hand, was Billy Numerous. Close behind was Robin and Raven. Then the T-car came into view.

"Oh crud," Jinx muttered. "All this trouble to steal a car? Might have been easier to just buy one." She threw the truck into gear and roared off.

Beast Boy looked over the seat into the back of the truck. "Good start to the day though," he assured the girl. "He must've already hit three or four banks."

"Great," Jinx agreed. "But we won't get to hit anything unless we get away from this guy and those good-for-nothing heroes. She upped the speed. "Grab the wheel," she ordered and let go before Beast Boy had a chance to obey. Through the open window she let loose with several hexes, causing Billy Numerous to split into a dozen clones.

Beast Boy held the wheel, keeping the truck moving straight. Then, out of nowhere, the Batmobile appeared. "Hold on," was all the surprised boy managed to shriek before villain-mobile met hero-mobile. Despite what might've been superior technology the Batmobile was out massed at least three to one; that and they had the advantage of striking their stunned foe on the side. In the form of a gorilla Beast Boy kept hold of both Jinx and the wheel as their ride smashed through the barricade, sending the enemy spinning like a top.

Despite the shock, Jinx, a true villain who was always ready for surprises, managed to keep throwing hexes at Billy Numerous. Watching, the girl saw Billy Numerous briefly become a hundred clones as he ran past Batman who was crawling out of the Batmobile. Without hesitation she threw a few hexes at the caped crusader, immediately marking him as the more dangerous foe. Then a wave of Billy Numerous clones fell to the ground as Batman leapt to the top of the Batmobile. Jinx figured the guy had activated the car's security system but didn't give it much thought - the man was looking straight at them.

"So this is what's it's like being on the other end," Beast Boy said. "Exciting."

"Remember, it's jail if we're caught," Jinx bellowed back. "And that's Batman we just rammed."

"Perhaps too exciting," the boy admitted. "But I think Batman has bigger problems than us right now?"

"I doubt Billy Numerous will be much trouble for him," the girl stated, still casting hexes. Then her eyes went wide. "Frig," was all she said as the T-car came into view. Roaring down the street at over three-hundred kilometer an hour the Mad Vandal struck the Batmobile with Batman still atop it, only barely missing his teammates and the Billy Numerous clones who had had the sense to flee when they saw the T-car.

"Guy doesn't really distinguish between friend and foe anymore," Beast Boy explained. "So, for the sake of Azareth please stop him."

Jinx took aim and rained forth one hex after another. Several hit the black car but appeared to do nothing of significance. While metal, rubber, glass, and plastic all buckled or exploded beneath the attacks the T-car was massively armored and nothing reached its core. "What the heck is that thing made of?" the girl asked, bellowing the words.

"Pure insanity," Beast Boy replied, hitting the brakes to take a sharp turn. There was the screeching sound of metal on metal as the T-car flashed past.

"Sorry, but it seems my hexes doesn't work on crazy," Jinx loudly muttered, taking the wheel again.

"We have a few seconds before he can stop and backtrack," Beast Boy said. "What do we do?"

"Run?"

"He'll have us on radar," the boy replied.

"Abandon the truck?"

Beast Boy nodded. "Might be a good idea. Good ride though. Be a shame to waste it, not to mention the cash in back."

Jinx frowned. "I like money," she admitted.

"I don't know what it's like to have money," Beast Boy answered. "But I would hate for my career as a villain to be over in less than a day. I'll never live it down."

The girl pouted, thinking. "If we ram him?"

"We get tossed in the air like a bottle rocket. Then we crash." The shape shifter shrugged. "It'll hurt. He's heavier and faster."

"But smaller wheels," Jinx mused.

"The park," they both said together, and Jinx set the vehicle in motion.

They went off the road, using the city park as a race track. Powerful as the T-car was, the heavy armor and smaller wheels hindered it. In the more rugged land of the park both vehicles once again matched wits with the stolen ride always evading and trying to open the distance between the two while the T-car tried to close it, to ram. On the rare occasion there was the blast of a sonic cannon, but with both vehicles moving on random courses the odds of hitting were low.

Even so the battle would've gone to the T-car if not for one thing - gas. It took a lot of energy to keep fifteen tons of T-car moving at high speed over rugged land. It was the only aspect in which the stolen ride of Billy Numerous had the advantage. It was large with room for more fuel and had less mass to push. In the end the two villains left the park, racing for freedom as they evaded the sonic cannon of the Mad Vandal who stood raging beside a gasless T-car.

"We have our ride," Jinx said several minutes later as she poured gas into the thankfully very large gas tank.

"Would've been easier to buy a car," Beast Boy replied.

"That's what I said."

With the ride in order the two set out to hit as many jewelry stores as they could. To Jinx's amazement the shapeshifter was very adept at that. He would walk between two rows of display cases as gorilla with the left arm on one case and the right on another. Then he would just rip the tops off of both of them. As an octopus, with one arm somehow very deftly holding a sack open, he then used the other seven to ransack the nearest four display cases. In all, it took the boy under three minutes to loot an entire jewelry store of thousands of pieces of jewelry, and he didn't even get any broken glass in the sack. The banks always charged a penalty for broken glass - they considered it an attempt to trick them. It was a penalty the unlucky girl _always_ had to pay.

With the fast ride and no sign of the Titans or Batman, they hit twenty jewelry stores in short succession before calling it quits. While they both agreed the free loot was great, they also felt it was just too easy with Jinx worrying it would lead to bad habits amongst the team, small as it was. The pink-haired girl absolutely refused to let her new life as a villain start out with sloppy work.

The ride they decided to keep. While they were sure Billy Numerous would have a tracking device on it, they were also sure the guy would now be in jail. That and the underground parking lot of their new lair would block any such signals. So, at the early hour of eleven pm, the two master criminals settled down with pizza, sodas, and a couple of movies.

 _ **Family Feud**_

With his granite chin radiating unrelenting sternness, Batman stalked around Robin's office, studying the Titans. The massive muscles of his biceps said he was ready to hit someone, while the way his gauntlet-clad hands were clenched into dark fists with blades fully extended guaranteed it would hurt - a lot. Then, to everyone's dread, the dark crusader stopped his pacing.

"I came here to ask you people several simple questions," the man stated, tone deep and intimidating. His eyes came to a rest on Bumblebee. "What is the meaning of this?" He held up a picture of Kid Flash with three condoms hanging from his mouth. "Why was this posted on the Titans East website?"

The woman shrugged. "It's perfectly legit," she claimed, only cringing a little. "We often post photos of each other from when we fight crime. The funny ones lets us all know we aren't perfect. It boosts the morale when we get a good laugh, and it means we don't dwell too long on our own mistakes."

"Hrmph." Batman continued to stare. "And what does Kid Flash have to say about it? Doesn't he have a right to veto such a picture?"

Bumblebee suppressed a giggle. "Right now he isn't saying much of anything." At the caped crusader's frown she explained. "There was glue in the condoms. His mouth is glued shut so he can't eat. He's weak as a kitten."

"He's okay?" The tone demanded an instant and truthful reply.

"Perfectly fine," Bumblebee replied. "He won't be winning this month's ' _Titans in Action Funniest Picture Contest_ ' though. But then he's won it for two years straight, and it's time someone broke that winning streak of his."

"I see." Batman's dark tone indicated the opposite. He turned towards Robin. "I must say, you've become quite famous."

Robin gritted his teeth and took a deep breath before answering. "We should applaud your teaching skills then."

"That's not funny." Now it was Batman who was gritting his teeth.

"I thought it was." Robin gave a careless shrug.

"I never created such a fiasco in my life."

"There was the time you and Batgirl . . . ."

"That was different," Batman said, quickly interrupting.

"Then there was Supergirl when you . . . ."

"That never happened," came the immediate reply.

"No. You just wish it did," Robin said with a smirk. "Two busted testicles took you down a peg or two for a while."

"Any more smart-Alex nonsense out of you and I'll take your whole team down a peg." Batman let his eyes slid over to Raven, indicating the distaste he felt at seeing her.

"You won't," Robin said with assurance. "If you do I might explain just why you didn't make it to that ball." He smirked. "I'll explain it to both of them."

Batman, his chin now looking more like white chalk than granite, hesitated. "You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't what? Tell the woman you're dating that you stood her up for another woman. Or tell the woman your secret identity is dating that you stood her up for another woman? Or tell them about each other?"

Batman shrunk back from the judgemental gaze of the Teen Titans. "I have to keep up appearances," he claimed, still sounding tough. "Having a girlfriend as Batman helps keep my secret identity a secret. No one would expect my secret identity to have a girlfriend if Batman does." He looked at the young Titans, seeing their look of disapproval. "It's necessary," he told them, now sounding desperate. "Some people have tried to find out who I am by seeing when I have a girlfriend versus the people they think my secret identity is."

"And the third one?" Robin asked. "You know. The one you stood each of them up for?"

Batman took a step back before rising to his full height, restating his dignity and authority. "Why did two of your Titans ram my vehicle?" he demanded.

Robin shook his head. "I've had Cy check the footage from several security cameras around the incident," he confidently claimed, deeply grateful that, for once, the Mad Vandal had listened to orders. "You ran a red light. While your radar system might've indicated the way was clear it still doesn't change the fact that you broke the law."

'If they'd been going within the speed limit . . . ."

"Doesn't change the fact that you broke the law," Robin restated.

"And the T-car." Batman shook his head. "You have any idea how much that hurt?"

"Technically you were still in the intersection and light was still red," Robin said, standing firm with his heart up in his throat, knowing to falter might doom his team.

"Your teammates broke the law by speeding," Batman claimed. "And why were they in that vehicle in the first place? It belongs to the criminal I helped apprehend."

"We expected Billy Numerous might have had weapons cached aboard his truck," Robin calmly explained. "Or, even worse, that he might have had heavy weaponry installed on it. It was a reasonable action to separate the two. That counters any speeding charges since we were trying to apprehend a known felon."

"And the T-car?"

"Was being used to disrupt the unity of the Billy Numerous clones. If they're disorganized they're easier to defeat." The boy shook his head. "As I recall, you taught me that. Just how old are you now? Maybe a bit of senility creeping in?"

"Don't mock me." The tone, eerily calm, promised instant retaliation for any further mockery.

Robin swallowed and nodded. "I'm sorry. I went a bit too far there." He grinned at his old teacher. "Maybe when I've beaten you at even one game of chess I'll try it again. But it was uncalled for. I'm sorry your trip to Jump City was so disastrous."

"The bill for repairs on the Bat . . . ."

"We'll excuse you from the cost of repairing the T-car," Robin said, quickly interrupting. "We understand you didn't deliberately hinder the lawful traffic of Jump City and cause two potentially fatal accidents."

"I see." The Batman grinned, proud of his student's ability to lead and defend his team, if not keep his personal life discrete. "Good job," he added before turning to leave.

"No one say anything," Robin spoke as soon as the door closed. He turned to Raven. "That look he gave you was just to test your mettle as a Titan. Don't take it personally."

Raven nodded.

"We need to do a full sweep for bugs," Robin continued. "No one talks until it's done and you've all taken a shower and disposed of the clothes you're wearing. Be sure to check behind your ears and in your hair."

"Harsh," Bumblebee said. "Does that mean I've got to get rid of the sexy panties Raven bought me?"


	4. Chapter 4

_**The Deep Fear of Retribution**_

"No, I'm too afraid," Beast Boy said, voice quivering.

Jinx blinked, too startled to think, to even comprehend what the boy had said. "Huh?"

"What if Kid Flash sees me?"

"You didn't seem too worried about that yesterday?" the girl countered.

"He'll be back on his feet by now, hunting me, ready to . . . do horrible things to me."

"You should've thought of that before you pranked him."

"I wasn't thinking ahead," the boy admitted, head in his hands.

"Too late now," Jinx said with a careless shrug. "It's the life of a villain to make people angry. Being angry is a natural reaction when you attack them or the things they care about."

"But . . . ."

"No buts," Jinx snapped. "We need to do more robberies or commit an equal criminal act. Sure it's not exactly villainous, but we will need cash and you need practice."

"But . . . ." Beast Boy yelped and fell flat on his back when another double shot of hexes hit him. Consisting of four hexes, two from each hand cast in near zero time, he'd learned it was the girl's signature move when dealing with uncooperative teammates. Much like Raven's habit of casting him out into the ocean when he annoyed her, it hurt.

"Okay, combat practice then," the irate girl stated, meaning she was about to beat some sense into the boy.

"Combat practice?" Beast Boy asked, not quite whining. "Here? Now? With no practice field?" He was slammed in the chest with another double shot of hexes.

"For crying out loud, at least try to dodge," Jinx bellowed in fury, eyes blazing.

Beast Boy ran, now understanding just why the small girl had been leader of the H.I.V.E. Five. She was scary. Perhaps almost as scary as Raven.

"Fight, you wimp," Jinx called after the fleeing leopard. She sent more hexes towards the animal, then took off running after it.

Two hours later, both sweaty and tired, the two villains collapsed in what appeared to have been the office of some high-level administrator within the jail. It was furnished with several chairs, two couches, an excessively large desk, several file cabinets, a television, and a computer that'd never been removed. It also had the benefit of a working fridge from which Jinx pulled two sodas. "You don't deserve it," she said, "but here." She tossed one of the cans at the boy who caught it.

"Thing is, I have no clue how to beat someone as fast as Kid Flash," Beast Boy said. He opened the can and took a deep swallow, needing the fluids and the sugar. Jinx was no slouch when it came to practice, and he'd been near begging for mercy when she'd finally called it quits.

"I managed it, but only with the help of a decent team," Jinx answered, taking a swallow of soda herself. "He can outfight both of us with ease. We'll be tied up before we have a chance to blink." She shrugged. "Though in your case I think it'll be severely beaten instead of tied up."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"It's not like he'll really hurt you," Jinx said, puzzled by the shapeshifter. She'd just done more harm to him than Kid Flash would and the boy hadn't made a single whimper. He'd just kept getting back up and dodging or running, except for the several times when he'd been the one attacking. She knew he'd held back a little, not wanting to hurt her, but not by much. She could make the hexes not do anything serious, but she guessed it wasn't the same when you had claws - either you did damage with them or you didn't use them at all.

"I would rather beat him again," Beast Boy said. "I just need to figure out how."

"Fat chance of that," Jinx said, flipping the tv on. "Frig," she said, sounding excited. "They even left us cable tv. Best lair ever."

"They figure the crime rate will eventually go back up," Beast Boy explained, "so they decided to not do much other than bar it off from the rest of the prison. As for the cable, the jail has one rate for the whole place. No extra cost to keep it installed here."

Jinx nodded, flipping through the channels like a maniac. The girl shook her head and gave a small laugh. "Less than two days as a villain and I'm already missing television," she admitted.

Beast Boy nodded, noting the girl had paused at a channel with unicorn figurine for sale. "If these debit cards are untraceable you can order it," he said. "I bet they would deliver it right to the jail, and so long as someone is here to pick it up they'll never expect anything out of the ordinary."

Jinx quickly switched channels.

The boy sat back, studying the girl as much as watching the tv. "Kid Flash have any weaknesses?" he asked.

There was a long pause while the girl gave the question some thought. "You probably know as much about him as I do," she said, frowning, not wanting to betray her ex. Sure she was mad as heck at him, but he'd shown her so much. It wasn't even that she wanted it to be over - it had to be over. First, and foremost, she had to protect herself. He'd had sex with over two-thousand other girls, and while meta-humans were pretty resistant to disease, they were not totally immune. He'd put her health, perhaps even her life, at risk. Though, given all the fires he'd started during the act, she doubted she had anything to worry about on that front. Then there was her pride, her dignity. If she went back how could she respect herself?

Beast Boy nodded. "Even villains have limits on what they'll do," he said. "I have no intention of giving away any of the Titan's secrets."

"The way I see it," Jinx said, "is that we have two major obstacles to being villains in this city."

"The Titans," Beast Boy said, wondering what the other was.

"No. Kid Flash and the T-car," Jinx corrected the boy. "Kid Flash, as you know, will just tear through us. He's problem number one. Then there's the T-car. We can't make a move so long as Cyborg can roar in and obliterate our ride like that. We're nothing more than sitting ducks."

"But the other Titans?"

"We can fight them," Jinx answered. "While they're tough, it wouldn't be a total slaughter. Be best to have more members though. Raven is tough." She switched channels, then hurriedly switched it again.

"Wait. Go back," Beast Boy said, almost shrieking the command.

"Kid, if you want to watch that, do it alone," Jinx retorted. In the H.I.V.E. Five the others had never listened to that order, but here she was standing firm on that rule. No porn on the tv when she was around. It always gave the guys funny ideas that she had to beat out of them.

"I think I'm ready to return those movies we rented, and to tackle Kid Flash," Beast Boy said, eyes still on the tv, recalling the lewd advertisement on the previous channel. "More than ready."

Jinx looked over at the boy, wondering at the change. "What's the plan?" she asked.

"We prank him again." Beast Boy sounded excited. "It'll be a laugh?"

"Prank? Laugh?" Are you a villain or a college frat on April Fool's day?"

"For now I'm a villain," Beast Boy said, shrugging. "Or is there a law against calling a plan a prank?"

"If there was a villain would break it," Jinx answered, smirking at the boy. "It's sort of in the job description."

 _ **Hot Gay Lovin' at the Mall**_

Kid Flash fixed his suit and took a drink of extra-sweet lemonade. His face was twisted in a dark frown, blue eyes distance and sad looking.

"You're ready to go," Raven said. "Try to avoid anymore used condoms, okay." She smiled, showing the words were just a light tease.

"Just make sure you have plenty of band-aids ready for when I get back," Kid Flash replied. "Beast Boy will need them."

Raven shrugged. "Don't blame you for being angry, but be careful. Sure he's the joke of the group, but that means he's actually the _'joke'_ of the group."

Kid Flash looked at the girl. "Huh?"

"I think you'll figure it out." Raven opened a cabinet, checking the stock of band-aids. "While I don't know why he declared himself to be a villain, I do know he's quite clever when he applies himself. He won't be sitting around waiting for you. At least not in the way you think."

"I'm faster, I'm stronger, and I'm smarter," Kid Flash haughtily declared. "And in a short while I'll be a whole lot healthier than he is."

Raven shrugged, not looking at the boy as she checked the number of alcohol swabs they had in stock.

Kid Flash stood and vanished from the room, now moving away from Titan's Tower at nearly the speed of sound. He flexed his legs, and his fists, ready to seek the object of his wrath. But while his talk had been of Beast Boy, his mind had been on the pink-haired girl that he'd hurt. _Why,_ he begged of himself, _why did you mess it up?_ The boy had no answer for himself, so he focused his attention on the people he passed.

There were a lot of streets in Jump City. Hosting over a million people there had to be, but the Teen Titan of speed traversed all three-thousand kilometers of them in under three hours. He found neither Beast Boy nor Jinx while his wallet was a lot lighter. It took energy to keep running like that, which meant food. He stopped for a third time at a food court in the Jump City MegaMall where he stood, frowning as he ate four orders of hamburgers and fries with five milk shakes.

"Any luck?" Robin asked, walking up to the boy.

"Not yet," Kid Flash said, swallowing the last of the rather hefty meal before he spoke. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm hunting."

"Any luck?" Kid Flash asked, figuring the leader meant Beast Boy and Jinx.

"Yeah. Just found what I was looking for."

Kid Flash immediately perked up, ready for battle. "Where?"

Robin's fingers reached out to touch the boy's chest. "Right here," he spoke with glee, a smile covering half his face.

Puzzled, but not alarmed," Kid Flash tried to step back, only to find the finger on his chest didn't move. Irritated he raised his own hand to brush the offending digit away. "What are you doing?" he demanded, finding that his hand was now stuck to the boy's wrist.

"Hunting you, my sweet sweet love," Robin answered, still smiling. His voice was loud enough to be heard by the several hundred people in the food court.

"Dube?" Kid Flash practically shrieked, vibrating his molecules to free himself of the pest. Free of the addled leader he tried to flash several feet away. He tripped, crashing to the ground, bringing the still smiling leader with him.

"What are you doing?" Kid Flash demanded, realizing Robin had somehow snared him with a foot around the ankle. Then, to his horror, he saw Robin's shirt tear away as if made of tissue paper. Then the pants - and the boy wasn't wearing underwear. "Stop," he bellowed.

"But honey, we're so good together," Robin quipped, still smiling. "I want to make sweet sweet love to my little lover boy." His hands went to work on Kid Flash's own clothes.

Grappling with the naked boy, Kid Flash vibrated his molecules to free himself again. His eyes went wide and he clenched his butt cheeks in shock. Face red, straining, he kept up the vibrating until he was free. Then he turned, seeking the nearest bathroom, puzzled as to what was happening, knowing only that he needed to go, and go real bad. He raced for the restroom; instead he found himself flat on his face.

"Lover boy, lover boy," Robin crooned, caressing Kid Flash's face. "We shall make such sweet sweet love."

"I'm not that way," came the horrified reply. "Let me go."

"The watering hole," Robin whispered lovingly as he snuggled up to the quivering boy. "Even the mighty lions know it's a place of danger."

Not listening to the nonsense words, Kid Flash tried to vibrate his molecules again, deciding he would keep vibrating until he'd put enough distance between himself and the crazed boy to be safe. He stopped before he'd hardly started. "Oh man," he whispered, near tears as he felt nimble toes somehow snag his boots and pull them off.

"Always be careful beside a watering hole," Robin said huskily. "Now my poor little lover boy is mine to play with." He kissed Kid Flash's neck, softly moaning as he did so.

"Impressive," Jinx said, sipping from a blueberry milkshake.

"I tried channeling the Joker when I wrote the lines," Beast Boy said. "I just left out the crazier stuff."

Jinx nodded. Sitting at a table not too far from the two lovers, the boy and girl ate, enjoying the show.

"Stop," Kid Flash yelled, knowing he had no choice. He vibrated his molecules, straining like crazy, face going red as a cherry as he slowly, or so it seemed to him, freed himself of his unexpected enemy.

"Now now," Robin trilled, moving quickly to keep pace with his intangible prey.

Kids Flashed stopped, knowing he was at his limit in more ways than one. He sobbed as the leader tripped him for a third time and quickly covered his body with his own obviously aroused one.

"Feeling a little weak?" Robin murmured into his lover's ear, hands roaming. "

"What?" was all the trapped and now helpless prey could think to ask.

"Laxative, my love," Robin said, licking a strong-looking jaw-line. "All that food, all that laxative."

Kid Flash's eyes went wide. "Evil," he managed to whisper. "Stop," he begged, only to find a hot and all too eager tongue fervently seeking his mouth. Locked deep in a french kiss the defeated Teen Titan had to admit it was over. He struggled valiantly, but it was with mere human strength. A tranquilizer would've worked its way through his system in seconds. His metabolism could handle almost any poison. But a laxative . . . that was an entirely different story. He needed energy, being low when he'd stopped at the _watering hole,_ as his enthused lover called it. But the food he'd eaten had been flushed through his system by a massive amount of laxative, giving him no chance to gain energy from it. Not only that, when vibrating through objects his metabolism was sped up to unheard of levels, meaning it'd all worked its way through his system, meaning . . . . . The boy clenched his ass cheeks in desperation as his deadly foe started to strip him of his unitard. "Mercy," he begged around the probing tongue. Then he felt his underwear being slid down.

"What is going on here?" a voice boomed. Loud and clear, it still spoke of a deep and unforgettable shock. Standing tall in his black titanium armor, Cyborg had arrived on the scene.

Kid Flash reached out a hand in desperation, unable to speak as the tongue that's only been probing seconds before now slid inhumanly deep down his throat.

Jinx and Beast Boy froze, having expected the Titan, but still nervous.

"What do you two have to do with this?" Cyborg demanded, immediately seeing through the hoodies the two wore as a disguise. He looked down and shook his foot as the nude leader of the Titans reached out the snare it. "Let go," he commanded, only to be pulled off his feet with incredible force.

"Will it hold?" Jinx asked, already knowing the answer.

"Titanium against an aluminum composite," Beast Boy said with a careless shrug, trying to act calm in front of the girl. "It wouldn't, but it doesn't matter. He's trapped."

The girl nodded, relaxing as she took another sip of her milkshake, frowning slightly when she hit the bottom. Eyes still on the show she reached for the last of the large order of french fries she's ordered with the drink.

Cyborg tried to peel the hand away, applying his cybernetically-enhanced strength to do so. After a few seconds, seeing the massive bruises he was leaving on his leader's left hand, he stopped. An unnatural vivid purple they made him worry. His one human eye showed concern as the man wondered what to do. He'd applied enough pressure to break the bones of most men, and though he knew Robin wasn't normal the hand should've let go. "What did you do?" the Titan demanded, looking back at Beast Boy.

"The rule of the Titans is over," Jinx clearly stated, a determined look on her face as she proudly stood. "Jump City will be mine."

Beast Boy cleared his throat.

"Ours," the girl quickly corrected.

"Beast Boy," Cyborg said," shaking his head in confusion. "What the heck are you doing?"

Kid Flash knew it was over. He'd clenched as long as he could, but it was over. While traveling the city he'd stopped three times to grab a total of six orders of fish and fries with an extra large soda. Minutes ago he'd eaten . . . . He'd forgotten just how much, but with his metabolism and all the vibrating through objects he'd done, he'd held it in for an equivalent of five or six days in a regular human - a regular human who'd also drank a half liter of laxative. His stomach loudly roiled, and it all came out in a sickly greenish-brown, high-powered stream that slammed his fellow Titan, Cyborg, clear in the face.

"Say cheese," Jinx said, taking in the scene with a camera. "I'll make sure Titan's East gets a hold of these," she reassured her ex. Unable to resist, the girl tossed several hexes at the cybernetic Titan who'd left her with so many bruises during their many fights. To her shock she hit something important, and the court was filled with even more stench as the two-gallon tank the man had as a reservoir for digested food let go.

"It's all going according to plan," Beast Boy yelled back at his _friends_ as he and Jinx raced for the food court exit.

 _ **First Fight**_

"Let's find the T-car," Jinx stated, needlessly reminding the boy of the next step of his plan.

"It'll be right at the mall entrance," Beast Boy assured her, grinning when he was proved right less than ten seconds later.

Jinx ran for the transport truck she and Beast Boy had hired and opened the back. Lead lined and extra huge, the trailer was more than big enough for the T-car. The powerful machine that could've foiled their future plans was inside within a minute, with the engine of the transport truck already roaring to life. An hour later it was soundly tucked deep within the garage of their lair. They'd stopped twice to paint the trailer and switch license plates, hopefully making the trip untraceable.

"Good job," Jinx said, congratulating the boy as she locked the truck door. "That worked perfect. Even my hexes seemed to go smoother than usual."

"Expand the team or hit more jewelry stores?" Beast Boy asked, excited that the first three jobs of his villainous career had went so well.

Jinx frowned, shrugging as she wondered just who was leader here. "How long do we have before they'll be ready to fight?"

"Raven will immediately know how the trick was worked. Cyborg will be free as soon as they get back to the tower."

"Drats," the pink-haired girl fumed. "So we would still have to face Cyborg, Raven, Bumblebee, and Robin. Four to two. We need more numbers."

"Billy Numerous?" Beast Boy questioned, thinking hard.

"Are you crazy?" Jinx instantly roared, turning on the boy in disbelief. "After what we did to him he'll be furious. He would rip me apart even if we hadn't stole his ride. Or try to. Remember, I betrayed him."

"Yet he's almost perfect as a villain," the ex-Titan countered. "He can become more than a hundred workers when we need them. As a mechanic he's more than decent. And as a fighter he's pretty good. I can't imagine anyone better."

"Gizmo," Jinx retorted, still wondering at the boy's insanity.

"Except we know where Billy Numerous is," Beast Boy said. "We don't have a clue where Gizmo is."

"Except we don't have a chance in Hades of convincing him not to kill us on sight," Jinx countered.

"We can offer him his ride back," Beast Boy said, grinning at the girl. "Trust me, I know men love their rides. I once had a moped that I still dream about."

Jinx closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You're a villain and you're proud you had a moped?" she asked, wanting to scream. "And by what definition are you a man?" Opening her eyes she immediately recognized her mistake.

Beast Boy frowned savagely, unsure of how to act. "What am I? A dog?" he asked, eyes narrowed in furor.

"No. But you're too young?" Jinx said, taking a step back.

"Oh, and at what age does one become a man? How do _you_ decide when a man is a man, and when he isn't." The shapeshifter's teeth became longer, whiter, sharper, with the edges now gleaming dangerously.

"Well. You're too short."

"So Gizmo isn't a man?" Beast Boy asked. "He's what? Thirty? Forty? Fifty?"

"That's not what I meant," Jinx retorted, knowing it was exactly what she'd meant. A woman liked a guy who was taller than her. On that account Beast Boy hardly qualified. "You don't act like a man?"

"And a man is supposed to act how?"

"That's a dumb question?" Jinx said.

"Then dumb the answer down," Beast Boy challenged, not even sure why he was making such a fuss over it. Within him the rage burned.

Jinx raised her hands, ready to hex some sense into her, partner. She lowered them, not entirely sure why she did so.

Beast Boy studied the girl, pondering how someone so smart as to lead a team of villains could be so dumb. His own rage subsided. "His ride, a third of the loot we took, his freedom, and a chance to hit the Titans," he said, voice unnaturally calm. "We can offer him that?"

"And when he attacks me?"

"He won't." Of that Beast Boy was sure.

"How can you be so sure?" The words were uttered angrily, though the girl gave no other sign of her displeasure.

"He's a man," Beast Boy said, shrugging as if it was obvious. "He'll agree and he won't attack you."

Jinx frowned, not understanding the absolute surety in the boy's voice. "We'll see," she said, knowing she would win a fight with Billy Numerous if need be. It wouldn't be easy, and it would be messy, but she would win. "How do we get him out of jail?" she asked.

Beast Boy smiled, the anger gone. He'd been impressed with the girl before, now he was even more so. "I'm interested in him," he admitted. "Not that way," he added, seeing the girl's expression.

"Good," Jinx retorted, resisting a small grin. "I know he doesn't swing that way." She shuddered. "Thank goodness. Can you imagine a hundred of him, each making out with a fellow clone, all in one small room."

Beast Boy went white. "Don't place such images in my head," he whispered in faux terror. "I'm still seeing Robin and Kid Flash together."

Jinx laughed.

 _ **Beast Boy and Billy Numerous try Oral**_

Beast Boy traveled through the jail, easily by-passing high-tech security system after high-tech security system. It was easy for the master of a million disguises - as a minnow he simply took the sewage system.

Billy Numerous paced his cell, wondering how to amuse himself. Having the jail downsized was no fun at all for a villain. The guards that'd once patrolled the closed down section had been reassigned to keep track of the villains, which really cut down on the options they had for escaping. Muttering to himself the tall, muscular man made a turn in his pacing; he stopped and stared.

"Ribbit," the frog croaked, then shook its head. "I'm sorry. I mean hello."

"Hello," Billy Numerous answered, studying the talking frog.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

"For sure. Are you, like, going to offer me three wishes." It had to be a magic frog, right? And magic creatures offered wishes.

"Magic? Not my field," the frog replied, sounding puzzled. "But I can offer you your ride back."

"Cool." Billy Numerous perked up, knowing the day had just got a whole lot better.

"And the money you had in the back of your ride as well," Beast Boy said. "Ribbit."

"Awesome."

"Don't suppose you want to join a team to take over Jump City and beat the Titans?"

Billy Numerous grinned. Freedom, a ride, money, and a good time. He'd got four wishes.

"Thought so," the frog said. "Ribbit." Beast Boy shook his head. "I mean, wait here. I'll be back."

Billy Numerous nodded enthusiastically. "Ready when you are, Mr. Frog."

Beast Boy dropped back into the toilet, drove under the water, and turned back into a minnow. "No," he screamed as a shadow blocked out the light.

Billy Numerous stood, wondering how long he would have to wait, and decided he should use the bathroom now so he would be ready when the magic frog got back. Who knew how magic worked, and it might be a while before he had another chance. He dropped his pants.

Beast Boy swam like crazy . . . .

As a rat the shapeshifter carried smoke bomb after smoke bomb to various locations in the jail. Though a little wary, he did a few trips as a fish. A few more advanced devices were placed in the vents and walls surrounding Billy Numerous' cell. They would short-circuit nearby electronics. With over two-hundred devices placed, all supplied by a dealer Jinx assured him was reliable, the time for his fourth villainous act was at hand.

The villain was still waiting, though the passing hours had caused him to wonder if he'd dreamt it, if it might've been too much chili. Then a green bird erupted from the toilet he'd been watching. "Hello," he said.

"Take this," the humming bird said, dropping a pass card. "it'll give you access to the lair the team is using."

"What's the team called?"

The bird paused. "No idea," it admitted. "Ready?"

Billy Numerous eagerly nodded, wondering if he would be instantly transported. The cell around him erupted in a shower of sparks.

"Now turn into an army and tear that cell door down," Beast Boy ordered.

Billy Numerous did so, feeling relieved as the electronic barrier that'd keep him from forming his many friends disappeared. He became an army of twenty that tored down the door; then he was out, running.

Through the thick, oily smoke the man ran with the bird humming above him, giving terse directions. Twice he barreled through several guards who were no match for a true villain. Three times the bird told the man to use the pass card and, to Billy's shock, it actually opened the tougher gates. Then he was at the entrance, racing for the open air, for freedom. In a path that lead to the wall more smoke bombs erupted, covering his escape route. Once at the wall, it was a simple matter for the man to form ten clones to use as a ladder to climb to freedom. There he saw . . . .

"My Big Beautiful Bouncy Bertha," Billy Numerous loudly exclaimed, stopping to kiss the truck hood, and then the front left wheel, then the front right wheel, then . . . .

"Get in you blubbering idiot," Jinx yelled at the truck-crazed lunatic. "The Titans will soon be here."

"You," Billy NUmerous said, freezing, surprised.

"Who else would break you out of jail?" the girl asked, conveniently forgetting her earlier objections.

Beast Boy flew past the man and took a seat.

"You," Billy Numerous said again, shocked at the transformation, realizing it hadn't been a magic frog and certainly not a magic bird.

"Three, two, one," Jinx quickly counted.

Billy Numerous dove into the truck, knowing the girl would actually drive away when she hit zero. She was strict like that.

"Here's the money." Jinx tossed the man a debit card worth what they'd taken from the back of the truck.

"But you're a hero now," Billy said, still confused.

"I'm just undercover as a villain," Beast Boy casually interjected, his innocent eyes on the road.

"Idiot," Jinx yelled, letting go of the wheel long enough to do a facepalm. "Idiot. idiot. idiot. Idiot." To her shock Billy Numerous just burst out laughing when Beast Boy explained that all he wanted was to see a psychiatrist, and that this was the only way.

When she pulled into the lair's garage Jinx waited for the attack. He would attack her, right? She waited, nervously looking at her two partners as they exited the truck. She frowned. _What if Beast Boy sides with Billy,_ Jinx asked herself.

"Good to see you," Billy said, tightly hugging the tense, on-edge girl. "Any team without our Jinx isn't a team worth being on."

The girl blinked, looking between Billy and Beast Boy. "You're not angry?" she asked.

Billy shrugged. "You got me sent in, and you got me out. It squares."

"And you know Beast Boy plans to betray us?" she stated.

"But not until he's caught," the man answered, seeming not to care. "Until then we'll see what happens." He shrugged.

The puzzled girl relaxed.

"Now, who do I fight for leadership of the team?" Billy Numerous asked, splitting into two.

Jinx sighed.

Beast Boy nodded. "Knew this was coming," he said truthfully. "How about we fight with the winner fighting Jinx?"

Billy nodded. Then he was an army rushing down on the small boy who fled. "Come back," the red-clad man yelled.

"You'll hurt me," the shapeshifter called back.

"It won't be personal," Billy yelled, all fifty legs pumping in unison as he gave chase.

It'll feel very personal to me," Beast Boy retorted. "I bruise easily." He stopped, dashed into a bathroom, and vanished down a toilet.

With all of him wanting to see what'd happened to his prey, yet only one of him able to do so, Billy Numerous became one man instead of twenty-five. He looked in the toilet bowl only to snap his head back, automatically creating a dozen clones. He'd seen something, and it'd jumped. Carefully he wiped at his face. Then he turned green.

Feeling very weird, Beast Boy, all of him, gave the command: _multiply._

Jinx looked in the bathroom, having followed behind far enough to keep out of trouble, yet see what happened. She was curious how the shapeshifter could hope to handle a hundred enemies. She saw Billy Numerous split into a dozen clones, then fifty, then a hundred. Each was green looking and half bent over. Then there were two hundred of them crowding a rather small room, all puking huge amounts of green puke with all of it seemingly aimed at her. She was covered in the nauseating liquid before she could hope to move. Then the clones disappeared, leaving an unconscious Billy Numerous behind.

Beast Boy became a cockroach that slowly crawled from the mouth of the unconscious villain. The insect wobbled a little, then collapsed as it turned back into the shapeshifter. "Guess it's all your's," Beast Boy groaned, "cause I'm in no shape to fight." He closed his eyes with a huge smile on his lips.

Jinx nodded. "I dub us, Team Idiot," the girl said, only half joking,

 _ **Robin's Bad Move**_

Raven sat in mid air, floating a foot or so above a chair. Eyes closed, she meditated while waiting for Robin to make a move on the chess board that sat on a table between them.

Robin studied the board, deep in concentration as he tried to predict the next ninety-nine moves of the match. Needless to say, he wasn't having much luck. Still the boy was sure the demonic half-human girl across from him had some evil trap in store for him. She always did. And he always fell for it. Glad it wasn't a timed game he raised a hand to move his queen. He gently held the piece between two fingers for a whole fifteen minutes, still unsure of what to do. He wanted to attack, but knew his relentless foe would have predicted such a desire on his part. _Better to play it safe,_ the boy decided, pleased with his devious decision. He returned the queen to the board and moved a pawn. "Your turn," Boy Wonder said.

Raven opened her eyes. "Are you sure you want to make that move?" she asked, ready to give the boy a second chance.

"I'm sure," Robin said, keeping his eyes on the board. "I won't be tricked like last time."

"Smart of you," Raven agreed. "By the way, checkmate." She moved her sole remaining rook, which now had a direct path to the boy's king.

"No," Robin said, turning white. He'd been so focused on what the girl could do to him several moves down the line that he'd forgot to check to see what she could do to him right now. "No," he cried again as black energy wrapped itself around his king, toppling it.

"Not trying to find what's going on with Beast Boy and Jinx?" Raven asked as all the pieces immediately floated in the air, resetting the board for a new game.

"I figure Kid Flash will bring them in within a few hours," Robin answered, still hiding his head in his hand. His face burned red with shame.

"Help," came a weary voice.

Both Raven and Robin leapt to attention, ready to rush to the aid of whoever was in distress.

"Help," the voice came again.

"Bumblebee," Raven shrieked, dashing towards the voice. She stopped and stepped back as her lover staggered into view, a taunt rope tightly held in her hands. "For crying out loud, help," the woman said, sounding angry. "And why isn't anyone answering their communicator?"

"Oops." Raven switched hers on. She wrinkled her nose, then pinched her nostrils.

"Sorry. I wanted to concentrate on the game," Robin replied, also turning his communicator on. "What's wrong?" His nose twitched and the boy turned green.

"Don't worry me like that," the woman said, or rather moaned. She made one more weary step, dragging Cyborg's head, still covered in some greenish-brown slime, into view. Another step and she managed to show off Robin's naked behind. A third step showed Kid Flash's.

"What happened," Robin asked, unsure of what to do.

"I think Kid Flash ran into Beast Boy," Raven said, answering for the girl who'd just collapsed to the floor. "I don't think the encounter went as he planned." She noted the rope was securely fastened around Robin's penis, guessing Bumblebee had decided that was as good a place as any to tie it inorder to drag the trio back to the tower. Her eyes glanced between the boy she'd played chess with for the last three hours and his look-a-like on the floor. A look-a-like who had his tongue buried deep in Kid Flash's mouth. "Anything you want to tell us about?" she asked Robin, directing the question to the one who was standing beside her.

"Not in particular," the boy answered.

The phone rang, causing the two to jump. In the tower the phone never rang. Titans used the communicators to talk and no one else ever called. Not ever. With a worried look Robin picked up the phone, wondering how much they could save on the phone bill.

"Hello," a pleasant and sultry sounding voice said, having detected the phone being answered.

"Hello," Robin carefully answered. "Is this Slade?"

"I don't know any Slade," came the confused reply. "I was phoning the Titans to ensure they'd received the _Clingy Andy Sex Slave Robot_ they ordered."

"Um." Robin looked at his look alike who was staring back at him. "Can you describe the robot?" he asked.

"It looks like the Teen Titans' leader and is nicknamed the Penis Brain series," came the pleasant reply. "It's a favorite among our customers who wonder how he was able to seduce so many women."

"I see," the hero replied, still trying to win a staring contest with a robot.

"Of course most people just want to beat the snot out of him," the amiable voice continued. "The robot was built extra strong to endure being tortured a lot. It can even form fake bruises that will slowly heal."

"I see." The boy had no other answer.

"Am I right in assuming I've managed to reach the Titans?" the woman asked, purring the words.

"Yes."

"The bill for two-hundred and fifty-two thousand dollars is in the mail. Thank you for using Gotham Sex Supplies. An international leader in Sex Supplies everywhere," the woman informed him with a smile in her voice." By the way, someone by the name of Bruce attached a message to the invoice. It reads: Do I really want to know why you want a gay sex bot?"

"I see." Robin hung up the phone. "I think I need a vacation," he said to himself. "Or a psychiatrist. Not that I can afford one."

 _ **Robin's Really Really (I mean Really) Bad Move**_

Robin rested his head on his desk, feeling wearier than if he'd just fought a dozen Slades. He'd had the job of cleaning the tower floors while Raven had seen to Kid Flash. Given Bumblebee had hauled the soiled mass of flesh all through the tower to reach them it'd been a rather Herculean task.

"We're out of hot water," Bumblebee said, entering the room.

The leader shook his head, feeling a sense of Deja vu. He was sure he'd heard those words before, and more than once. "We can't be," he answered. "We have a fusion reactor."

"The fusion reactor says to tell you we're out of hot water," the woman said. "And it wasn't my fault. Of course I took two-hundred showers after being within a hundred feet of that mess."

Robin nodded. "He himself had had more than a dozen after his own cleanup job." He blinked, eyes suddenly focusing on the woman's legs, then her chest. _No,_ something roared inside his head. "We can save on hot water if we shower together," the insane boy suggested, giving the woman his Casanova smile.

"We're out of hot water," Raven intoned, rising from the unnaturally dark shadows that'd appeared from nowhere.

A very pale Robin replied, "We can't be. We have a fusion reactor."

"We also have a suicidal leader who's in hot water," the girl intoned, "but we're still out of hot water."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Something isn't Quite Right**_

Raven aimlessly wandered through the tower, feeling anxious and restless. For the last three days there'd been no sign of Beast Boy or Jinx. What'd started as an incident that'd had her more amused than anything else now caused her to wake up at night soaked in sweat. The conclusion that'd been reached by the Titans, sans Beast Boy, was that he'd been brainwashed. But if he'd been brainwashed why would he have told Cyborg that everything was going to plan? The girl shook her head, chewing on her lower lip. Of late, there were so many things that didn't feel right to her. Cyborg's descent into the Mad Vandal tore at her. Robin's excessive flirting, and worse, with every girl he saw was worrying. The joy at having Bumblebee by her side felt so right, yet . . . . It was hard to accept that her life would be more than meditation and solitary reading.

The doors of the infirmary silently slid open and the fretting girl quietly checked on her sole patient, Kid Flash. It's been simple to remove the sex bot from him, but the tongue had separated from the main robot body and was now firmly glued, or perhaps welded would be a better word, in the poor boy's mouth. And while he could vibrate his molecule to pass through solid objects, the ' _tongue_ ' was now a part of his body. That trick wouldn't work any more than it had when his mouth had been merely glued shut. Also, unlike the glue, they could think of no way to remove it. The glue had only required some mild heat and it'd melted, but the adhesive used for the tongue seemed to be heat resistant. Until some solution could be found Kid Flash was Kid IV. It was, to the boy's annoyance, the only way to feed him.

Raven frowned as the tower shook, and she paused for a moment to worry about her ' _brother_.' While not always easy her life with the Titans had once been so simple. Starfire had been her one and only sister. Cyborg had been her big and protective brother. Robin had been her friend, the one whose moral strength was her guide. Beast Boy, her younger brother, had been her link to them all. It'd been he who'd pursued her when she'd tried to retreat from the world, bringing her back by his annoying and rarely amusing jokes. Should even Trigon get loose, she'd come to believe those links would remain electricity and unbreakable. Yet here she was . . . .

The girl stumbled as more tremors ran through the tower. It'd been doing that quite a bit over the last three days. It seemed the Mad Vandal was angry at losing his T-car, and more than pissed at the way he'd been humiliated. Raven shook her head and headed to the kitchen. There she placed a dozen hamburgers, cooked for supper but left uneaten, in a microwave. When the high-calorie mass was warm she reached out with her power to send them to the basement, which was now the attic. She really hated the fact the tower was upside down. Even getting around seemed backwards, reinforcing the sense that everything was wrong.

Drawn by her sense of unease the girl headed back to the infirmary to see the latest tremors had woke Kid Flash.

"He's busy tonight," the boy signed using sign language.

"Yeah," Raven answered, frowning as she studied the boy, wondering what'd drawn her back to him. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

Kid Flash made the sign for hysterical laughter.

"Right," Raven answered, almost smiling at the emphatic way the boy had made the symbols.

The half-demon girl continued to study her patient, eyes narrowed in concentration. Something wasn't quite right with the picture she saw, yet there wasn't anything she could focus in on to explain the sensation. There was a hint of Jinx flavored magic around him, but given he'd been Jthe girl's boyfriend for months that was to be expected. Still, something wasn't quite right about it.

"What is it?" Kid Flash signed, made uncomfortable by the intense stare.

"I'm not sure," Raven admitted. "Has there been anything strange happening the last few weeks?" The boy stared back at her. "Right," Raven said. "My bad. Anything strange not having to do with Beast Boy? Something that you can't put your finger on?"

Kid Flash tried to frown. It was hard to do with a tongue in his mouth. There had been something that'd wormed at his mind, keeping him puzzled and distraught.

"What is it?" Raven asked. "Anything you tell me, I'll keep a secret. And it can't be worse than those pictures of you and Robin at the mall." She shook her head, cringing at how her ever so compassionate and loving lover was keeping those to win the Titans' annual funniest picture content.

Deciding it wasn't as if he had any dignity left, Kid Flash tried, without success, to utter a sigh of defeat. He made his story blunt. "Before Jinx I flirted but never cheated on my girlfriends. Never. Not once. But when I started dating her it was like I went girl crazy. I can see hundreds of thousands of girls traveling the way I do, and after I started dating Jinx I also started obsessing over each and every one of them. I love Jinx. I was happy with her. But I couldn't get those other girls out of my mind and I cheated so often it makes me sick thinking about it. Now it's over, and guess what - I'm no longer obsessing over every girl."

"I see." Raven frowned, recalling how her own attraction to Bumblebee had taken precedence over everything, bringing ruin to her big brother. "So now you wouldn't want to stop and talk to those girls?"

"Want to, yes. But not cheat on anyone with them. And certainly not hurt Jinx."

 _ **Jinx gets a Black Eye**_

Jinx wandered the halls of the lair, wondering if when the time came, and she was caught, if she could get credit for time spent in the lair. _Jail is jail, right,_ she mused, pouting a little. To her annoyance, the team was now called Team Idiot. It seemed that idiot, Beast Boy, had overheard what she'd muttered and mentioned it to Billy Numerous. He'd been amused. And while she might be the leader those two were clearly focused on majority rule. Briefly she wondered if the two even knew how a villainous organization was supposed to operate. But, to her surprise, she'd found herself reluctantly accepting the name. The way Beast Boy had put it in his simple way was: _Can you imagine the look on the Titans' faces when they have to tell people they lost to Team idiot?_ She had to admit the image was amusing.

The girl ceased her wandering, having arrived at the office door that led to Beast Boy's room. If she didn't know better she would've thought he was suffering the same psychic shock that Billy Numerous did when he over-extended himself. For the last three days he'd either moaned about his head, or scribbled in a diary of some sort. _Perhaps he writing down all our secrets,_ Jinx thought irritably, knowing that wasn't the case. So far the boy had only learned of one, where they deposited their loot, but everyone knew that.

The girl knocked, hexed the lock, and marched in. "Practice in five minutes," she firmly stated, making it clear she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Beast Boy looked up and put down the quill he was using. "How about we hit a few jewelry stores instead?" he asked. "It's good practice and we might now have the numbers to handle the Titans."

Jinx nodded, hiding her surprise. For three days both Beast Boy and Billy had come up with so many excuses not to do anything she'd wondered if she was teaching a class of fifth-grade boys. If they'd had homework she was sure Beast Boy would've claimed, ' _my dog ate it_.'

"We also have to come up with a master plan," the girl said, deciding to mention it while the boy seemed enthused.

Beast Boy handed the girl the diary he'd been writing in.

Raising a non-existent eyebrow, Jinx started reading. A few minutes later the horrified girl stared up at the boy, wondering if he was wholly human, or perhaps a half-demon like Raven. But, from what she'd seen so far, she doubted even Raven could be as diabolical as the shapeshifter. "What are you?" she asked, deadly serious. "The personification of evil?"

"A villain."

Jinx slowly shook her head, gingerly placed the diary on the desk, and carefully backed out of the room. As she turned towards the office that Billy Numerous had claimed as his greenery the girl found herself smiling. It took her several seconds to figure out why. The team was working. While he was just a kid, Beast Boy was actually thinking and aiding the group. In the H.I.V.E. Five she'd been the only one to come up with plans, plans which she'd had to force the others to act on. And the boy was clever. Condoms to take down Kid Flash? She would never have thought of it. Still, she had doubts about his latest plan.

Four hours later, inside Billy Numerous' truck, they were on a street lined with jewelry stores.

"Person who collects the most loot wins the "Team Hero' badge," Beast Boy said, eyeing Billy Numerous.

"That'll be me, loser," Billy Numerous confidently retorted, sure of his words. He did, after all, have over a hundred friends to aid him while there was only one of the shapeshifter.

Jinx smiled. Billy hated to lose, and this was a way she and the shapeshifter had come up with to motivate him while brain storming the last few hours. It'd taken that long to get Billy to stop a dozen games of chess he was playing with himself, to turn off the twenty-three sports channels he'd been watching, and put down the seventeen books he'd been reading.

"I'll man the truck," Jinx said, "and keep track of who's winning." The girl took a deep breath. "Now get moving," she roared.

Beast Boy was slow to start, needing a few seconds to clear the ringing from his ears. _Girl has a loud voice when she needs it,_ the boy noted and raced for the second nearest jewelry store in the form of a cheetah.

Jinx blinked, dazed by the sight of the two at work. While Billy Numerous could split into a hundred clones he'd taken the time to joke around with himself, and flirt with a scared store worker, meaning it took him three-and-a-half minutes to clear the nearest store. Beast Boy, having simply smashed through the window of the next store as some sort of giant turtle that looked like it weighed two tons, if not more, was finished in just three minutes. The shock she'd seen appear on the faces of the numerous Billy clones had been fun to watch, and the girl found herself smiling.

Beast Boy ran, using the form of a cheetah to move between stores at upwards of a hundred kilometers an hour. In that form he would then launch himself, still moving at insanely high speeds, at a window before becoming an Archelon - a gigantic, prehistoric turtle that would smash through the window. Inside it was the form of a gorilla to tear the tops of the display cases. Then an octopus to loot the cases. It was efficient, allowing him to clear out a store and reach the next in less than three minutes.

Billy was shocked. He'd been so sure his numbers would win against the shapeshifter that he'd allowed himself to get off to a slow start. A slow start he was having trouble making up for. A dozen clones were more than enough to rip out a window. They would them swarm the store, looting everything in sight. Once, by accident, he'd even come out with two skirts and a bra and panty set. He wasn't sure how that'd happened and decided he would have a talk with himself later. Still, he was lagging behind. He was faster to loot a store, though not by as much as one would expect with only a limited number of clones able to fit in the area around a display case. The shapeshifter was a lot faster when it came to getting between stores. Billy frantically worked to up his game, almost crying as he heard Jinx call out another store for his unexpectedly strong foe.

Jinx found herself busy with more than just counting the stores looted. Not wasting any time the two looters would throw bags of jewelry at her, creating a bombardment that had her overwhelmed. She would stash one sack in the back when another would hit her in the backside. The girl was sure that was on purpose and decided she would make the two pay later, but at the moment she struggled with the onslaught, feeling as if she was fighting a powerful foe instead of stashing loot. Twice the deadly projectiles hit her in the face, causing her to pause to throw some hexes into the stores. She stopped when the bombardment continued, leaving her struggling to catch up.

When one street within a shopping district was fully looted of jewelry Jinx would race for another, using the muscle of the powerful truck to clear paths where none existed. At such times Billy Numerous would just grab onto the hood, not bothering to waste time getting in and out of the vehicle. After all, he was losing. As for Beast Boy, he was usually far ahead of the truck, already working his way through the first store on the new street. Powerful as Billy's ride was, it had nothing on the agility of a cheetah.

 _ **A Change of Alarms**_

Raven was rummaging through the fridge, sure she'd left a partridge berry muffin in there somewhere. It wasn't there. And there was no Beast Boy around to blame. Feeling cheated the girl closed the door. It was then that the Titans' alarm rang through the tower, causing the frantic half-demon to drop to the floor in terror, hand over her mouth and nose. She'd once again forgot to keep the gas mask by her side. It took her several seconds to realize the alarm hadn't sounded like a fart, and there wasn't the usual noxious, stomach-twisting gas invading her delicate lungs. She stood.

"Wow, seems having his own version of the fart alarm thrust upon him worked wonders on Cy," Bumblebee said, rushing into the room. "I might have to thank Beast Boy."

Robin dashed in, having sprinted from his office. "Okay team, we have two jewelry stores being hit. Let's move out."

Kid Flash entered the room at a fast walk, dragging his IV with him. "I'm going too," the boy insisted via sign language. "I'm smashing that insect."

"Until we get that tongue out of your mouth you're in no shape to fight," Raven replied with Robin immediately backing her up with a nod.

"I have to beat him at least once," the boy signed, refusing to back down with his eyes resembling those of Rage.

"Boys," Bumblebee loudly mumbled, slapping the boy on the back of the head.

"I have my IV and it's loaded with pure sugar water," Kid Flash signed. "I'm also carrying three extra IV bags. It's more than enough energy to finish him off."

Robin peered at the boy. "Well, I guess it can't hurt."

They took off. Robin had a souped-up motorcycle which he used to pull a humiliated Cyborg who rode in a small, red go-cart. Raven and Bumblebee took to the air. Kid Flash, making his way on foot, was faster than any of them, yet kept pace with the group. Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the scene of the robberies.

"We're too late," Robin said. "They looted every jewelry store on the street and took off."

"Unusual," Raven said, wondering if the world was about to end. "They always wait around for us."

Cyborg tapped his wrist and studied the readout. "There're a series of robberies being committed just a kilometer from here," he informed them.

The heroic team took off, same formation as before, rushing valiantly to stop the villains.

"Stop," Robin bellowed out less than two minutes later, having seen Jinx get hit with a bag of loot. The girl went down. Jumping back to her feet she got stuck with another. It seemed at least one robber was having a hard time of it.

"They won't stop," the pink-haired girl shrieked. "If I wasn't a villain I would sue them."

"I meant stop robbing the stores," the hero said. "Why are you doing this?"

"For the money," Jinx answered, fitting a bag of loot in the back of the truck. "For fun." She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe just for the heck of it."

"You can still be a hero," Kid Flash signed, making sure that the IV was feeding him pure sugar energy as fast as it could.

Jinx looked at the boy and his hand gestures. "What are you? A mime? Stop acting silly like that."

Raven carefully stood several meters from the girl, keeping alert. "You didn't have to go back to villainy," she said. "You would've been welcomed with us."

"Old habits die hard," Jinx answered. "Besides, the only thing better than window shopping is jewelry store robbing."

"We can fix this," Kid Flash insisted, once again using sign language. He was ignored.

"You can still be a Titan," Raven told the girl. "Please. And return Beast Boy to us. What did you do to him?"

"He's a full member of Team Idiot," the girl proudly declared. "I didn't do anything to him."

"team idiot?" Raven slapped her forehead. "His idea I assume?"

"Certainly wasn't mine." Jinx looked around, seeing that both Billy Numerous and Beast Boy had finished robbing the stores and were now by her side. "Looks like your idea to keep Kid Flash down was a fizz," she told the shapeshifter.

"Sorry." Beast Boy sounded apologetic.

They clashed.

Frowning, fuming, Kid Flash made the first mistake of the fight. He immediately dashed in to tie up his nemesis, then, pausing to stare his defeated foe angrily in the eye, he used his strong fingers to dig painfully into the boy's shoulders.

Looking at the victorious hero Beast Boy smiled innocently before becoming an oversized porcupine. Kid Flash, who was leaning in close, had his nose and lower face turned into a pincushion. Both his hands, still firmly grasping the shoulders of his prey, were similarly treated. Barely cringing the enraged Titan mastered the pain to make two fists.

"Better be careful," a not-at-all concerned Beast Boy tauntingly whispered into Kid Flash's ear. "Those barbed quills seek the heart."

Kid Flash froze, knowing that had to be a myth, yet unsure. As he hesitated Beast Boy became a gorilla that tore the IV from his wrist.

Seeing the quick defeat of her fellow Titan, Raven shook her head and rose into the air. From her hands there erupted dark tentacles of energy that sought to engulf the shapeshift. She was distracted by four quick blasts of cursed energy.

"Time to cut the great Raven down a notch," Jinx said, grinning. If there was one thing she'd missed as a villain, it was a chance to beat the half-demon.

Raven pretended to yawn, knowing an angry Jinx was a sloppy Jinx. Though it did make her attacks more powerful.

Billy Numerous became an army of nearly two hundred and rushed Robin. But as fast and powerful as the clones were, they failed to consider the hero's agility. Boy Wonder lived up to his name and flipped into the air to land on the head of the first clone to reach him. Then he danced, hopping from one head to another, casually taking a split second every three or four jumps to snap a kick into the back a clone's head. It was brutal and effective.

Meanwhile Bumblebee, who decided to focus on the larger threat, dropped down behind one of the many clones and zapped it.

A smiling Beast Boy lept away from the dark energy that'd momentarily reached out for him and faced off with Cyborg. "Hey," he said to his friend. "The plan is really going great, isn't it?"

Cyborg didn't care about any plan, only that he be able to pay the shapeshifter back for the mall incident. Clearly set to cause pain, his sonic cannon began to fire rapidly, sending Beast Boy running. To the cybernetic teen's fury his foe became a monkey that hid in the leafy foliage of several trees. He could fire randomly, but the odds of hitting were brutally low. Then he was hit in the face with something that smelled, something that he didn't care to think about. He silently lifted the sonic cannon to begin a merciless onslaught on the innocent foliage.

When Raven created a black barrier Jinx glanced at a fire hydrant, causing it to shatter. The water erupted upward to slam into the dark barrier, doing no damage. However, knowing her current target was momentarily blind, the girl snapped several blasts of pink energy towards Robin who seemed to be the only real worry. Then she did a backward somersault to evade the attack she knew would come from an irritatingly calm Raven.

Though it caused him to pause in his own attack, Robin, one of the world's two best acrobats, casually evaded the hexes Jinx sent his way. Seeing the pink-haired girl was once again occupied the boy nimbly made a small hop and lashed out with his right foot, delivering another powerful kick to a now defeated clone.

Beast Boy kept track of the path the powerful cannon was cutting in the foliage, making sure to avoid it. Once in a while he sent a smelly gift towards his foe. The resolute boy knew it was an unfair tactic, but he was a villain who planned to win.

"Beast Boy," Cyborg bellowed, temporarily drowning out the sound of the sonic cannon. With his cybernetic eye glowing a chilling red, the Titan made a quick change to the cannon and aimed at the tree trunks. He was beyond caring about city property.

Jinx, irritated and frowning, sent more hexes towards Raven. On the ground she might've had a chance by hexing objects around the girl, but with her foe floating in the air there wasn't much else she could do. When all her hexes vanish against a dark, smokey barrier she cursed.

Raven, lips turned down in a slight frown, held up a barrier, effortlessly negating Jinx's attacks. The half-demon studied the battlefield, wishing Kid Flash hadn't been so easily tricked. Robin was holding his own. Cutting down the clones by the dozens, Bumblebee was making sure Robin wasn't overwhelmed by numbers. Cyborg was futilely destroying tree after tree, being made a monkey's uncle by Beast Boy. And she herself was easily defending against the pink-haired girl's attacks. Then again, the same pink-haired girl was easily evading all the soul energy that was being sent her way.

Frowning as well, able to make the same calculations Raven had, Beast Boy scurried amongst the downed foliage, feeling sorry for the poor trees. Once in a while he made sure to pop up as a monkey to keep Cyborg's attention, and to send him more smelly gifts. With a grin he changed tactics, sending the stinky mass at Raven's barrier.

Seeing something smear against the spiteful barrier, Jinx almost blinked. Instead she focused on it and cursed it. Whatever it was burst into flames, enveloping Raven's dark shield in a brief fireball. The half-demon quickly floated to the left, momentarily dropping the barrier. In that split second Jinx sent three hexes towards the girl, cursing when all three were easily dodged by the nimble sorceress.

Raven wrinkled her nose at the smell of roasted monkey poop and sent her magic towards Jinx in a continuous wave, trying to overwhelm the girl. It failed with the villainess doing a somersault to the left, followed by a backward sommersault. Then another gift came her way from Beast Boy, forcing her to either smell bad, or dodge. She chose the later. The woman's frown deepened as it gave Jinx a chance to reorientate herself and cast more hexes. Raven stoically raised her barrier, knowing once Robin and Bumblebee finished with the clones they would turn on the girl, then on Beast Boy. She only had to hold out.

Taking a calculated risk, Beast Boy ignored Cyborg's relentless onslaught. Instead the insidious boy grabbed a handful of pebbles and stood up far enough for Jinx to see him. Then he tossed the pebbles at Raven, aiming them high so they would fall from above. When the sonic cannon sought him out, he disappeared back into the greenery.

Jinx saw her partner appear, as if from nowhere, and throw the small stones. Her eyes immediately focused on them and the girl grinned viciously.

Raven was confident when it came to fighting Jinx. Her enemy's main power was not just the hexes she could cast, but the power to curse objects. In the air where there were no objects, and with her shield as protection against hexes, the pink-haired girl was at a serious disadvantage. That changed when Beast Boy supplied the necessary objects. As the first pebble fell to just below Raven's barrier it exploded like a firecracker, sending sparks everywhere, causing the startled half-demon girl to send her disc of black energy soaring upward. That was when Jinx cursed the six additional pebbles that had been just above her deadly foe. A wave of sparks rushed over the Raven, causing her to shield her eyes and to rely solely on a moving disc to keep her safe.

A frenetic Jinx, already casting hexes as fast as she could, used the trick she'd developed while dating Kid Flash to cast four hexes almost at once, sending them out in a circular pattern. One grazed Raven's shoulder, causing a small sonic boom. That was the end. Jinx sent more hexes into the dazed girl, grinning manically as she did so. She'd defeated the mighty Raven.

Cyborg, who'd made the second mistake of the fight by focusing solely on Beast Boy, twisted around to bring the sonic cannon to bear on Jinx. The girl mocked him by rolling out of the way even as she let loose with a flurry of hexes. The cybernetic teen was powerful, but against the lithe girl he was outmatched. Keeping her distance, knowing she couldn't face her new foe in hand-to-hand, Jinx rained one hex after another in his direction. The math was simple. He couldn't evade those hexes; she could dodge the sonic cannon.

Robin gritted his teeth, refusing to lose his focus. Pausing in his attack on the clones, he deftly tossed two freeze discs at Jinx. They hit an eerie looking wall of pink energy. It'd lasted but a few seconds, yet it'd been enough to block his attack. Now frowning, the boy snapped out two more which the girl, pressed by his attack, barely dodged. Pushing his limits, Robin moved with exquisite grace as he danced atop the many heads of a vexed and grimly aggravated Billy Numerous. From his hands flew more freeze discs that kept the pressure on Jinx, allowing her not even a second in which to counterattack.

Beast Boy hurled himself at Bumblebee, needing to take her down before she could aid Robin in overpowering Jinx. As a hawk he swooped down upon the unsuspecting girl and became a gorilla. Blasts of electricity, as well as a relentless flurry of bloodthirsty attacks, drove him back, fearing for life and private parts.

"You attacked, Raven," Bumblebee snarled, launching herself at the boy.

"All part of the plan," Beast Boy said, cringing back, wondering at the anger.

"Screw you and your plan," Bumble savagely retorted. Then she smiled maliciously. "Not that you'll be doing much screwing after I'm done with you." She launched herself forward, clearly determined to castrate the boy.

"Eep," Beast Boy shrieked, backing away from the rampaging girl, hands covering her target - his privates. "That's a bit too much," he exclaimed, still back peddling.

"Don't worry," the girl said, still grinning darkly. "It won't hurt for long. Not really. Just your entire freaking useless life." She dashed forward. When her foe became a dinosaur, she casually slammed her right stinger down on its snouth, adding a blast of electricty as she did so. While it was momentarily dazed, she slashed at its privates with her left stinger. Missing, she still managed to send a powerful arc of electricity into it.

"Argh," a severely shocked Beast Boy screamed in pain and rage as he reverted back to his human form with his hands desperately protecting his groin. "That's going too far," he cried out.

"Oh. And what you did to Kid Flash wasn't?" Bumblebee licked her lips, eyes still focused on her fragile target.

"That didn't leave permanent scars," Beast Boy retorted, wondering if she was trying to psych him out, to prevent him from aiding Jinx.

Bumblebee launched herself forward again, determined to attack the object of her wrath - the boy who'd hurt her lover and made fun of her friend. Grinning like the Joker, she pounded her target with bolts of lightning.

In unspeakable pain, the shapeshifter coldly calculated the risk of losing his balls against the harm he might do to the disturbingly warlike woman, and decided he cared more about the former than minor wounds to the later. In desperation he became a thirty-foot crocodile that shot forward with its insanely massive jaws catching the surprised Bumblebee in the middle of her leap towards his genitals; his jaws ruthlessly snapped shut around the woman. Then he spat her out and swung with his tail, sending her flying.

Heart racing, blood rushing, lost in the thrill of battle, Jinx pressed her body to its limit to evade the variety of weapons Robin sent her way. Some were freeze disc while others threatened to electrocute her. Those were bad, but the worst were the boomerangs. They meant she had to watch not only when he threw them at her, but also when they turned around and came back. The proficient warrior she now faced could keep three of those dangerous weapons in the air, forcing her to be aware of them all at the same time even as he threw more of the discs. The girl knew it would only be time before she missed a flip or failed to dodge. She wanted to curse Billy Numerous, but even she had to admit the boy she faced was something else as Robin now not only danced on the head of the clones, but even their finger tips as they reached for him.

Beast Boy paused for a second, staring at the leader, acknowledging the inhuman skill that might cause even Batman to envy. In a fraction of a second the Titan might gently dance between three or four reaching hands, never staying in one place long enough to be caught or fall to the ground. In the midst of that the boy was keeping several boomerangs in the air, deftly catching and releasing them with uncanny speed, skill, and accuracy. It was far more than mere showmanship. When the Titan threw a boomerang he not only had to keep track of Jinx but the other two boomerangs that were still in the air. When each of those deadly weapons returned to him he had to be where he could catch them, meaning his dancing could not be to any random spot that was open. Unpracticed, it was a dance that had to be envisioned a dozen steps ahead without a single misstep in what was thousands of moves.

"Sheesh," Beast Boy said in awe before shaking his head to focus on the task at hand. Powerful as the crocodile was, he couldn't use it against Robin without endangering the Billy Numerous clones. The few that still existed. And in general, while the crocodile was big and powerful, it also made a heck of a target for anyone who had freeze discs or large weapons. But then he didn't need any shapes to alter the outcome.

"Look," Beast Boy shrieked, loud and excited. "It's Slade getting a blowjob from two hot, naked redheads."

Robin knew it was a trap, a lie. But his traitorous body moved of its own accord and he turned to look. Right hand bursting into pain as he fumbled catching a returning boomerang, his eager eyes still searched for the redheads. Then the horny boy missed his next step, but luckily he didn't have to worry as he fell amongst the Billy clones - they were searching for the redheads as well. _Where are they?_ Robin's mind demanded. _Where are they?_

"What redheads?" several clones asked, looking at the other clones. They scratched their heads, looking confused _._

Out of breath, Jinx grinned, rejoicing, as the hero fell; then she blinked with her lips curling up in fury when Billy Numerous went astray as well. Not caring if she hit her fellow villain the girl rained hexes into the mass, brutally cutting down the clones, but also grazing the leg of Boy Wonder. When the boy finally returned his attention to the fight it was too late - his leg had been numbed and a leap went astray. Two hexes caught him squarely in the chest, dazing him. Then a massive gorilla reached out its powerful arms. It was game over for Boy Wonder.

Battle over, Jinx collapsed to the ground, panting. Billy stood talking to his clones, congratulating each other. Beast Boy, for his part, discretely checked to see if Bumblebee had left him neutered or not. She hadn't, but skin that'd been scorched black said she'd done a good job of trying.

"Good job on handling Kid Flash so quick," Jinx said to Beast Boy.

"Thanks," the grinning shapeshift replied. "The way you managed to keep from getting clobbered by Boy Wonder like that was flat out impossible." He shook his head, still grinning, and raised his hand for a high-five.

"High-five," Billy Numerous said, slapping hands with the boy.

Jinx frowed, eyes on the hand the shapehifter now held high for her to high-five. "Until you wash that thing," she said, "I'll kill you if you even touch me."

Billy Numerous looked at his own hand, and recalling just what his partner had slung at Cyborg rubbed it against his pants leg. Somehow it didn't seem enough.

With the Titans temporarily defeated an ecstatic Jinx declare it to be 'all you can steal day,' and commanded Team Idiot back to work. It was five hours, and a hundred-and-fifty stores later, that she allowed her two dead-tired minions to finally stop. During the whole crime spree the girl had an oversided grin plastered on her face which even being hit in the backside by several loot bags didn't remove.

Back at the garage Jinx held up the 'Team Hero' badge.

"Time to decide the winner," a triumphant Billy Numerous declared, knowing that in the last hour he'd pulled ahead of the shapeshifter. "I win."

Beast Boy shook his head. "Think again." He handed the badge to Jinx. "We only grabbed the loot from half of the stores each," he said, looking sorrowful. "Jinx here had to pack all of the bags away."

"But . . . ." Billy looked to be in shock. "Does that count?"

"It does," Jinx proudly crowed. "I collected all the loot while you each only collected half." She smiled proudly as she pinned the badge to her chest.

 _ **Raven and Robin talk of Weddings**_

Raven floated over one of the more shady streets of Jump City, having made her way to the Shady Coroner Bookstore. Opening the door the girl stepped inside.

"Evening," a young gothic-looking girl said in a quiet and pleasant voice, smiling a little.

Raven nodded a greeting of her own, wondering about the girl. With pale skin, black hair, and black clothing she was obviously a goth. She also looked around fourteen, the same as she had six years ago when Raven had discovered the store.

"Anything I can help you with?"

Raven tilted her head, looking at the mass of books that were piled in unsorted stacks throughout the clean, yet dark and chilly store. "Anything on fairy magic and fairy curses?" she asked.

"This way, please." The strange girl led Raven around several piles of books to one towering heap in the back. Deftly the girl then rearranged the pile to leave two books on fairy magic at the top. "Anything else?"

Raven shook her head. "No, thanks." She eyed the girl, wondering if she'd memorized the location of every book in the store. It was the only way she figured the girl could so easily find a particular book in the chaos.

The half-demon woman flipped through the two books she'd been pointed to and smiled in satisfaction. They explained the origins of fairy magic and even went a little into fairy curses. _Perfect,_ Raven thought, heading back towards the entrance. At the counter she paused, frowning, knowing she was missing something. The woman turned around to let her eyes roam over the stacks of books, closely eyeing them.

"The stack right beside you to your left," the goth girl said, appearing to know what the woman was looking for. "Second book down. You can see the spine facing outward."

Raven looked, eyes focusing on the three-by-three stack that was piled at least fifty books high. There, she saw the words, ' _Bride of the Most Evil One_.' Puzzled by the title, not knowing what about it had so fascinated her, the woman pulled the book out. As she read the crude writing inside her eyes went wide, and she quickly added the text to the two she'd already placed on the counter.

"Fifty dollars," the girl behind the counter said, pointing to one of the books on fairy magic. "Fifty dollars," she said again, pointing to the second book on fairy magic. She paused for a second as she let her finger hover over the book on the most evil one. "Five-hundred-thousand dollars," she said.

Raven blinked. While some of her books were fairly expensive . . . . "Twenty dollars," she said, hoping to bargain. The girl looked up at her, black pupils narrow and constricted as if the dark store was the midday sun. "Thirty," Raven offered. "I can always try another store."

The girl smiled. "It's one of a kind, I assure you," she said. "That's what makes it so expensive. It's also quite amusing. That I can guarantee. I wouldn't sell it to just anyone."

"You've read it?" Raven asked, wondering at a girl who could find such subjects as mentioned by the book amusing. Terrifying, as well petrifying, came to mind, and perhaps ghastly, but never amusing.

"I have," the girl replied. "How would I know the value of something if I didn't read it first."

Raven glanced behind her at the several tens of thousands of books, few of which were light reading. "Fifty dollars," she said, hoping the girl would have mercy. "It's stained in places and almost falling apart."

"Five-hundred-thousand," the girl said, standing firm. "But I'll add in the other two for free."

"One of a kind?" Raven asked with a sigh. While the girl was often willing to bargain, this time it seemed she wasn't.

The girl nodded.

"Amusing?" Raven asked.

"Guaranteed," came the instant reply. "I nearly died laughing."

Raven frowned, again wondering about the girl. Finally she handed over her Titan credit card, the one that would charge the bill to the Titans' account and not her own. _It does concern a really bad villain,_ the frowning woman mused, easily convincing herself she wasn't ripping off the team. _A really bad one. We need the book._ The violet-eyed girl shuddered, stomach twisting in knots as she gathered her purchases which had been placed in a small, black body-bag.

The girl smiled, briefly revealing canine fangs as she watched her customer leave. On her left ring finger she twisted a Ring of Azar.

Six hours later, having read the mangled writing of the book twice, Raven burst into Robin's office.

Pale faced, the leader looked up, wondering if his doom had finally arrived. The half-demon woman had yet to even mention the way he'd tried to seduce her girlfriend.

"We have a situation," Raven intoned, complexion pure white. "A big situation."

"What is it?" Robin let out a sigh of relief, glad the girl was focused on matters other than him trying to share a shower with Bumblebee.

"I found another prophecy about Trigon."

"One that says he's gone for good and never coming back?" Robin asked, hoping.

"One that says he's coming back here," Raven replied.

"Why are situations never good news?"

"Because then it wouldn't be a situation," Raven answered.

"What is it," the leader asked, eyes closed.

Raven started to read:

 _"From each race of the mortal world,_

 _the Titan of Lust shall wed a bride,_

 _unifying the broken power of the world_

 _into one continuous shining whole._

 _With the final act of communion,_

 _that power shall open the unholy gate,_

 _unleashing the perfect corruption_

 _of he who seeks the world's destruction."_

"Sounds like gibberish," Robin said soon as the girl stopped. "Sounds like something Beast Boy would make up. Please tell me it's a joke."

"It's written on human skin," Raven said. "I don't think Beast Boy would do that. And the skin is centuries old."

"Oh." Robin gulped. "And it's doubtful that Beast Boy has a time machine."

"You think?" Raven quipped. "And how would he have arranged for me to find it. It was like I could sense the book without even seeing it."

"So, not fake?" Robin hid his head in his hands.

"Not fake," Raven assured the boy.

"Crap."

"Shall we start, sir?" Raven asked.

"Huh?" Robin looked up. "Start what?"

"We need to see how close this Titan of Lust is to freeing my father. How many women have you slept with, sir?"

"But I haven't wedded anyone."

"In demon mythology the act of sex counts as wedding someone. Are you claiming to be a virgin, sir?" Raven raised an eyebrow to peer at her leader.

"Well, no, but . . . ." Robin gulped. "It could be anyone, so why look at me?"

"Anyone who's slept with hundreds of women," Raven stated starkly.

"But . . . ." The boy gulped again. "It's not me, but around two thousand or so."

Raven blinked. "No way."

"Yes way," Robin countered.

"But that's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible for a Titan," Robin said, knowing he'd had this conversation somewhere before.

Raven sighed. "I hope you remember them all," she said, voice strained. "We'll start with some simple questions." Her eyes peered into the boy's. "Did you sleep with Starfire?"

"No."

Raven blinked again. "You slept with everyone but her?" The girl shook her head. "Why not, sir? I would ask if you were gay, but obviously you're not."

"That's my business," Robin replied, cringing back in his chair.

Raven nodded. "True, sir. But now for the big question, did you sleep with Bumblebee?"

Robin's already pale face became paler. "Why are you asking me by name?" he demanded. "There're over three-billion women on the planet."

Raven was silent for a few seconds. "Should I take that as a yes?" she asked.

 _ **The Second Titan of Lust**_

Raven let the door slide shut, blocking out the ungodly shrieks of the Titans' leader. In her hand was a flash drive with all the sordid data Robin could give her on many of his conquests. In short, it was a little over six-thousand video files documenting those conquests - including that of Bumblebee.

"I hear he's still alive," came a deep and booming voice from behind the girl.

Raven leapt in the air, then turned around, heart racing. "Hey Cy," she said, trying to smile. "What have you been up to?"

"Flushing Kid Flash's poop out of my systems."

"Oh. Yeah, that was something." Raven swallowed nervously. "Heard the food court is still shut down. It went everywhere, even hit the ceiling."

Cyborg nodded. "Over three-hundred lawsuits against the mall. The mall in return is suing us."

"Not a good month to be a Titan in Jump City,"

The cybernetic Titan nodded in agreement. "Want me to handle that?" he asked, pointing to the flash drive.

Raven looked at the tiny device, frowning.

"You know, I'll bet what happened between him and Bumblebee was before you two hooked up," the man said, voice calm. "And what happened in the past shouldn't affect you two. People can sometimes date nine or ten people before they find the right one. There's nothing wrong with that."

The half-demon girl nodded, still seeing images of a sweaty Robin and Bumblebee together in her all too vivid mind. "I know," she said. "But that's only half of it. He taped it all."

Cyborg shrugged. "He's an obsessive documenter, but I agree that was going a little too far."

"A little?" Raven asked, clenching her teeth.

Cyborg shrugged again. "I'm a guy and a virgin," he admitted. "If I didn't have such distractions I would go crazy and destroy the world. It's the lesser of two evils. Just think of poor Gizmo."

Raven blinked. "Oh. So we know you're not the Titan of Lust," she said, relieved, and handed over the flash drive while trying not to think of a nude Gizmo.

"I'll set up a program to scan the people's faces," Cyborg informed the girl. "It'll look for ethnic markings and decide if our great leader has freed Trigon.

"Thanks."

"Just so you know, all humans are one race," Cyborg said, frowning.

Raven nodded. "I know, but tell that to my father. He has issues."

Cyborg stoically headed _up_ to the basement garage to watch porn, while Raven headed to the infirmary, crying actual tears that she'd managed to have a civil discourse with her big brother. It even wiped the image of Robin and Bumblebee together as a couple from her mind. Almost.

"What are the names of all the women you slept with?" she asked Kid Flash as she walked in the room. The boy stared back at her, puzzled, so she ended up explaining the whole situation.

"Pen. Paper," the boy said in sign language. He then turned and gave the IV bag that led to his wrist a squeeze. It took him less than a minute to write down all the names, organize them by ethnicity, and hand the writing pad back to Raven.

"Sweet," the girl said, eyes wide in shock. "From now on you'll be writing up the grocery list, handling our finances, and, oh yeah, the lawsuit the mall has against us." She smiled. "Any more paperwork that needs to be done will be sent your way as well."

"But . . . ." the kid signed.

"It'll keep you out of the way if Beast Boy plays more pranks," the demonic girl pointed out. "You can have your way with him when he's cuffed."

"Sweet," Kid Flash signed, smiling, eyes dangerous looking.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Billy and the Dark Place**_

Pacing around the room, a large sports area for prisoners, Jinx was deep in thought. It'd been six days since Team Idiot had defeated the Titans, and while she was still brimming with pride the obvious had hit her and the others. It wasn't enough. If each nefarious adventure was to result in a fight then eventually the Titans would win, which meant eventually Team Idiot would face defeat, hence jail. To truly claim the city for themselves they had to not just defeat the Titans but either drive them away or kill them. The later was clearly out of the question. Billy wasn't the killing sort. He was more like an overgrown kid who just wanted to play. And Beast Boy was merely undercover; he had no plans to hurt those he was truly loyal to. As for she herself, she liked many of the Titans. No, killing was not an option.

 _So, how to drive the Titans away?,_ the sorceress mused, still pacing, _From what was done to Kid Flash and Cyborg humiliation sure won't do it. Then there's that chilling little plan Beast Boy showed me several days back. The one written in a diary-type book._ Jinx felt a cold chill run through her body. _Perhaps I should just find a space ship, some villains have them, and run for another world._ The girl gave the idea some consideration. There were some forces you just didn't mess with - not even as a villain. Lost in thought she rubbed her arms in a vain effort to warm them.

Knowing better than to distract the girl, Beast Boy and Billy Numerous played on the court with all the ferocity one would expect of villains.

"Here," Beast Boy yelled to a Billy clone as he sent a basketball flying. The object smashed into the clone's face with said clone then doing a backward somersault which was not of its choosing. Dashing in the shapeshifter reclaimed the ball from the now vanquished and vanished clone to throw it at the hoop. He missed as nine clones formed a three-by-three wall.

The wall disappeared, leaving a single clone with the ball. "Catch," he yelled, tossing it at another clone on the far side of the court. The ball was blocked by the rump of an elephant which let out a shriek of pain. Before the ball could roll away the elephant became a gorilla that snatched at it. Then, to the gorilla's annoyance, a Billy clone rushed in and became three clones with one regaining the ball while the other two tackled their opponent. Being too slow, one of the clones was crushed under a massive foot when the gorilla once again became an elephant which charged the fleeing ball holder. Looking behind it, eyes wide at the great beast it'd enraged, the Billy look-a-like ran into a wall.

"Should we bring Gizmo into the group?" Jinx asked, not having to raise her voice.

Beast Boy and Billy, as well as the clones, came to a halt. As one they all turned to look at the girl.

"What?" Jinx asked, puzzled by the stares. "The more people we have the easier it'll be when fighting. And we can really use a techno-wizard like him. He's good."

"You do know he's a villain, right?" Billy asked.

"One you betrayed," Beast Boy added.

"One you rejected," Billy continued.

"You're on the team," Jinx stated.

"That's different," Beast Boy said.

"Very different," Billy added.

"How so?" Jinx demanded.

"Billy just wants to have fun," Beast Boy pointed out. "We manage to amuse him, and he likes you."

"But Gizmo only sees you as a traitor," Billy explained. "And he hates you. He hates all women."

"Why?"

Beast Boy and the Billy clones looked at each other, expressions showing massive confusion.

"Just explain," the pink-haired girl demanded, stamping her foot, wondering just when the two had become so in sync.

"Gizmo has been rejected by every girl he's asked out," Billy explained.

"It twisted him," Beast Boy added.

"You know what's funny?" a Billy clone asked, smirking.

"He's gay," Beast Boy and another clone replied, slapping their knees and laughing. "And he doesn't even realize it."

"How do you know that?" Jinx asked, looking from the shapeshifter to one of the clones and back.

"Yeah, how do you know?" Billy asked.

"He's in love with Cyborg," Beast Boy replied.

The clones nodded. "It's so obvious," three of them said. They turned to look at the shapeshifter. "Hey, you're not as dumb as Jinx said you were."

The heads of Beast Boy and thirteen Billy look-a-likes turned to stare at Jinx.

"So, bad idea?" Jinx asked, wanting to smack Billy.

"Very bad," Beast Boy said with the sentiment being echoed by a number of clones.

"I don't suppose Cyborg is . . . ." The girl frowned when once again she was stared at and the whole group fell down laughing hysterically.

"You do know he liked you?" Billy said, shaking his head.

"Back when you were in the H.I.V.E. Academy that is," Beast Boy added.

"Yeah. But I thought Gizmo did too," Jinx said, not quite pouting.

"Cyborg loves women," Beast Boy assured the girl. "He's a bit picky, but you don't have to worry about seeing him kissing Gizmo." Something in the boy's eyes lit up and he turned to look at Billy. There was the same look in his eyes - all thirteen pairs of them.

"Guy has standards," Billy added. "You should be happy."

"He likes women who're smart, strong, and confident," the shape shifter explained. "It helps being cute and all that, but that only gets him to look at you. A woman with no substance doesn't keep his interest."

"Oh." Jinx blushed. Red faced, she turned to resume her pacing.

A Billy clone grabbed the ball and sent it flying towards a teammate at the far end of the court. It was just Beast Boy's bad luck to be in between the two. It slammed into his stomach, knocking him back into the arms of the target clone who briefly held him in a lover's grasp.

"Not my type," the Billy clone said, dropping the boy. He then grabbed the ball and threw it.

A shaky Beast Boy leapt into the air, head going through the hoop in the shape of a cheetah. The ball bounced off the poor cat's head, eliciting some illegible mutters from the clone.

As the ball bounced away the clone managed to snare it. Not willing to miss this time it became two clones, one on top of the other. With confidence it prepared to slam dunk the ball when the bottom clone underwent a psychic reaction and vanished due to the massive gorilla fist that'd slammed into its gut.

Beast Boy grabbed the ball and sent it soaring to the far end of the court, following it as a cheetah. Moving in a blur the shapeshifter twisted around the three blocking clones and dashed where the ball would land. With it in his hands he threw and grumbled loudly when a Billy clone, having been tossed into the air from the other end of the court by four of his fellow clones, landed rump first in the basket, blocking it. The clone vanished when a huge elephant trunk grabbed it by the neck and yanked it out, causing it to drop the ball it'd caught.

Still an elephant, a jubilant Beast Boy grabbed the ball firmly in its trunk and prepared to win the game. It wasn't to be. The poor beast let out of shocked howl of pain and began to rampage around the court, dragging around a struggling Billy clone that had his head deeply buried in a dark and unspeakable place. He'd been tossed by his fellow clones, but they'd missed the mark . . . . As the distraught elephant stampeded through the horrified clones they could only stare in shock and horror, cringing in sympathy for their fellow clone.

Jinx stared at the ruckus, not sure what to think. When the rampaging elephant headed her way the disbelieving girl reacted, blasting the animal with a double shot of hexes, sending all four into the beast which stopped in its tracks. Then it vanished to become Beast Boy in his human form. No words could describe the boy's expression as he looked behind and saw the still struggling clone whose head was still firmly buried in an unspeakable place. Then the boy collapsed forward. Several seconds later, its air supply having been cut off, the clone vanished.

"Nothing to see here, folks," several clones yelled, rushing into the room with a stretcher. A few seconds later they hurried out with a still unconscious Beast Boy.

Knowing she needed a break, and a drink, Jinx left the lair.

 _ **By the Skin of Their Teeth**_

Raven licked her lips as she flipped through the readout Cyborg had sent her via Robin just a few hours earlier. The news on how many different races of people Robin had seduced was bad, but thankfully not end of the world bad. In short, the busy boy had screwed a woman from every race of humanity with the exception of one - fairies.

"So, we escape perdition by the skin of our teeth," Bumblebee said as she took the chance to nibble at the half-demon girl's ear.

Raven moaned and arched her back into the woman who gently held her as they cuddled on the couch. "Not here," the lust-filled girl said, emitting small gasps of pleasure as a tongue trailed down her neck and strong dark-skinned hands moved upward to cup her aching breasts. "Not here," she repeated with the words saying one thing while the tone begged for something entirely different.

"Spoilsport," Bumblebee said. Her eyes looked over the report. "So close," she said, shuddering. "I'm guessing he had trouble finding a fairy."

"Pure luck on our part," Raven admitted, wanting to beg the woman to continue with her ravishment. "There're quite a few of them around."

"Really?" Bumble stared at a tempting ear and gently blew on, smiling when the girl in her arms shuddered with need. "But would it fit?"

"Fit?" Raven asked, needing a few seconds to recover. "Oh. Fairies aren't necessarily small. I'm sure it would. If not the fairy could make it fit."

"Nifty ability," Bumblebee said, shuddering violently with what was distinctly not arousal. In her mind the girl cringed as she recalled the one time she and Cy had tried to have sex. It hadn't worked out.

"We need to make sure Robin learns how to tell fairies from non-fairies," Raven mused aloud, not sounding at all confident it would work.

"You think the end of the world will be enough to deter him?" Bumblebee asked, deciding that twin peaks of allurement were irresistible as she happily went to work on her lover's nipples.

"I-ah, . . . ." Raven pulled one of the hands away, and not knowing what to do with it gently sucked on the index finger. The shudder from the woman behind her didn't help her thought process at all. "I-it didn't with us," she managed to gasp around the finger, sinking deeper into the warmth the woman offered.

"True." Bumblebee went silent for a few seconds. "At least we don't have to worry about Kid Flash."

Raven nodded. "He's not obsessed with women at the moment, and he's a few short of having sex with someone of every race."

"Hmm," Bumblebee mused as she started to kiss Raven on the neck.

With soft breasts possessing two clearly erect nipples pushing into her back, a slippy finger in her mouth, a hand gently massaging one breast, and full lips caressing her neck the half-demon girl could take it no longer. Black shadows surrounded the two women sending them to Raven's room, leaving their clothes behind in the process.

"Thought they would never leave," Kid Flash said, walking in the room to sit down beside the game console. "Let's see, what game is good?"

 _ **The Spear of Destiny**_

Being merely a repository for legal documents, the building was of no consequence to Jump City. No one ever visited it except to drop off crates of papers that no living person would ever access or look at again. With the advent of computers it'd become unnecessary, yet regulations stated that there always be a hard copy, and so within the structure the piles of paper grew without purpose. As a result no one saw the portal open and a six-hundred-pound gorilla step out onto the roof. With a gigantic shrug its muscles rippled, and the creature walked forward to stare down at the city while behind it the portal faded out of existence. Made insignificant by the creature's mass was a spear that it carried on its back.

 _A king and I'm reduced to being nothing more than a lowly mercenary,_ Grodd mused, unsure whether he found the thought amusing or downright disgusting. He studied the city for a while longer, deciding that the best plan of action was to be direct. He would attack the city, which would bring out a few lesser heroes such as that Robin Boy, or was it Robin Kid? Grodd shook its head, annoyed at how many heroes roamed that earth these days. _Either way, they will know where the villains are, and that will lead me to Jinx. Her I can trade to the Brotherhood of Evil for technology._ The great gorilla nodded its head and smiled, baring its teeth in a ferocious grin. Its hand caressed the spear it wore, then it jumped from the thirty-six-story building.

Grodd pulled his feet from the pavement, having penetrated a full foot into the ground when he'd landed. Striding forward he grabbed a red sports car and sent it flying into a store window. Still walking the villain grabbed the next car as well which it sent crashing into what looked to be an ice cream parlor. A while later, having counted two-hundred tossed vehicles, the great beast sat down to think, wondering if maybe there were no heroes in the city. That was when a boy pulled up on a motorcycle, pulling a small, red go-cart with a huge tin man in it.

"Stop," Robin ordered. "That's city property."

"Which?" Grodd asked. "The cars and trucks, or the store windows?"

Robin blinked. "Neither," he admitted. "But destroying private property is just as bad. You're under arrest."

"Tell me where some stupid kid by the name of Jinx is and you might survive today," Grodd offered. He saw no need to fight such lowly beings.

"Jinx?" Kid Flash signed, having stopped beside the red go-cart. "What do you want with Jinx?"

Grodd cast a look at the IV the boy had pulled behind him and gave a shrug. "This is no place for sick people. Go away."

"Jinx?" Kid Flash signed, somehow making it a demand.

Grodd sighed. "I'm taking her to the Brotherhood of Evil," he admitted. "Dead or alive, they'll trade me some tech for her.. Where is she?"

A serious and deadly Kid Flash flashed forward only to go rolling on the ground. The gorilla had tripped him. "How?" the boy signed, standing up.

"I'm not exactly a slow-poke," Grodd explained.

"You will be after this," Robin quipped as he sent two freeze discs flying.

Grodd snatched the deadly projectiles from the air and crushed them. They exploded, covering the beast in a thick layer of frost and ice.

"Good riddance," Robin exclaimed with a satisfied smile.

"To what?" Grodd asked, shattering the layer of ice that enveloped him.

Cyborg, wishing he had the T-car, stepped forward to send a blast of sonic energy into his foe.

Despite his bulk Grodd fell backward. The amused gorilla shook his head and stood. "Nice fly swatter," he said. "I'll have to take that arm before I leave."

"Try this," Bumblebee triumphantly shouted, having flown up behind the gorilla while shrunk. Returning to her full size the woman jabbed both her stingers into Grodd's massive shoulders, adding a few bolts of electricity as she did so.

"Ah, relaxing," Grodd said, moaning in contentment. "I've never had such a good massage before and my neck is always so stiff." He rotated his shoulders, smiling.

Shrugging, knowing it was her turn, Raven stepped forward. Her sharp eyes roamed over the beast, noting its nudity and the single object it carried. "The Spear of Longinus," she said.

Grodd stared back at the girl, his grey eyes showing a hint of surprise. "Seems not every one of you buffoons is totally uneducated," he said, stroking the spear affectionately. "It's a muon based superimposition of quantum-entangled particles that function in higher dimensional space-time to create an Einstein–Rosen bridge to . . . ." He looked around. "I'll dumb it down for you. Spear means I win, you lose."

"It makes him invincible," Raven calmly explained. "Though I'm not sure what exactly it does to create that effect." She reached out with a tendril of soul energy to tug at the spear. The half-demon girl yelped as she was violently tossed backwards, having provoked a psychic backlash. The dazed girl stood only to collapse back to the ground. "That wasn't a good idea." Raven rubbed her head, then puked, moaning.

"Raven?" Bumblebee asked, immediately dashing over to the girl.

"Where's Jinx?" the gorilla asked, wondering how long it would take to beat it out of them. "Why protect someone who betrayed you?"

At the silence Grodd stepped forward, casually kicking Kid Flash while his hand ripped the IV from his arm. A punch then doubled the boy over, impacting with enough force to send him flying thirty feet. When black tendrils of energy came at him he touched them, sending more of his psychic powers into them, grinning at the direct and unprotected conduit the unwitting demon-girl had given him to her mind. There was a shriek and the dark soul energy vanished. A wave of sonic energy then caused the beast to stumble, yet it held its ground and snatched a disc from the air. It was sent hurling at the cybernetic teen who became covered in ice. When the great gorilla felt jolts of energy burn into his neck and shoulder his head lashed backwards and Bumblebee dropped to the ground, nose vanishing into a fountain of bright-red blood.

"Where's the girl?" Grodd demanded of Robin as he reached down to savagely pull Bumblebee to up by her hair. "You can tell me or I can take it directly from this girl's brain." The gorilla grinned. "Of course to do that I got to eat the brain, which is, let us say not good for the whole not dying thing."

Robin swallowed nervously, knowing the team was outmatched; that he couldn't prevent Bumblebee's death, and that the loss of her lover would destroy Raven. He'd lost. Yet he had no information to give, nor would his code of honor as a Titan allow him to trade one life for another, much as it would hurt.

 _ **What holds the Sceptre: the hand or the Gauntlet**_

"Here I am," Jinx said, sitting on the hood of a car less than forty feet away. "Let her go." The pink-haired girl brushed at her pink bangs, knowing death was at her door, yet still worrying if she looked good. She smiled, glad she'd left the Titans, that she'd become a villain again. In the last week she'd formed a team that'd defeated the Titans and she'd brought her nemesis, Raven, to her knees. It was a good last week. Despite herself she'd even laughed a few times at the antics of Beast Boy and Billy. The slight buzz of alcohol still ran through her veins and the warm satisfaction of some really great sex still resided within her. It'd been a great day as well. At the bar she'd drank half-a-dozen girlie drinks and eyed mouth-watering eye-candy. One particular piece of eye candy, though short, had hit on her, and she'd responded to the Casanova smile he'd flashed her way. In bed the handsome devil had beat Kid Flash not only in size but skill as well. In short, he'd made her whole body hum like a master musician playing a well-tuned instrument. She was happy.

Grodd tossed Bumblebee at Robin. "Why show yourself to me?" he asked, shouting the words to cover the distance. "You could've run, hid. Now you will die for someone you were willing to betray."

"I don't have a clue," Jinx admitted. "I guess it's because they did take me in, did give me a second chance. They might be Titans, but I owe them."

"Silly sentiments," the gorilla said. "Come here." When the girl hesitated he frowned. "It's not like I can't still smash the girl's skull," he said. "Come here."

Jinx stood, looking at the unmoving forms of four Titans, one of them her ex-boyfriend. With a sigh she walked forward only to pause as sixteen cheetahs, all green, raced onto the scene. In groups of four, they streaked towards each of the fallen Titans where two turned to stand guard while another briefly became a green gorilla that lifted the Titan onto the back of the fourth cheetah. Then all sixteen dashed off.

"Was that sixteen Beast Boys?" Robin asked, blinking as he looked around.

"That was Team Idiot," Jinx said with some pride, smiling. She glanced around wondering how they'd found her. The girl shook her head, guessing that like her beast Boy and Billy Numerous had been curious and investigated the rucks.

"But you cloned Beast Boy," Robin complained. "You know how much trouble one of him is?" He sighed.

"Not as much as one of me can be," Grodd said, eyeing the girl. "It's not as though you can hurt me." He stroked the Spear of Longinus and smiled. Like his previous smiles it wasn't pretty.

Jinx nodded. "Give me a second to think," she said. "As you know, us dumb humans are slow." The girl smiled at the gorilla while a small green mouse ran up her leg and hid behind her neck. As if bored she retook her seat on the hood of the car. "Beast Boy," she whispered.

"Do you know who you had sex with?" the mouse asked.

"Don't know. Don't care," Jinx said. "What I do know is it was great. And I mean really really great."

"If I was a teenage kid I would be saying TMI right now," the mouse squeaked.

"You are a teenage kid," Jinx retorted.

"Oh right." The mouse scratch behind its ear, wondering where it could get some cheese.

"I assume we're going with plan Gauntlet?" Jinx asked, becoming impatient.

"Yeah. But need to focus on pleasant thoughts," Beast Boy said. "If it's an actual attack, rather than just mindless growth, things might get bad. Don't know how the spear might respond, but it would probably be messy for me."

Jinx gave a slight nod, feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. It was something like really really great sex, but this came from the realization of what the shapeshifter was willing to risk to save her. If things did go wrong it would be really really bad for him. Jinx gulped. "Be careful," she ordered. The worried girl then focused her eyes and peered across the distance.

"Well?" Grodd demanded.

"Humans are really really slow thinkers," Jinx answered. "No rush. It's not like I'm going anywhere." She tilted her head, smiling. "Want to hear a riddle?" the girl asked.

"Why not." The gorilla was amused.

"Which holds the sceptre, the hand or the gauntlet?" Jinx asked.

"Both," Grodd immediately replied. "The hand is in the gauntlets which holds the sceptre. Dumb riddle even for a human."

Jinx shrugged.

The gorilla frowned, wondering what the girl was up to. But so long as he had the spear he would be victorious. Perhaps whatever she plotted would be amusing. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Robin moving, trying to get behind him.

"Okay," the mouse Beast Boy said. "Now's as good a time as any."

Jinx stood and jumped off the car hood. "I guess you won't mind if I see if you're really invincible," she told Grodd. "Let me cast a few hexes. If you can take what I can dish out I'll go quietly." she grinned, mocking the beast.

Grodd frowned. "I do believe you'll cast those hexes whether I agree with the deal or not," he said. "There would be no point in you not to at least try."

"True." Just twenty feet from her foe Jinx raised her hands, sending out a double burst of hexes. They hit the gorilla in the chest where, to no one's surprise, they did nothing. Jinx kept up the onslaught, watching the smug smile of Grodd when not a single strand of hair on his chest stirred. The girl grinned as well, knowing the beast would learn his lesson. No one messed with Jinx. To her fairy sight her foe began to glow with the negative energy she was pumping into him.

"Enough," Grodd roared, tired of playing.

"I agree," Jinx said, looking at the beast who was now lit up like a beacon with faerie energy. The girl smiled wickedly as she sent one last hex in her foe's direction.

Grodd screamed, causing nearby windows to shatter. His fur, engulfed in eye-searing white flames, burned off in less than second while there was the sizzle of flesh burning. Then it was over.

"What?" a furious Jinx demanded, stamping her left foot. "I cast over a hundred hexes and that's all it did." She studied the charred figure of the gorilla. "Damn," she added, still fuming. "I was expecting more."

"How?" a baffled Grodd demand, staring at the girl with a single working eye that rested in a face ruined by fire.

"Those first hundred hexes was just to set you up," Jinx explained. "They were like adding gasoline to firewood so that when you finally strike a match you can be sure it burns."

"But the spear." Charred hands reached behind to stroke the blade of the weapon. It was hastily withdrawn when the spear briefly became covered in quills. Grodd studied the needles that now pierced his hand through the scorched flesh.

"The spear isn't in your possession," Jinx said as Beast Boy appeared behind the gorilla, taking the spear which was covered in a sheathe of green amoeba. "It seems the gauntlet holds the sceptre, not the hand."

The pink-haired girl looked around, noting that Cyborg was now awake and coming back to the battle. Behind him was a dead serious Bumblebee and a frowning Raven. Kid Flash she assumed was down for the count with his IV gone and that sex-bot tongue still in his mouth. Jinx shook her head, wondering how long it would be before he managed to remove it. Standing, she took another glance at the Titans.

"Jump City belongs to Team Idiot," Jinx stated, her voice radiating with confidence and power. "Hero or villain, trespass here at your own peril." The pink-haired girl turned and fled with Beast Boy, at least one of him, racing just a step behind her, guarding the leader of Team idiot.

 _ **By the Skin of their Teeth - Not**_

Robin hesitantly knocked on the infirmary door and walked in. Red faced, he moved slowly, clearly not wanting to face what was to come.

"About time," Raven said, putting down the book on fairy magic that she was reading.

Not meeting the girl's eyes, Robin looked around the room. Once Cy had been their go-to-guy in the small, well-equipped hospital, but when the Mad Vandal had started making appearances Raven had taken over. The boy continued to study the cots and cabinets and machines, still not looking at the girl.

"I got the results back from Cyborg," Raven started. "I don't know how, but you managed to have sex with a person of every race except fairies."

Robin blinked. "I'm not gay," he explained.

"I mean the fairy people, the wee folks," Raven explained.

"I'm not into little people either," the red-faced boy angrily declared. "I'm not that bad."

Raven gritted her teeth. "Anyway, so long as you avoid people with no eyebrows we should be fine. At least for now. Once the team is back together we'll continue to work on it."

"Okay," Robin said. "No sex with eyebrow-less women and Trigon doesn't go free. I can do that, I think."

"You think?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Actually I'm pretty sure I can unless she's a lesbian," Robin added, staring at the floor. "Yeah. Pretty sure."

The half-demon woman frowned, looking at the boy. Something didn't seem quite right. "What is it?" she asked, resigning herself to having Bumblebee massage away another headache. The girl was good at that.

Robin's right hand slowly rose and the boy took a deep breath. He started to tug at his clothes.

"What are you doing?" Raven growled, eyes blazing. 'If this is another attempt to . . . ."

"You'll understand soon enough," the boy said, also gritting his teeth. A minute later he dropped his pants.

Blushing, Raven looked the boy over, eyebrow raised as she studied his now naked lower body. Puzzled, she knelt down to study his lower torso more. "How the heck do you managed to seduce women with that?" she asked, pointing, struggling not to laugh. It was a vain attempt as several high-pitched giggles escaped.

"This morning it was quite different," Robin assured the girl. "It was something a guy could take pride in. Mr. Mega-Dick was a weapon of the utmost power and pleasure."

"Wait," Raven's violet eyes suddenly shot wide open and she leaned closer, much closer. "What the heck happened to you?" She exclaimed. "That's not a penis, that's a . . . ." Gulping, the shocked girl reached out and gingerly pulled two folds of flesh apart. She was definitely looking at a vagina. And the tiny erect nub of flesh was unquestionably a clitoris, not a penis. The girl, rendered speechless, stood and pulled up the boy's shirt. The two breasts, lower B-cup she guessed, were definitely female as well. Her eyes finally sought out those of the boy, or rather girl. "Welcome to the Matriarchy," she told the ex-boy, forcing a grin. "I'm sure your membership card is in the mail."

"Ha ha," Robin muttered, pulling up her pants. "I'll skip the membership and take back my penis, if you don't mind."

"Really?" Raven asked, shaking her head. "You'll be missing out on multiple orgasms. They're awesome."

"Even so," Robin answered, now grinding her teeth together.

"Any clitoris is more sensitive than a penis," the half-demon girl added. "No sane person who's a sex maniac wants to be male. And you're definitely a sex maniac."

Robin clenches her fists. "I want Mr. Mega-Dick back," she stated, near tears.

"Orgasms last longer as a woman," Raven told the girl. "Be happy. More sensitive, longer lasting, and more of them. It's a win-win-win situation."

"Stop making fun of me," Robin screeched. "How did this happen? And how do I get it back?" Tears flowed from the girl's eyes as she considered her lost treasure.

Raven sat down to think it over. "Maybe Trigon is preparing you as a bride," she suggested. "To finish the ritual to open the gate he'll need to have sex with you."

Staring forlornly into the distance, Robin stood still for a full minute, pondering just how big the penis of a sixty-foot guy would be. "Mommy," she whimpered before managing to pull herself together.

"What puzzles me," Raven mused, staring at the girl's chest, "is why you would be changed into a girl before you got around to having sex with a fairy." The woman pursed her lips, thinking, then went pure white. Hands shooting out to draw the other girl closer, Raven peered furiously at Robin. "You didn't have sex since you gave me those sex tapes, did you?"

"No," the frightened girl yelped, then went silent. "Maybe," she admitted.

Raven cursed, wanting to strangle the leader. "Who?" she demanded. "Did they have eyebrows?"

"Of course she did. Everyone has eyebrows," Robin retorted.

Raven closed her eyes, resisting the urge to send the girl on a one-way-trip to . . . somewhere. Normally she would imagine placing the exasperating leader with Trigon, but in this situation that would be bad. Very bad. "Did you tape it?" she asked, knowing the answer. "Get the tape." Focusing, she threw the girl through a dimensional gate, sending her to her office.

"What's up?" Kid Flash asked via sign language as he entered the room. "Figure out how to get this tongue out of my mouth?"

"Don't worry," Raven said, smiling cheerfully. "I don't think it'll bother you much longer."

"That's good," the relieved boy signed back, trying to smile as well.

"Just until Trigon destroys the world." The girl glanced at the time. "Which could be any second now. I'm guessing it all depends on how long it takes him to cum."

Kid Flash went white.

Patience at an end, Raven reached out and grabbed Robin from where she was. "Flash drive," she demanded, holding out her hand. Eyes blazing, the girl turned and showed the small object into the USB port of a computer. Seconds later, the fuming girl having tapped a few keys, the display came to life.

There was a chill in the room. Unwillingly both Robin and Raven turned to look at Kid Flash who'd just reached out to squeeze his IV bag.

"You had sex with Jinx?" the boy signed, eyes now surpassing those of Raven when it came to fury. "With Jinx?"

"No," Robin insisted. "See. This girl is dark haired and has eyebrows. See . . . ." Robin looked around, finding she was now in a biker's bar. Looking down she saw she was stark naked.

Back at the Tower Raven studied the girl in the video. With dyed hair and eyebrows that were clearly drawn on was Jinx - the girl whose power came from fairy magic. "Crap," Raven said. Unsure of what to do, she said the heck with it and teleported to her room into the waiting arms of Bumblebee, figuring some last-minute sex was as good an idea as anything.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: _I've already said that I do not own 'Teen Titans.' But since I'm using several of their characters, I should also add that I do not own the 'Justice League.'_

Note: _I don't usually care about the age of characters, but since this story is rated 'M' I will mention their ages. Beast Boy is eighteen. Jinx would be nineteen. Raven will very soon turn twenty. Robin, Kid Flash and Bumblebee are between twenty-one to twenty-three. Cyborg is around twenty-five._

 _ **Billy and Beast Boy try Oral**_

"We can try it out now," Beast Boy insisted, speaking to a reluctant Billy Numerous.

"It'll hurt," Billy claimed, looking a little fearful.

"First time, maybe," Beast Boy admitted. "But you'll get used to it." He smiled at his partner.

"Why do I have to be the one on the receiving end?" Billy asked.

The shapeshifter studied the massive man, licking his lips a little nervously. "You're way too big," he insisted. "You would rip me apart."

"But it's not fair," Billy cried. "I'm afraid."

"It'll be okay," Beast Boy assured his friend. 'I'll be gentle with you. Very very gentle."

Billy frowned, pouting a little.

"it has to be this way," the shapeshifter told the big man. "I would never get all of you in my mouth. You're huge."

"You're not exactly small yourself," Billy retorted, running his eyes over the shapeshifter. "I don't think I can handle it."

"Don't be silly," Beast Boy said, patting the man on the back. "I said I would be gentle."

Billy Numerous looked at his feet, clearly not convinced. "Do you know what it's like having someone inside you?" he asked.

"Technically, yes," Beast Boy confessed. "Wasn't fun I admit, but I survived it. And they were really big."

Billy sighed. "If I say stop you'll stop? Promise?"

"I swear," the shapeshifter immediately replied.

"You'll withdraw right away and won't do anything too bad?" The man was almost whimpering.

"You're the one with teeth," Beast Boy pointed out. "You won't bite me, will you?"

"Never," the man insisted. "I won't bite."

"Then there's the . . . um . . . you know." Beast Boy looked at his feet. "You don't have any diseases, do you?"

"I'm checked each time I get tossed in jail," Billy assured the boy. "I'm clean. You?"

"I should be. Not like I've had many chances to catch anything." Beast Boy blushed.

"Just get on with it," Jinx screamed, having watched the two idiots banter about long enough.

Billy Numerous nodded and split in two. The two look-a-likes immediately turned towards each and started to fight.

"You do it," one clone argued.

"No, you do it," the other countered.

One of them disappeared as a flash of pink energy ripped into them both.

"Next," Jinx said, tiredly rubbing her head. When Billy Numerous split into two the girl immediately pointed and said, "You do it."

"Why me?" the clone asked, looking afraid.

"Because if you don't I'll do a lot worse to you," Jinx snarled, leaping up from her chair, eyes blazing furiously. "A heck of a lot worse. I'll curse you so bad you'll pray to die. Your screams will make people in Hades thank Trigon they aren't you. When people put a seashell to their ear it'll be your screams they hear. Now do it."

Beast Boy and the two Billy look-a-likes cringed back, wondering if the girl had given the lair away. It was, after all, only a dozen or so solid stone walls between them and the rest of the jail.

Jinx sat back down with her eyes focused on Billy Numerous. The man was strong and fast but nothing compared to many of the heroes and villains she'd come across. Rather, the man's power was in his ability to creates clones. When he did so she had no idea which one was the real Billy, or even if there was a difference. What she did know was that the clones would last until the man recalled them, he got tired, or they lost consciousness. The clones could take fatal injuries, or even die, yet at the end of the day the original Billy Numerous would reappear, whole and unharmed except for some psychic trauma. The trauma it seemed came from him experiencing the injuries they took. If there were two hundred of him and each got punched then the man felt it as two-hundred punches.

Knowing she was making the man nervous, Jinx continued to stare. Back in the H.I.V.E. Five gang she'd tried various ways to enhance his power, even going to the lengths of briefly recruiting a villain who could shrink in size. The hope had been that when that villain was within Billy's body he would also create clones, giving her a more numerous and hence more powerful fighting group. It hadn't worked.

"Proceed," Jinx ordered.

The chosen sacrifice looked at Beast Boy who became a nasty-looking giant horned toad. The toad disappeared in another blast of pink energy.

"Try again," Jinx said, grinding her teeth.

Beast Boy nodded and became a tiny white mouse. Frowning, the Billy look-a-like stepped forward and placed the mouse in his mouth. Closing his mouth the man created another clone.

"Open," Jinx commanded. She muttered when there was only one mouse. "Next step," the girl brutally ordered.

The man with the mouse in his mouth went pale, yet nodded and closed his mouth. The poor clone swallowed nervously and glanced towards the exit.

"Don't even think about it," Jinx raged, standing up from her chair again. "Proceed."

The defeated clone nodded again and split into two. The two opened their mouths to show the head of a tapeworm poking its head up from both their throats.

"So why," Jinx asked, "does the tapeworm create clones but the mouse doesn't?" The girl shivered a little as the two tapeworms became mice that crawled out of their hosts to become two Beast Boys. One of whom was stark naked.

"It's obvious that his process of creating clones doesn't replicate what it sees as a foreign object," the clothed Beast Boy said.

"Both the mouse and the tapeworm are foreign objects," Jinx insisted.

"No. The process must make a decision in each case. The mouse is harmful and clearly not part of Billy's body," the naked Beast Boy said.

"But the tapeworm, even if usually thought of as a parasite, can be beneficial," the clothed Beast Boy said.

"Really?" Jinx asked, not sure how having a worm in your digestive track could be seen as helpful in any way.

"It is," the clothed Beast Boy assured the girl.

"Long ago it was used to treat some conditions, and even modern science says this particular one worked," the naked Beast Boy added.

"I see."

"The clones obviously replicate the stomach bacteria," the naked Beast Boy said.

"So it can't be based on his DNA," the clothed Beast Boy added.

"But we can't use it to, for example, create an army of Bumblebees?" Jinx asked, musing.

"Not unless they can shape shift," the clothed Beast Boy answered.

Jinx nodded, satisfied. It was how Beast Boy had defeated the army of Billy clones when they'd fought to see who would lead the group. He'd replicated as an amoeba inside the man, causing him to get sick. It'd been an experiment the boy had been dying to try and it'd worked. It was also how they'd created over two-dozen copies of the shapeshifter to rescue her the day before.

The girl grinned, eyes burning bright with the possibilities. Neither of the two boys was Superman, but when you can create an army of over two-hundred really strong men and an equal number of shapeshifters who could become any animal it was still one heck of an army. It was also the true potential of Team Idiot, and one she wanted to keep in reserve for bad situations.

"Can it be used to give Billy a weapon?"

"Right now I would prefer a way to give me clothes," the naked Beast Boy answered, hands covering his privates.

Jinx smirked. "Billy's clothes are made from his hair which seems to replicate quite fine. Guess we'll do the same for you." She studied the boy, unconsciously licking her lips. Sure he was green, but now that she'd seen him naked he didn't look too bad.

"You do know what would happen to me if he grew large while inside me?" Billy said. The man was ghostly white and looked unsteady on his feet. "I would be split open like a . . . ." The man cringed and sat down.

Jinx nodded. That's why the original you doesn't make copies with him. You only use a clone to do so. She smiled in sympathy with the man. "Just think. Billy Numerous is the best and the only one who can beat him is Billy Numerous himself with the help of others."

The man perked up, smiling a little. "I am the best," he said confidently.

Suddenly the eyes of both the Beast Boy clones opened wide and as one they smiled.

"A lot of the material in a body is non-organic," the clothed Beast Boy said excitedly.

"But it still gets replicated," the naked Beast Boy said, once again exposing himself to wave his hands about. "There're materials that have lots and lots of tiny bubbles in them," the naked boy hurried on to add. "Cyborg used them to make lighter parts for the T-ship. I bet if you had something like that filled with a lot of hair fibers it might work."

Jinx grinned.

 _ **Lust at First Sight**_

Cyborg entered the kitchen, seeking to hunt down a few steaks. The man froze when he saw a woman standing beside the stove frying some bacon. _Must be someone Kid Flash brought here,_ the Titan thought, not taking his eyes from the sway of the woman's behind as she moved around. He swallowed and unconsciously raised his hands to fix his nonexistent hair.

"Hey," Cyborg said, smiling pleasantly.

Robin jumped, almost dropping the pan with the ever so delightful smelling bacon. "Hey," she enthusiastically greeted the cybernetic teen and smiled back. _Seems he's coming back to his old self,_ the girl thought, rejoicing. _He hasn't sounded this cheerful since . . . ._ "Want some bacon?"

"I would love some," the man replied a bit too eagerly. "Why are you wearing Robin's mask?"

The girl blinked. _I am Robin,_ she insisted.

"Ah. I see," Cyborg said. _Guess she's one of Robin's dates then, and he's got her into some sort of roleplay. Whatever. She's still hot._

 _Whew,_ Robin mentally sighed. _It seems I can still pass for me._ The girl removed the pan from the stove and placed the bacon on a paper towel.

Cyborg worked on keeping his eyes off the girl's chest. Sure she a little lacking in that department, but it fit her lithe and athletic build way better than larger breasts would. In fact they worked to create a whole that was out of this world. Nervously he swallowed again, resisting the urge to fix his nonexistent hair.

"What's the big guy up to today?" Robin asked, daintily biting into a piece of perfectly cooked bacon.

"The usual," Cyborg replied, drooling as he looked at the plate the woman had placed before him. But it wasn't the bacon he was thinking about.

Robin pouted, wondering what else she could ask that wouldn't cause a return of the Mad Vandal. "Wonder why Beast Boy went all villainy," she mused aloud, smiling at the big guy.

Cyborg swallowed again with sweat starting to run down his forehead. "You know about that?"

"Of course," Robin answered, wondering at the man's confusion.

"I'm sure there's some reason. I know Beast Boy and he's a good kid. Jinx too."

Robin smile was instantly turned upside down. Frowning, she wondered just what her partner saw in that pink-haired witch that he would mention her name. "A good kid," she agreed, still frowning.

Cyborg knew he'd gone wrong somewhere, and his mind went blank as he frantically tried to think of a way to get back on track with the remarkable woman. Sure, all he knew about her was that she was hot, but she also had to be smart, right? And strong? And confident? Hand trembling, the big man took another piece of bacon. "Good," he said. "It's delicious."

"Thanks," Robin said, smiling again. "I know over two-hundred and six-three ways to cook perfect bacon." The girl bit at her lip, suddenly feeling a little unsure around her friend. _Why is my heart racing?_ Robin wondered. _What's this sensation in my stomach? Did I cook the bacon wrong?_ Coyly she glanced at the boy, wondering if he'd been lying about the bacon. Maybe he was getting sick too. The girl hoped not, though she couldn't place her finger on why.

Cyborg saw the coy glance and his artificial heart went into overdrive, making it feel as though he'd fought a hundred villains and won. Heck, like he'd just beat Superman into the dust. _She likes me,_ Cyborg thought. _Oh wow. What do I do? Everything I tried with Bumblebee obviously didn't work. Hell, I turned her gay. Oh man, what do I do? What do I do?_

"You okay?" Robin asked, seeing that her friend was sweating and didn't look too well? "I'm sorry. It must be the bacon." The girl tapped her finger on the table, wanting to do nothing more than run away and cry.

"The bacon is perfect," the cybernetic man insisted. "I've never tasted better." It was true, but the Titan knew much of that extra flavor came from the wonderful company. He'd never felt so alive.

"You're just saying that," Robin said, pouting. "Prove it." The girl picked up the last piece of bacon and held it out, smiling.

Steam came out the cybernetic side of Cyborg's head. Slowly he leaned forward and let the woman feed him. "Amazing," he insisted. "I wish I could eat your cooking every day. I wish I could eat nothing but your cooking. It's so incredible."

Robin felt faint while the strange sensation in her stomach seemed to reach a climax. Panting, not knowing what to do, she picked up the two plates. "I better do the dishes."

"I'll help," Cybored hurried to offer.

"No need. it's just a frying pan and two plates," the girl told him while she placed just a little bit of extra sway in her hips.

The processors in Cyborg's head overheated, hitting nearly two-thousands degrees Kelvin. Vision blurry, knowing he had to be a man and help, he stood.

It was an accident of fate. The cybernetic Teen reached out blindly for something to steady his balance and touched the girl on the shoulder. The girl had just tilted her head up to reach for a dish cloth and turned when her shoulder was touched. Cyborg was still unsteady so he leaned down a little. Lips met lips.

To her shock Robin felt an intoxicating warmth swirl through her stomach while her breasts felt . . . strange. The girl blinked, realizing the awful truth. _I'm crushing on this hunk of a man. I want more of him. I want all of him._ She swallowed and blushed as images of sordid acts flashed through her mind, causing her nipples to harden and tingle. Mind made up, Robin reached up, placed her arms around the dazed man, and pulled him closer for some tongue action.

 _Heaven,_ Cyborg sighed, holding the girl of his dreams in his arms. The world was perfect and nothing could ruin it.

"Am I interrupting?" Raven asked, eyes focused disbelievingly on the two lovers.

Robin's heart skipped a beat, then the anger rose.

"Yes you are," she hissed. "Now leave and find your own man. This one is mine, all mine." She tilted her head for another kiss.

Blinking, Raven turned and left.

 _ **Adventures of Naked Boy or The Ultimate Battle of the Beasts**_

Jinx hunted through the websites, seeking the information she wanted. It was nothing new to her. In the H.I.V.E. Five she'd done both the planning and all the research while the others had watched porn or played games. Her nimble fingers flickered over the keyboard, displaying the innate speed and grace of a metahuman.

 _What is it like erect?_ The fingers froze while the girl blushed. Shaking her head she continued to hunt down a source of meta-materials, as the type of metal described by Beast Boy was called. _What is it like erect?_ The thought crashed into her head again and the girl rubbed her eyes. _I am not obsessing over a green guy,_ Jinx firmly stated to herself. _I am not. But . . . what is it like erect?_ She shook her head again and sighed. From the various clones she'd seen of the boy, she knew that despite being shorter than her he was rather well-endowed and her curiosity was piqued. Much as she tried to deny it, she wanted to see it erect. _No sane girl wants to touch a green penis,_ the girl mentally yelled at herself. _Green means rotting, it means disease, it means don't touch. So why am I obsessing? The guy I hooked up with yesterday was bigger, and he was definitely skilled. Focus on him._

Jinx recalled the details of the sex she'd had with the dark and handsome, though rather short stranger that she'd met at a bar. _What is it like erect?_ something within her once again asked with her mind all too vividly provided the image of the dangling green penis she knew existed between Beast Boy's legs. Having had enough, Jinx let out a loud scream and bashed her head three times into the hardwood desk she was working at. It broke.

"Get me another desk," the enraged woman bellowed.

"Yes ma'am," two naked Beast Boy clones chorused, rushing in through the doorway with another desk. They hurriedly pulled the broken desk to one side and set up the girl's computer on the new desk. Then they turned towards her and saluted. "Anything else, ma'am?" they asked as one.

Now eyeing two green penises, Jinx gave another deep sigh. "That'll be all," she told the two. _Would two green penises beat one dark and handsome stranger?_ the girl wondered.

It turned out that Wayne Enterprises was a major manufacturer of meta-materials. Problem was the weapons would have to be forged at the nearest facility which was in Detroit. Which meant travel. Which with Billy Numerous was usually a problem. Add in Beast Boy, who the girl already knew would be a problem traveler and . . . . Jinx leaned her head on her new desk and sighed.

In the end they chartered a small, private jet. It took a while to arrange but, after apologizing to them fifty-seven times for not being able to check the false IDs Jinx had arranged, the travel agency allowed it. Of course it'd been Jinx hexing the computer system. And so Team idiot arrived in short time to the city of Detroit.

The assault team for the 'Detroit City Meta(l) Facility' consisted solely of twenty Beast Boy clones. There was no need for any of the others and Jinx figured the job should be easy for the shapeshifter. The one who she assumed was the real Beast Boy would stay behind in a rented transport truck along with her and the twenty Billy clones that'd been used to form the Beast Boy clones.

And so the Beast Boy army took flight as a single hummingbird carrying nineteen fleas that easily flew over a rather tall and dangerous electric fence. Ignored by the motion detectors the bird patiently studied the building from every direction and entered a ventilation shaft. While the shaft also had motion detectors the bird failed to read as anything threatening so it was allowed to pass unharmed. Yet it was unusual, and if Bruce Wayne had learned anything as Batman it was that the unusual could kill. No lights turned red in the security room, but several did flash yellow.

It also seemed that Bruce Wayne had learned not to allow public access to the schematics for his property, so the Beast Boy army explored the building with the fleas swarming in every direction to create a map. With a hive mind of sorts linking them the job was done in short order and a control room was located. There the shapeshifter found a dozen guards waiting, each armed with stun rifles and armor.

"it's just a bird," one newbie guard said dismissively.

"That just happened to find its way to the control room," a more experienced guard said. "Shoot to stun."

Not wanting to show more of Team Idiot's true power than necessary, the army of fleas took cover while the sole hummingbird prepared for battle. The beams of the stun guns were easily ignored allowing Beast Boy to land on the head of the guard who seemed most experienced. For a second he became an elephant, crushing five of his enemies to the floor. Charging, he scattered the others, knocking two more unconscious. That still left five.

The shapeshifter became the hummingbird again to evade more of the beams. A few came close, but the mind of a hummingbird was designed to maneuver through trees at high speed, making the movements of the guards appear slow. Patiently the shapeshifter watched and waited while thinking. Without warning he darted forward, turned around, and became a gorilla that smashed two skulls together. A backward thrust of the beast's elbow took care of a third guard. Then he was the hummingbird again.

"Just a bird, huh?" a guard muttered, firing at said bird.

"My bad," the newbie guard said. His gun was silent as he tried to track the attacker.

Twelve might've had a chance to hit him, but two didn't worry the bird. Beast Boy darted forward and became a flying pig that smashed one guard to the floor. Then he was a hummingbird again. The last guard also fell easily to the flying pig trick.

This time when the pig disappeared a nude Beast Boy took shape in the room. "I really wish I had clothes," the boy muttered.

It was Billy Numerous who understood machinery the best so back in the transport truck he started to explain how to operate the machinery to the clothed Beast Boy who sat beside him. In the control room the naked Beast Boy obeyed and placed some hair in a receptacle. Moving with the utmost care he then started typing instructions to build various weapons into a computer. Swallowing, hoping he'd got it right, the boy watched the hair disappear as it was moved to the actual factory where a 3D-printer would create the desired weapons.

"My my, now I've seen everything," a voice said, mocking the boy.

Beast Boy whirled around to see a woman dressed in black except for the chest which was a cross between tan or gold. The startled shapeshifter swallowed and stared as he thought something that he'd never believed was possible. _She's hotter than Raven._

"You usually break into places naked?" the woman asked.

"Not usually," the boy admitted, still staring.

The woman shook her head. "Either way, you're going down." Briefly she touched the charm around her neck and stepped forward.

Beast Boy saw the image of a gorilla temporarily appear around the woman and a name came to him, Vixen. Briefly, with some envy, he wondered if the woman was one of Robin's conquests. Then he was too busy to think.

The woman, amused as she was at a naked thief, was willing to make the punishment fit the crime. Her foot rose with inhuman speed, aimed squarely at the boy's crotch. She figured it would teach him not to be a pervert and take him down. Two birds with one stone.

The woman moved fast, becoming little more than a blur to Beast Boy, giving him no chance to evade or block the foot that would neuter him. Yet he had twenty-one minds to think with and one of them found a way out. He became a large porcupine.

"Holy crap," Vixen exclaimed, falling backwards. Knowing an attack could come at any second she rolled to her feet, suppressing the pain of having fifty or more needles buried deep in her right foot and lower leg. As she moved they bent and cracked inside her, creating even more pain. "Holy fuck," the woman gasped. "That hurts."

"You tried to neuter me," Beast Boy said, looking pale. "Can you imagine how much that would've hurt?"

Around the still white clone several of the hidden fleas recalled how fast and nimble the mind of a hummingbird was, and that it'd affected them despite they not being the ones in that form. Several of the better-hidden clones became hummingbirds and the mind of the boy, as well as the hive mind they seemed to share, hummed with speed and agility. To their senses the woman ceased to move so unbearably fast.

"Shapeshifter," Vixen hissed, testing her leg to see if she could use it.

"Yeah. And you're Vixen. Didn't expect to see you here today."

"Your bad luck," the woman growled.

"Don't you have better things to do than bother a small-time villain like me?" The words sounded hopeful.

"Not anymore," Vixen said in a tone that promised the boy plenty of attention, and lots of pain.

"Drats."

The woman touched her necklace again and thought of a tiger. She leapt forward.

Beast Boy became a T-rex that met the woman's attack with a charge of his own. It should've been a very unequal match. It wasn't. While the woman was sent backtracking a few feet, her speed let her outflank the boy and she tore into his side, drawing blood. The tail of the T-rex smashed her aside but the enraged woman regained her feet and immediately resumed the onslaught. In desperation Beast Boy became a massive thirty-foot crocodile and whip-lashed his tail. The woman was slammed into a concrete wall.

"My head," Vixen moaned, staring at the huge creature that was now standing eerily still, watching her. "I don't suppose you have a name," she asked, hoping for time to recover.

"Lots. Unfortunately they mostly suck," Beast Boy said, returning to his human form. "My team have taken to calling me Naked Boy lately."

"Quite understandable," Vixen replied. "What's the name of this mighty league of villains you belong to." She failed to keep the mockery out of her voice, but then she wasn't trying.

"Team Idiot."

The woman blinked. "Uh?"

"With all the names I have you think one would be respectable. I mean, why not Naked Man? Why does it have to be Boy this and Boy that?"

"I see." Actually she didn't, but it did reinforce her determination not to loose to such a . . . less than respectable villain. The woman touched her totem and called on the power of a hawk. Immediately she was flying just below the ceiling where she called on the power of a cheetah that she used to push off from said ceiling with all the strength she could muster. Seeing that her dimwitted prey was still staring at where she'd been, clearly unable to track her, the woman called on the power of an elephant. Weighing several tons that were moving at over a hundred kilometer an hour the woman smashed into the boy. Though she wished she hadn't.

Even with the minds of the hummingbirds enhancing his own Beast Boy found the woman hard to track. She was faster than him, and he guessed stronger. Many of the females within the animal kingdom were. Still, he knew she was operating on the same principle that he was - she was a hero that didn't kill. Knowing that he knew the woman would not hit his head, killing him. The position directly between her legs was safe and he stayed there, once again becoming a porcupine.

Vixen howled, having landed with her feet just to each side of the bastard, a bastard that had thousands of barbed quills sticking out of him. She threw herself into a roll to gain some distance, but once again she noted that he didn't follow her, didn't take advantage of her momentary disadvantage. Clearly he was mocking her and her rage grew, as did the instincts of the animals within her mind.

"You know, if we keep this up someone is going to get hurt."

Vixen paused. "The one who'll get hurt the most is you." She growled the words, putting in them all the fury a woman with over two-hundred porcupine quills in her lower legs and feet could.

The shapeshifter shrugged. "I meant them." He pointed to the dozen men who were either unconscious or moaning as they started to come around.

"Oh." Vixen studied the boy and then the guards, noting that the latter had no obvious wounds. He might be a villain, but obviously not a bloodthirsty one. She pointed at two men who'd just regained consciousness. "Pull your people to somewhere safe," she ordered.

"Of course you know this helps me more than you," Beast Boy said, filling up the time as they waited.

"How so?"

"You don't actually change shape, though I've heard you can. I do. With them gone it means I don't have to as careful. It's not easy to keep a T-rex or a crocodile from hurting someone in such a small place."

Vixen looked around, realizing just how difficult it must've been. "Oh." That relieved her some as despite being obviously stronger and faster, she was the only one seriously hurt so far. Not that she was going to lose to some naked kid.

"Okay," Beast Boy said, seeing the last of the guards being dragged out through the doorway. "What's next? Don't suppose you'll let me take what I want and leave? The company will only lose a dozen pounds of titanium. I'll even send them a check for it."

"Not on your life," Vixen immediately replied, thinking of the power of a giant turtle. It would harden her against quills while the massive sea creature still had considerable strength. It just slowed her down a little. She launched herself at the boy, once again aiming a kick at his most vulnerable spot.

The shapeshifter blinked, almost taken by surprise by the attack. But the woman was slower than usual and he had time to react. He turned around and became an elephant to absorb the crippling blow on his flank. Unfortunately he turned just a little too far. "Not again," the beast bellowed in shock as it rampaged through the room. "Damn it."

Being tossed about with considerable violence it took Vixen a few seconds to realize what'd happened. She'd kicked an elephant in the behind, and her right leg was now rather deeply embedded in said behind. The woman cringed and grabbed hold of the creature's tail to pull herself away from the floor that was giving her concussion after concusion. The power of a turtle kept her skin intact, but it did little to keep her poor brain from bouncing around inside her skull. Then she grinned. _I bet that leg hurt going in,_ she thought, recalling the hundred or so porcupine quills stuck in it. The woman then moaned, realizing the action had also driven them deeper into her leg.

"Get out of me you pervert," the elephant bellowed, still racing around the room. "Damn it. Someone help. I'm being raped."

"Me the pervert?" Vixen yelled back in disbelief, getting motion sickness from swaying back and forth. "You're naked."

"You're the one with your leg up my butt," Beast Boy shrieked. "Rapist. I'm calling the police on you, you rapist."

"Damn it, stop," Vixen replied in a shriek of her own. "Stop so I can get out."

Moaning, Beat Boy came to a stop. Vixen slid from the massive beast's behind, sinking down on the floor to herself moan in agony. Then she threw up, still dizzy from the motion sickness.

"Since when does the Justice League accept rapists?" Beast Boy asked, back in his human form. "Oh man. That hurt."

"Since when do villains go about naked?" Vixen retorted, knowing her leg would now slow her down. The bouncing back and forth had damaged the knee and the tendons. And she would need to see a doctor about those concusions.

"Since it was the easiest way to get inside this place?" Beast Boy replied. "What's your excuse?"

"I have none," the woman admitted, wondering if she should call for backup. But she had no explanation for how she lost to a villain who went by the name of Naked Boy, and who belonged to a team called Idiot. She poked at her knee and flinched, noting that her less-than-easy-pickings foe looked ready to fight again. As usual he was waiting on her.

Beast Boy sat up with the pain easing. Like most metahumans he healed fast. A healing rate that seemed enhanced by his clones. _Guess they somehow add their vitality to mine,_ the boy silently mused. _Just like with the hummingbird boosting all our thought processes, having twenty-one of me boosts my healing rate. And despite the pain, it was only minor cuts I took. That and the anus is one of the fastest healing organs in the body._ He continued to sit and stare at the woman, trying not to ogle her.

"I'm stronger and faster," Vixen muttered. "So why am I losing?"

"Beats me," Beast Boy admitted.

"I wish," the woman replied.

"I blame Bruce for this." the shape shifter said, willing to pass time chatting.

"Huh?"

"If that printer of his worked faster, I would've been gone before you got here. Just how long does it take for a few simple items?"

"Yeah, let's blame him," Vixen agreed, finding she preferred villains who let her rest when she needed it. "Depends. Since it's printed it could take as much as an hour. Especially if the item is thick. The thicker it is the more layers it has to print."

"An hour? Oh man. For a mace?"

"An hour. But why make a mace from meta-materials? It'll be too light to be of much use."

"The person who'll be using it will be strong," Beast Boy replied.

Vixen pushed herself up and touched her necklace charm. She had a few tricks up her sleeve yet. There were things in the animal kingdom that were beyond powerful. She focused and with difficulty called on the power of a dragon.

Beast Boy blinked. "I do see two things you're doing wrong?" he said.

"Oh?" Vixen replied, thinking the boy was now playing for time.

"You attack first, allowing me to decide what to use to counterattack. You're left with that one form while I have millions to call on."

"I see," the woman said, agreeing. The boy's ability to defend while doing damage was what had her aching while he was relatively unhurt.

"And you tend to rely upon animals that you believe are more powerful due to their size or claws or fangs. Or, in the case of a dragon, fire." He continued to stare at the woman, seemingly unafraid.

Vixen frowned. It was true he'd successfully used a porcupine against both a gorilla and an elephant. But a dragon was something else entirely. "And what do you use against a dragon?" she asked, focusing on the power at her command. A wave of fire rushed across the room.

 _She won't kill,_ Beast Boy once again decided, watching as the wave of deep orange flame rushed down upon him. If it'd been dazzling white then he would've had a reason to fear. At least he would've if not for the fact he was a clone and would be reabsorbed anyway. With nothing to lose the shapeshifter became a cheetah that leapt towards the flame. Then he became an Archelon that massed over two tons. At fifty kilometers an hour he passed through the fire too fast for it to do more than singe his leathery skin, hurling towards the startled woman.

 _Frig,_ Vixen fumed as she leapt forward herself, preparing to dodge the massive turtle as best she could while wrecking havoc on its shell. The Achelon she knew had leathery skin for a shell that would be easy to slash. Even as her claws rended the shell the creature disappeared. The woman whirled around, not seeing the shapeshifter yet knowing he was around somewhere. When she didn't see him she gulped, feeling worried. At the speed he'd passed through the fire the flames wouldn't have hurt him. And she hadn't had long enough to seriously slash him. So far as she knew he was unharmed. Vixen turned around, sweating, wondering what did one use to defeat the power of a dragon? Idly she scratched at her hair. Then she scratched again.

He was a clone and could take risks the real Beast Boy couldn't. Having passed safely through the fire the shapeshifter became a flea that hid in the woman's hair. It was an insane risk, almost being the equivalent of suicide. A single scratch that hit the mark and he was bug splatter. And the body had defenses. Or, if the woman was to realize what was going on and walked into a moderately hot flame to cleanse her skin . . . . He had to admit the woman was insanely powerful and only being a clone created via the power of Billy Numerous allowed him to match her. But she thought big, never small . . . .

The shapeshifter became a Pseudomonas Proteus. Then he gave the deadly command - multiply.

Vixen scratched at her hair, drawing blood. Looking at her fingernails she realized something wasn't right. They were covered in blood, and she still needed to scratch. The woman went to work again, not realizing each tiny scratch she made in her own skin only made things worse. Her face turned red with blood that streamed down from her scalp, then she went to work directly on the face itself. "Oh Anansi," the woman moaned, rending her own flesh. Still not able to comprehend that the shapeshifter could become any animal, large or small, the woman still realized it was a disease that was eating at her. Focusing she called on the power of an electric eel and sent the current into her own flesh.

The shapeshifter cringed in pain when the current burned through his body, but as things went it was a minor nuisance. He, as the woman, was a metahuman and the bacterial infection he'd created possessed not only his high endurance but was boosted by the life force of twenty-clones. The infection was halted for a few seconds before it continued as brutally as before.

Vixen tore at her clothes, needing to scratch everywhere. Her breasts gained long, serious-looking cuts while deep lesions and pustulant sores formed over her whole body. The woman's skin filled with points of black as open comedones appeared by the hundreds, then the thousands. Soon, as the woman kept scratching, the black was covered with a vibrant red. Nude as the boy she'd mocked earlier, having scratched her clothes off, the moaning woman savagely bashed her head against the hard floor and screamed for it to stop. It did.

"Vixen," Batman cried, having heard the woman's screams. He'd sent her to check on the factory when his guards had gone silent after a yellow alert. He himself had just arrived to see . . . . The man looked at the woman and prepared to call the Justice League to beam them to the tower. He paused for a second to scratch at his eyes. Then he scratched again. The two Justice League agents he'd brought with him, Hawkgirl and the Flash, were also frantically scratching.

Hawkgirl fell easily to the disease while the Flash knew immediately something was wrong. Distracted by the itching that'd immediately attacked him upon entering the room he scratched. Then he scratched some more. Each time he scratched it put off the actions he knew he had to take. To call the tower for backup. To send his friends to the infirmary. Yet he scratched, unable to concentrate. His mind operated at blinding speed but, fast as they could move, he only had two arms, and each time he told one to scratch, he delayed the needed calls.

The shapeshifter frowned as best he could as a bacteria. The Flash would've easily defeated the disease if he'd been the first one infected, but by the time the man had arrived the room had been filled with the deadly disease. it was a question of speed who would win. And the Flash he knew was very fast.

The Flash, unable to stop scratching used his legs to turn around and around, causing the friction of the air to drive his skin temperature higher and higher. The bacteria, at home in hot environments, at first thrived. Then their rate of growth slowed. Thinking as fast as a hummingbird himself Beast Boy ordered the infection to stop in the Flash, for the bacteria to stay still. The Flash, no longer itching, stopped turning and started to call the tower. The itching returned, ripping into the man's flesh as ruthlessly as it had before, forcing him to once again turn at incredible speed to try to burn out the infection. As the temperature rose the itching stopped.

Beast Boy played the game, keeping the bacteria growing for the brief instance the Flash stopped spinning, then ordering the infection to cease its action as soon as the temperature built up. As expected he didn't get to repeat the trick too many times. The Flash began to spin and kept spinning, driving his temperature higher and higher. It soared into the hundred of degrees, turning the air around him red. The man knew it would burn off any skin infections, and he was right. But it was too late; the bacteria had already reached deep within his flesh and set up home. When he stopped, despite the blistering heat he'd created, the infection awoke and keep spreading. Driven to near insanity by the itching the man spun up once again. Eventually, being only human, he slowly sank to the floor, puking violently from motion sickness. Meanwhile the Pseudomonas Proteus continued its deadly work.

Vixen, barely conscious, watched as Hawkgirl dropped to the ground, then Batman. She'd hoped the Flash would prevail but soon as he crouched on the floor, violently throwing up the entire contents of his stomach, she knew it was over. The man fell unconscious.

"This is more of a hassle than I'd expected," the shapeshifter said, taking human form. Eyes wide, he slowly looked around, frowning, nearly in shock himself. "They're all okay he told the woman, cringing with distress at what he'd done to her body.

"You used a disease?" she accused, hissing the words. "Evil."

"I used my body," Beast Boy corrected her, still frowning.

The woman blinked. "Your body? You became the disease?" Briefly she closed her eyes, wondering what could ever hope to defeat someone who could pull such a trick. Idly staring at his dangling penis, she now understood what he meant by size not mattering. She'd upped her game by using the power of a dragon. He'd upped his by becoming a microscopic bacteria. The bacteria had won hands down.

"I was the infection," Beast Boy told the woman, reassuring her. "Once I changed form it disappeared completely. There's not a single Pseudomonas Proteus left in the room. At least none of my making." He knelt down and took a device from behind her ear. "No calling for help until I'm gone," he said, keeping hold of the device.

Vixen tried to move, then ceased the effort. Her whole body ached and her knee was ruined. She was down for the count.

"Don't charge me for indecent exposure and I won't charge you with rape," Beast Boy offered, feeling sorry for the woman he'd so badly . . . . He looked away, unable to face what he'd done.

"Deal," the woman replied, grinning a little.

There was a dinging sound, and a light on the far wall lit up.

"Seems the items you ordered are ready," Vixen told the boy. Then she frowned. "We will meet again. And I will win," she reassured him.

"I hope not," Beast Boy said, collecting the items. Then, to the woman's puzzlement he walked around the room before leaving.

Having retrieved his other nineteen clones Beast Boy left the control room at a desperate run, heading for the exit. Not pausing for second, knowing that at any moment someone could come soaring in, like Superman, and tear him to shreds for what he'd done, he sprinted as if his life depended on it. Which it probably did. Outside the factory he aimed for the transport truck which was only feet from the fence. There he pressed a button on the device he'd taken from Vixen and hurriedly spoke into it. "Vixen needs emergency assistance," he said and tossed the device with all the strength his enhanced body could muster. Then he was in the truck, urging his partners in crime to hit the gas.

 _ **A Talk Amongst Heroes**_

Raven tiredly rubbed her head as she looked around the table. Kid Flash and Bumblebee were sitting to her left. Across from her was a puzzled Robin who would smile at Cyborg, then stop as soon as she realized what she was doing. And to her right was Cyborg who looked more traumatized than he had upon discovering her, his younger sister, in the shower with his lover, Bumblebee. Her stomach twisted seeing that expression, causing her to worry about how he would react.

"Any comments?" Raven asked, having just informed the team about Robin being a woman.

"Can I kill her?" Kid Flash asked via sign language, still seething about Robin having slept with Jinx.

"No," the half-demon immediately replied.

"When do I get my penis back?" Robin asked.

Raven looked at the woman. "Given your obsession with Cy, are you sure you want it back?"

"Of course I do." The woman looked around and her eyes fell on Cyborg. "I think I do," she added, looking puzzled.

"Well that sucks because I don't have a clue how to get it back," Raven said, not sounding at all concerned.

"Trigon might hesitate to mate with a man," Bumblebee said soothingly. "We should focus on getting his little peepee back."

"It wasn't little," Robin retorted.

"Have you seen some of my vibrators?" the woman countered, smirking at the girl.

"I don't understand how she was changed into a woman in the first place," Raven explained. "Until I understand the process, I don't have a clue how to proceed."

"Obviously by Trigon's power," Cyborg said, sounding defeated. "Can't you sense it on him?"

"I can't," Raven admitted. "From what I can see he hasn't been touched by Trigon since we defeated him years ago." The woman shrugged. "I'm stumped as to what's going on."

Robin tilted her head, looking cute as she considered the situation. "Perhaps he hired the job out to someone else," she suggested.

Raven perked up, looking at the woman. "Someone like Jinx," the half-demon girl said, sounding excited to have a possible lead. "Maybe Trigon corrupted both Beast Boy and Jinx. Perhaps he then set Jinx on you to curse you." She nodded. "I do sense some of Jinx's magic on you," she added.

"But is there any of Trigon's power on those two?" Cyborg asked, looking worried.

"Not a single trace," Raven admitted, burying her head in her hands. "Not when we last fought anyway."

"We should look on the bright side," Bumblebee said, trying to cheer her lover up.

"Our leader is a boy-crazed girl," Raven muttered through her hands. "Two of our members have gone over to the dark side. We're nearly bankrupt from lawsuits over that mall incident. And there's a new prophecy about Trigon returning." She looked up. "There's a bright side?"

Bumblebee shrugged. "When you've hit the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up," she said, smiling brightly.

There was a beeping sound and a button on the table lit up.

"it's the Justice League," Robin said excitedly and pressed the button.

 _Crap,_ Raven muttered.

"Hello," the image of Batman said.

"What can we do for you?" Raven intoned.

"The League is short a few members," the Caped Crusader said, looking a bit unsteady on his feet. "We were wondering if you could fill in."

Robin went to reply, only to be gagged by a ball of dark magic.

"I wish," Raven replied. "But we're overextended ourselves at the moment."

"I see," Batman said, looking around. "Where's Beast Boy?" he asked.

"He's . . . around," Raven answered in a monotone. "Why?"

"The reason we're short is an incident at a factory owned by one Bruce Wayne," Batman answered with a hint of pain in his voice. "Watch," he ordered.

The Titans watched as a naked Beast Boy attacked and easily tore through twelve guards. Then they saw the fight with Vixen and the disease that ravaged her. Then they saw Batman, Hawkgirl and the Flash show up only to be ravaged by the disease as well.

Kid Flash was pale. "He can do that?" he asked, fingers trembling as he signed the question.

"Obviously," Raven muttered. She cringed at what she saw, yet the worry in the girl's heart eased a little. While the boy's power and ruthlessness shocked her, the fact he had taken such care not to kill relieved her. The half-demon girl smiled, realizing that Bumblebee was right. Bad as things were, there was a silver lining. Whatever was going on, Beast Boy and Jinx had not become monsters.

"Where's Robin?" Batman asked. "He should be here for this."

"Hi," Robin mumbled through the gag, giving a little wave.

"Hi," Batman said, suddenly standing up straight despite the pain it obviously cost him. "Are you new to the Titans? I'm sure I would've heard about such a cutie as yourself before now." He gave the girl a wide smile.

"I'm Robin," Robin said when the gag vanished.

Batman blinked. "Huh?" He turned to look at Raven.

"That's Robin," she assured the man, taking some enjoyment in his blank expression.

"But . . . ." He turned to look at Robin again.

"Hi," Robin cheerfully said with another little wave.

Batman turned back to Raven. "Explain?" he ordered.

"Trigon is about to try to escape his prison," the half-demon girl explained. "To do that he needed a Titan who's had sex with lots and lots of women. Robin fits that description perfectly. So, in order to mate with her, Trigon turned Robin into a girl." Raven shrugged. "At least that's what we think happened."

"I see. And Beast Boy and Jinx?"

Raven sighed. "We're not sure what's going on there. It might be linked to Trigon, but we're not sure." She took another deep breath. "I've been on the same team as Beast Boy for years. I'm an empath and I know him better than I know myself. I ask for a chance to determine what's happening before you put him on a list of villains and hunt him."

"I see." Batman was silent for a while, understanding the love the woman must have for her friend to beg like that. "Keep me informed," he finally said. "But if things get any worse I won't be able to do anything. As it is we're short four people. Even the Flash will take a full day to recover. The rest won't be assigned to any major missions for a week." At the curious expressions he explained. "While they might recover from their physical wounds faster, there is the stress continuous combat places on a person. Unless we can help it, we try not to push our people past their limit."

"I see," Raven said, giving the man an honest smile. "We appreciate and thank you for the help. We will also be sure to keep you updated."

Batman nodded and the image disappeared.

Raven turned to Cyborg. "Are you okay?" she asked.

The man nodded. "I have to be," he said. "I'll fall apart later."

Raven nodded at him, smiling. "We need you," she admitted. "We need to start acting, not reacting. Call Starfire and beg her to return. Tell her everything."

Cyborg nodded and stood to leave.

Raven turned to Kid Flash. "How are things at Titan's East?"

"Slow," the boy signed. "it's why I can afford to be here."

"Any members you can spare, send them over."

"I will." He rose to do as ordered.

Raven turned to Bumblebee. "You're in touch with just about every honorary Titan there is. Are any of them able to help?"

The woman nodded. "I can think of one," she replied.

Raven smiled at her lover. "Good. Call them in." She turned towards Robin. "You don't leave the tower," she ordered.

"I'm the leader," the woman protested.

Raven shrugged and wrapped the girl in massive tendrils of black magic. "Until you've regained some sense," she said, "think of it as a coup."


	8. Chapter 8

Note: _Quad tanker, really big truck for carrying liquids or gases that I would crash in less than two seconds. How the heck do people drive those things?_

 _ **The Awakening**_

Jinx opened eyes that were filled with terror. Hands trembling, the pink-haired girl pushed at the flimsy, sweat-soaked blanket that covered her.

 _Today is the day,_ the villainess thought, petrified with fear, filled with soul-destroying dread. _Today is the day the world ends, probably._ She looked around the office she'd claimed as her room. The couch did double duty as a bed, but now it was clammy and wet, having been soaked with the sweat of absolute terror, of vivid and dark nightmares. _Today we open the gate to Trigon,_ Jinx silently screamed, driven to hysteria by the thought. _What are we? Insane?_ Briefly she considered killing the boy who'd orchestrated it all, Beast Boy. Then she shook her head and pulled the blanket back over her head. _I agreed to it,_ she told herself, no longer understanding just why she'd accepted the bargain. Power wasn't worth the risk. Power wasn't worth ending the world.

The woman thrust the blanket back down, trying to understand the boy who had come up with the plan, wondering what drove him. _Was he insane? If so, then what am I for agreeing?_ She shivered, drawing the damp blanket close around her. The frightened girl looked around the room, needing the company of others, to not be alone in what were probably her last moments. Violently she threw the blanket aside and stood, deciding that she could at least find the answer to one of her many questions, the one that'd nagged at her for so long.

Beast Boy slept peacefully and awoke filled with anticipation. There were things no hero would ever consider. They lived lives bounded by self-imposed rules. That he understood. If there were no heroes then villains would tear the world apart. It would end, and he loved the world. He loved its people and he loved its creatures. Filled with death it was also filled with life. For one to exist you had to have the other. He accepted that. He had to. And he accepted that there was great risk in what they would do today, but saw also the potential for great reward. That was the way of life. It was also a risk no hero would take; it required a villain for that.

The boy briefly grinned, showing his fangs. One had to accept death, but that didn't mean one had to walk quietly into the night, that you didn't bare your teeth and howl in defiance when it came for you. That death would eventually win was inevitable - but you didn't have to make it easy.

Comfortable and warm, the shapeshifter peered through the darkness with his sensitive eyes, watching as a spider spun a web. It was beautiful. _Maybe I'll sleep in,_ the boy mused contentedly. _Or perhaps I can play one last prank._ Then the door, which he'd locked, opened.

Connie, once known as the Keeper of Knowledge by her people, opened her eyes to peer into the darkness. For a moment she considered rising from the blanket where she slept to open the bookstore. _To what purpose?_ she asked herself. _Surely I'm allowed one day's rest in all the years I've been here._ Her eyes swept over the store while she unconsciously twisted the Ring of Azar she wore on her left ring finger. Then she smiled. _it was fun, not work. Few were the customers, but many were the books._ She licked her lips, almost drooling as she recalled long peaceful days of reading, only rarely interrupted by annoying humans. _And, just as important, there'd been plenty to eat_. Frowning, the woman rose from her blanket, fangs now bared with the need to sate her hunger.

Resisting the urge to hunt, to feast, the dark-haired girl folded up the blanket she'd slept on and carefully placed it on a shelf. Still controlling the hunger that demanded warm, bloody flesh, Connie moved around the store, making sure it was secure. It was her territory, a territory her instincts demanded she protect. Finding all was well, she finally turned and headed to the checkout counter where she sat. With pale nimble fingers, she unlocked a cabinet and took out a black plastic bag. For a few seconds the girl wondered if she should warm it, to make it taste more natural. Licking her lips, drooling, the hunger took her and she shredded the bag to get at the flesh inside.

 _Good,_ she sighed with her strong teeth ripping apart the cold but insanely delicious flesh. Briefly the girl looked at the pale chunk of meat, frowning a little. From the painted fingernails and the lack of muscle tone she guessed the bloody arm came from a girl, probably no more than twenty years of age. With her pointed teeth she tore a strip of skin free and slurped it down, reveling in the taste of the high-calorie treat. Then she tore the painted fingernail from one of the fingers before she bit the digit off, smiling as she crunched it, turning fragile bones to powder with her powerful jaws.

Half-an-hour later, done with her grisly meal, the girl walked over to the bathroom and flushed the fingernails, all painted a nice pink, down the toilet. As far as she was concerned, it was bad enough eating the chemicals people put in their bodies, let alone the ones they used on their fingernails. As the nails swirling around and disappeared from view, Connie frowned, considering the possibility that it might have been her last meal, that before night's end Trigon might rule the world. With a shrug she turned away to brush her teeth.

The morning necessities taken care of the girl then flicked on a light that still left the store pitch black and sat at the counter where she took the time to floss before picking up a book _. Life was good_ , she thought with a smile. _Come what may, I had fun. How many of my people could say that?  
_

Silent and still, Trigon stood in his domain, pondering the foolishness of mortals who understood not the nature of eternity. For a few trifling trinkets they bargained away their lives, and in the end he stood over them all, triumphant as any immortal must be over mere insects. So, one world would be reborn and one would die. To the insects this was fair, this was balance. Yet he who could see into perpetuity saw the truth. In the end both worlds died. For freedom he would give the insects their trinkets, watch them cherish those insignificant things, then he would take it all away and rejoice in their suffering.

The demon let his gaze roam over the red, molten rock of his domain. When first he'd been placed here, trapped by those he should've had absolute power over, the rock had been red, but certainly not molten. Instead, in the years that he'd been here the power from his body had soaked into the very fabric of this dimension, creating heat and radiation. Nothing but a demon or god could survive here for long. Even those wouldn't want to. And soon he wouldn't have to. The deal had been made and the pawns set into motion.

Bored with the waiting, Trigon looked down at the rock that ran like water and raised his right hand. From the heat there rose the shape of heads, then necks and torsos. Eventually thirteen cursed people stood before him. Trigon smiled and listened to their screams as the heat melted their flesh. Though few of the insects knew it, even he found delight in creation, in making life. It was a wondrous thing, so long as those creations knew only unceasing suffering. The massive being tilted his head, licking his lips as the thirteen sobbed, cringing away from the heat, never finding refuge. Then he smiled, knowing what delicious treat would come next, the betrayal. Those thirteen, though their flesh melted, would not die from the mere heat. No, they would live forever - if not for one thing. The incarnation of evil watched as to escape the relentless torment of this domain one damned creature turned on another and threw it down so he could stand on its corpse, to try to climb above the heat. Then that one was thrown down, creating an even higher pile of bodies in a futile hope of rising above the pain, the eternal suffering. Soon there was only a single creature left. Moaning in hellish torment from both its wounds and the heat, it lay atop the corpses of its fellows. Then it died.

In this domain he'd created whole civilizations and watched them at play, offering them some minor recluse from the torment if only they did unspeakable deeds.

Raven awoke screaming, thrashing against the strong arms that held her.

"Honey?" Bumblebee sobbed in fear. "What's wrong?"

Raven froze, listening to the voice that pleaded and begged, asking her what was wrong and beseeching her to please be okay. "Bee?" she whispered, throat in agony from her outburst. Opening her weary violet eyes the girl saw the concerned expression of her lover, the woman she'd decided to spend the rest of her life with. Splattered on that face were hints of blood which, puzzled, she touched with a finger. "Bee?" she said again.

"Raven," Bumblebee said, relieved. The dark-skinned woman lowered her head onto the breast of the half-demon girl and sobbed.

"Sorry. I was having a bad dream," Raven said, gently stroking Bee's dark and ever so soft hair. "Sorry." She closed her eyes, holding the woman tight. "Do you know what day is coming soon?" she asked.

Bumblebee thought for several seconds and shook her head.

Raven gave a small laugh. "Some times you're as bad as a guy," she said, only half joking.

"Hey," Bumblebee said, voice still scared. "I can't know what you don't tell me? And you were screaming so hard you were spraying blood." Her arms tighten around her soulmate.

"Tomorrow I'll be twenty," Raven whispered, throat in agony. "One more year and I'll be able to drink." She froze, pondering that. "Does anyone really obey that law?" she asked.

"No one that I know of," Bee answered. "I started when I was sixteen, so did Kid Flash, but I don't recommend that. I think that's why he ended up like he did."

"With the tongue of a sex robot stuck down his throat?" Raven wondered.

Bumblebee gave a small fake laugh. "That too," she said. "Maybe if he had a few more brain cells he wouldn't be wandering around dragging that IV."

"The misadventures of youth," Raven said, still stroking the woman's hair, comforting her. "Trigon will come for Robin today," she said.

"You sure?" Bumblebee raised her head to look down at the girl?

"I am." Raven sat up and smiled. "My birthdays are usually pretty hectic," she explained. "This one will be too. I saw it in a dream, a nightmare. Team Idiot is coming." She paused. "And a demon from Trigon's hell."

 _ **More Valuable than Gold**_

Beast Boy studied the pink-haired girl, gulping nervously. It was the day the world was going to end and he, Beast Boy, was no longer a virgin. Still, he wasn't sure how to react. While he knew the morning's incident was nothing more than a one night stand to the girl, he was finding it hard to go about things as normal. Always he kept looking at the woman, wondering and thinking, recalling. Blushing, he looked away.

 _Work and play don't mix,_ Jinx noted, fully aware of the boy's stare and confusion. But she'd answered the question of what the boy's penis looked like fully erect. Bigger than Kid Flash's, but smaller than the man she'd met at the bar. On the other hand, the boy who claimed to have been a virgin had more skill than anyone could have expected and the pleasant glow of sex still infused her, helping banish the nightmares. If was as if he had an innate knowledge of how a woman's body worked, and he'd put that knowledge to good use. But how it would interfere with team dynamics worried her. This was the one day they couldn't afford to mess up.

'It's a major industry for the city," Beast Boy said, focusing his thoughts on the job at hand. "Not a big profit, but they don't run it as such. If they even come close to breaking even they consider it a good year."

Jinx nodded, eyes on the bank just a hundred feet up the road. But this bank held something that had far more value than gold. Despite this, security was weak, almost nonexistent. Sure there were thousands of security cameras and a network of computers and people monitoring the place, but in terms of actual people there were just a dozen or so guards. It would be a cakewalk, or so she desperately hoped. If things went wrong they were severely screwed, and not in a good way. Not in the delicious and ever so fun way she had been that morning. For that, assuming the world didn't end, she might even go back for seconds.

Jinx glanced over at the boy. "Bad as it might be to drop this right now, it's still an option."

Beast Boy shook his head and smiled at the woman. "Come on. If this works you'll be a legend."

"If it fails we're risking something way worse than death. Trigon can make us immortal. Imagine that, an eternity spent in whatever hell that guy can dream up."

Beast Boy nodded, thinking. "Take out the Titan's first," he asked, "or attack the bank?"

"The bank," Jinx answered with all the confident a good leader could when things were crazy. "You're right in that they won't risk leaving the tower today. They'll keep their forces concentrated around Robin. If we take him, then they won't be tied down there, meaning they could show up here."

The shapeshifter nodded. "You know, this all started out as a joke to prank Robin, then I got to talking with the girl at the bookstore. That's where it all took off."

"No," Jinx corrected the boy. "Here's where it all takes off."

Billy Numerous walked up to the transport truck they were in and opened the door. "I can take two loads,' he said, eyes beaming at the chance to drive one of the largest trucks in the world. "And I got guys for ten more." He shook his head and grinned. "Cost us a million dollar deposit for the trucks and wages. I charged the rest to the Titans. They still haven't canceled your Titan credit card."

"You'll drive one truck," Jinx countered, glaring at the man. "One and one only."

"But . . . ." Billy glared, ready to fight to the death.

"One," Jinx said, eyes boring into those of her partner and underling, forcing him to look aside. "If you have ten drivers then that means we can handle ten loads with one driver in spare if something goes wrong." She shook her head. "Imagine what would happen if you were to get too far from a clone? They get absorbed if more than a few hundred feet away. It would be a disaster that could kill thousands. And it would mess up the entire job." She gave the man a sympathetic smile. "Is it worth the risk?"

Billy shook his own head. "No," he admitted, looking downcast. "I've done enough driving to know things can go wrong. A blowout and it's game over. The truck would crash."

Jinx nodded. "Are the men ready?"

"They are," Billy replied. "Aside from being confused, that is. And I did check all of their driving records. Not even a ticket amongst them."

"Good. Let's go." Jinx turned the key and the engine roared to life.

Speed was of the essence. They had not only to get the job done before any of the Titans showed up, assuming they did. But also before the police or any of the media did. There could be no mistakes. And there could be no holding back. Beast Boy hopped into the mouth of a Billy clone as a tapeworm and soon there were in excess of two hundred of the Billy clones and the Beast Boy clones. The four-hundred man army moved out.

The bank had twenty guards that went down without a single incident of note. The shapeshifter army, linked by a hive mind, moved undetected through the building setting up position. Then, as one, they moved, attacking all guards simultaneously. One second they were alert, the next all twenty were sound asleep, having been hit from behind by a gorilla. Next were the workers. There were many more of those, in excess of a hundred, but the army swarmed through the building, moving as hummingbirds, attacking from behind as gorillas. Less than twenty seconds after the guards dropped the building was declared clear and Billy Numerous entered in force.

To keep callers from getting suspicious Jinx made her way around the bank, hitting every power and telephone line she could see. Sparked flew and the building was easily cut off from the rest of world. Job done, the woman hurried back to the headquarters, the transport truck they were using. There she organized the armada of quad trucks required for the job. With the bank necessarily situated in an area that saw high traffic, it was easy to have the massive tanker trucks line up with two abreast. On their sides were dire warnings of radiation, ensuring the doom of any area where one met with an accident or deliberate obstruction.

"Done," the girl told the single Billy Numerous and Beast Boy who sat in the truck with her.

"I'm sure the cameras went down before I had to swarm to handle the workers," Beast Boy said.

"Good." Even if necessary, the girl didn't want everyone to know how many people were in her army.

It was pure luck that the largest bank of its sort was in Jump City. Equipped to distribute the precious resource around the world, needing to be absolutely sure of quality least it cause a worldwide disaster that could easily kill hundreds of thousands, the material was meticulously scanned by more than two-hundred scanners and stored in tamper-proof, vacuum-sealed, twenty-liter containers. The powerful clones easily took the containers two at a time, marched to the waiting trucks, and tore them open to pour the rich material into one of the tanker trucks. As each was filled the trucks moved out, opening up a space for the one behind it.

"Incredible," Jinx said, awed by the unity of her army, by the speed and efficiency at which they worked. "A week ago I would've said this was impossible."

Each quad tanker could carry a hundred-and-fifty-thousand liters and there were ten of them. In a little under an hour, Team Idiot pulled out with one-and-a-half million liters of the precious and vital loot they'd come for. There had been no sign of the police or the Titans, nor the media. A complete success.

In less than an hour they arrived at the deserted park where Connie, the bookstore girl, was busy carving intricated symbols into solid rock with little more than her fingernails.

 _ **Reunion**_

Raven didn't bother walking over to the attractive red-haired alien. Instead, too impatient, she teleported. "Starfire," she said, holding the woman in a grip that made even the super-strong woman flinch.

"Raven." Starfire returned the hug with interest. For a whole minute the half-demon girl was held, face pale, legs kicking, a full foot off the ground. "How have you been?" Starfire asked, putting her friend down.

"Good," Raven managed to gasp, smiling happily. "A few ups and downs, but things are working themselves out. At least they were until now. You?"

"I have drowned my rage in a ritual I have dubbed _'the drinking of the mustard_ ,'" the woman replied, smiling back. "I have known for years it wasn't to be. That I should have ended it and sought true love."

Raven nodded. "Thank you for coming. I appreciate it."

"Tamereans always repay their debts. But even so, I would have come." The woman pulled Raven in for another hug. "We must save Beast Boy and prevent Trigon from harming you." She shrugged. "Though if it helps, I am willing to be the one to feed Robin to the beast."

Raven smirked, her fear vanishing with the knowledge that the bonds between her and her family still endured. "Did Cyborg tell you what happened to Robin?" she asked. "About his little gender bender incident?"

Starfire looked confused. "Gender bender? I have never heard this earth term before."

Raven pointed across the room and Starfire turned to see another girl staring at her.

"Hello, Starfire," Robin said. "It good to see you're okay."

Starfire stared. "Who are you?" she asked, baffled. "Are you one of Robin's fiances?"

"That is Robin," Raven explained, smirking. "While he won't be cheating on any more women, you'd still best be careful. She's man crazy and will steal any guys you get."

Starfire stared. Then she picked Robin up by the hair and examined her closely, easily twisting and pulling the girl around as she wanted. Finally, holding the woman up by a single leg, she tossed her ex-boyfriend over her shoulder to fly twenty-feet across the room to slam into a wall. "Interesting," she said. "So if we kill her Trigon can't get free?"

"Let's not go down that route," Raven suggested, watching as a rather battered Robin picked herself up.

A seedy-looking guy with slicked-back hair, dressed in a black-and-blue unitard, approached Starfire with a welcoming smile, package in his hands. "It's good to see you again, Starfire," Aqualad said, holding out the package. "Here's a gift to celebrate your return."

"A gift?" Starfire's eyes lit up, literally. With a smile of gratitude she took the box from the handsome man and tore into it.

"It's hard to decide what to get for a woman who has a whole planet at her command," Aqualad said, looking shy. "Beast Boy suggested it when we last talked."

"Mmmm." Starfire twisted the lid off a bottle and poke a finger in. "Mmmmm." She sucked the mustard off her finger, creating a stir in the room. The men to hide unwanted erections. The women in anger. "It's mustard but I don't recognize the brand," Starfire said, replacing the lid. She returned the jar to the box which boasted sixteen bottles in all.

"T-that one was Monkey Roasted Light Beer Mustard," Aqualad said, studdering a little. "I asked and was guaranteed no actual monkeys were used. Since you like mustard Beast Bo . . . err, I thought you might want to try some of the more exotic brands."

"It is delicious," Starfire said, beaming happily back at the boy. "A most wonderful gift."

"When did you last talk to Beast Boy?" Raven inquired. "He didn't prank you and get his mind twisted in a knot as a result?"

"It was just after . . . ." Aqualad let his eyes slide over towards Starfire. "He was most helpful, I think."

"Ah." Raven sighed, hopes dashed that the Beast Boy and Aqualad might've fought. That Beast Boy's behavior might be explained by a justified reaction on Aqualad's part.

"Welcome back, Princess Starfire," Speedy said, bowing to the orange-skinned woman. He took her hand and kissed it.

A boy with yellow and red skin approached the group. "Welcome back, Starfire," Hot Spot said, smiling brightly. "How's Silkie doing?"

"Silkie is good," Starfire replied, beaming at the boy who'd remember her pet. "He does get into trouble a lot, but everyone at the palace loves him. He's so adorable that my cook mistook him for a Trug-Hak and tried to cook him."

Raven hid her smirk. knowing that with Robin out of the way Starfire would have all the male attention she could handle. Across the room she saw Argent was pouting a little, envy in her eyes. Raven looked towards Robin, expecting to see the girl lusting after one of the new guys. Instead, to her shock, she saw the girl was covertly eyeing Cyborg with a worried expression.

Robin turned and jumped up on a table. "Okay people," she said, confident voice carrying over the quiet chatter. "First I would like to thank you all for coming here. We need you. I need you." She glanced around the room, meeting everyone's eyes. "We can guess that Trigon will attack within thirty-six hours. We need to be ready."

"I'm the leader this time around," Raven said, wrapping the girl in dark energy.

Robin met the woman's stare, not backing down. "Let's have a little competition," she casually suggested. "It'll decide who's best to lead."

"You'll take orders if you lose?" Raven asked. "If so, what's the competition?"

"I will," Robin assured the half-demon girl. "It's this. We each state what our first command would be and the crowd chooses. I'll even let you go first."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Okay. My first command would be for you to get into the vault that was built for me last time Trigon attacked."

"Mine would be to tell people to be in top shape and act like their lives depend on it," Robin said. "While Beast Boy's like a brother to me, we tend to underestimate him since his powers aren't the best suited for being a hero who tries not to hurt anyone." Her eyes met those of Raven. "I would mention how just a short while ago he defeated the combined might of Vixen, Hawkgirl, Batman, and the Flash. And suggest we use masks to filter out any attempt he might have to do the same with us. It's not as good as a full suit of bio-hazard gear, but it's the best we can do."

Raven frowned, cringing as little as she considered the answer. By a single vote the crowd came down on Robin's side. Raven had reluctantly cast that deciding vote.

Robin again glanced confidently around the room. "With our numbers we're sure of victory, but a day ago I'm would've been just as sure that Beast Boy couldn't take down any of those four. We have to take into consideration that Beast Boy has shown skills he's never had before - such as the ability to use the form of diseases and the power to become at least sixteen animals at the same time. For all we know we might go down without a fight due to a bad case of the stomach flu, or we might have to fight sixteen Beast Boys."

Raven nodded, recalling the fight with Grodd and the sixteen cheetahs. Giving the Titans the full picture was best to cut down on over-confidence.

"I will enter the vault," Robin said. "That will leave the nine of you to fight. I suggest a mask and then stay together as one group. Cyborg will stay alert and give warning when Beast Boy enters the building.

"Actually," Cyborg said. "He's here."

Robin raced for the vault and pulled it shut while the team grabbed masks.

"Hey Starfire," a familiar voice said, sounding happy. "Good to see you're back. We really missed you. I'll wait until you put that box away. Wouldn't want that mustard to go to waste."

"Beast Boy?" Starfire replied. "Why are you doing this?"

"All part of the plan," the boy replied. "I'm sure you'll be told about it."

 _Plan?_ Raven wondered, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. Her empathy said he was in the room, but it was like there were a lot of him in lots of different places. The girl frowned.

"And if things go wrong I guess I better wish you a happy birthday now. Happy Birthday, Raven."

"Thanks," the girl replied, still searching.

 _ **Defeat of Team Idiot and Aqualad's Noble Sacrifice**_

"Do you think you can beat all of us?" Aqualad asked, trying to figure out where his foe was. His telepathy said the room, but the signal was strange and distorted.

"Yes," came the confident reply. "It's not like I'm alone. Billy and Jinx are here as well. "

The door to the room burst open and Billy walked in followed by Jinx.

"I like your hair," Jinx said, pausing for a second to glance at Starfire. "I bet it drives the guys wild. It's good that you're back. I missed you as well."

"Thanks," Starfire said, smiling as she touched her red locks.

"Anyway, sorry, but enough chatting. Attack." The voice of Jinx rang clear and strong.

Cyborg rushed at Billy, hoping to take him down before he spawned clones. He was too late and his punch rang with the sound of metal on metal. "Huh?" he stared at the villain.

"I got an upgrade," Billy told the man. "Body armor thanks to Beast Boy." He struck back, sending the Cybernetic teen flying.

Beast Boy, one of him, became a bird that, unseen, pecked at the IV Kid Flash was still dragging around. The shapeshifter shook his head, wondering how long it would be before the boy got free of that tongue. Then he disappeared from view.

Speedy shot an arrow at the Billy clones, creating a sticky substance that held three of them to the floor. For a short while the doorway was blocked, slowing down the approaching army. He went under when a gorilla appeared behind him and slugged him just as he was focused on shooting a second arrow. The gorilla then disappeared as green and orange and crimson energy bolts ripped through where he'd been.

Cyborg rubbed his chin, noting that Billy also wore a gauntlet on his right fist. One made of titanium. _Oh man,_ he groaned. _This is going to hurt._ Standing, he rushed back into the fray.

Argent took up residence in a corner and went to work with bolts of energy. She'd downed eight of the Billy clone when the green fist of a gorilla swung at her. She casually blocked it with an energy barrier and struck back. Moving with unnatural speed, mind humming with the vigor of a humming bird, the gorilla dodged the counter attack and vanished from view.

 _By Azarath, he's fast,_ Raven silently cursed. _Why is he so much faster?_

"Where the heck are you?" Bumblebee demanded, moving in an exotic dance around the room, randomly swinging with her stingers. It was the girl's hope the boy was merely invisible.

"Here," Beast Boy replied, appearing as a porcupine just below her foot. He then disappeared.

"Ah, damn it," Bumblebee cursed savagely, recalling how Vixen had been similarly treated. A Titan, knowing they had to win this fight, the woman merely swore again as she put her right foot down and used it, driving the quills entirely through the foot. While she was distracted, brief as it was, a green fist hit her from behind and she went down.

Hot Stuff was standing in the center of a fire, unsure of how to attack. The shapeshifter was rapidly appearing and disappearing while close to his allies, rendering him impotent. Frowning, he burned two Billy clones.

To ensure she wasn't taken by surprise again, Argent had created a barrier that went from floor to ceiling. She had two fists embedded in the shield and was frenetically tearing through the Billy clones with bright-crimson bolts of energy.

Several of the Beast Boy clones frowned. With Jinx wanting to keep the Titans's confused as to his true power, he'd been ordered to use as few clones as possible. But with the way Argent was ripping through Billy . . . .

Raven sent her soul energy at Jinx, frowning as she did so. Here she couldn't fly and there were more than enough objects around for the pink-haired sorceress to curse. It wasn't a good place to fight. The frown deepened as her foe dodged between two Billy Clones, then catapulted over them to cast four hexes in as little time as it took to blink. Above Raven a solid, two-hundred-pound block of concrete shattered, raining debris down on her. To her side another did the same with the debris shooting from the wall at high speed. A third, below her this time, did the same. Assaulted on three sides, stumbling as her foot fell into the hole, the half-demon reflectively created a sphere of dark energy.

The shapeshifter grinned. Jinx had deliberately cast one of the hexes towards the wall beside Argent, breaking a tiny section of it, leaving a hole he could enter. Hurrying, crossing the room as a super-powered shrew he reached the wall and jumped as a flea. Inside the small space between wall and barrier, unable to become a gorilla, he once again used the form of a porcupine, jumping up to ensure he got as many quills into the girl as possible. The battle came to a halt.

Hot Spot stared, swallowing. "Holy fuck," was all he said.

"Beast Boy," Raven said, uttering the words disbelievingly. Her face was white and she clenched her legs together.

"Be nice if I could do that to Gordanians," Starfire said. But she too was a few shades too pale.

Aqualad was on his knees, overwhelmed with the mental impact of Argent's silent scream.

"How about we just surrender?" Kid Flash asked, dead serious.

"I'm glad I'm titanium," Cyborg gulped. "Oh man. That has to hurt."

Jinx froze for a few seconds. "A little overboard, Beast Boy," she said, white as a ghost. She too clenched her legs together.

Argent felt the pain, knew the shapeshifter had reached her somehow, yet for a few seconds the goth girl only stood still. Then she looked down and went white. Then she fainted.

"Sorry," Beast Boy said, also in shock. He'd been inside the barrier with the girl and had wanted to distract her enough to ensure she didn't take down any more Billy clones. He'd used the form of an African Crested Porcupine which, at over three feet and sixty pounds, was massively bigger than his usual choice. And he'd jumped, but inside the barrier there hadn't been many places for him to go . . . . He'd jumped, being between the girl's feet, directly up into her crotch, burying his nose deep into her . . . . The boy gulped. He'd left a trail of a thousand quills up her legs, and had buried at least several hundred of them more than eight inches into the poor girl's pubes. Given how far in his nose had gone, there were probably dozens of quills actually inside her vagina. All barbed and all that would hurt like Hades when pulled out.

"Sorry," the boy said again. "If she wants, she can have all my tofu from the fridge."

"That went bad ages ago," Cyborg whispered.

"Oh."

Jinx shook her head. "Okay people, we are villains after all. But be more careful from now on." She raised her hands and sent four hexes at Kid Flash. With his IV empty the boy failed to evade and dropped like a stone to the floor. "Trust me," Jinx said. "Better hexes than quills from Quill Man."

"Hey," Beast Boy shouted gleefully. "Finally a name that uses man."

"I'm sure she meant boy," Raven said, once again focusing on battle. Embedded in a dark shield, she sent her power roaring out in a massive wave at Jinx. She was sure of victory when a giant crocodile appeared and violently thrashed its tail against her magic. Immediately the woman tried to collapse her magic around the creature, to pin it. It disappeared even as another appeared several feet closer, also lashing with its tail. Her bubble of dark energy collapsed, and she sank to the ground, taken out by the psychic backlash and the four concrete blocks Jinx cursed around her. _Those two work pretty well together,_ was the half-demon's final thought before darkness took her.

 _Hot,_ Beast Boy mentally hissed, having taken massive burns on two of his clones.

"Raven," Cyborg called out.

"She's alive and okay," Aqualad assured the man. "Just unconscious." The boy focused and the floor, to the annoyance of Hot Spot, was covered in an inch of water. Confusion reigned in the eyes of Aqualad as he gazed into the chaos. His telepathy said Beast Boy was all around them, walls, floor, and ceiling. But he couldn't pin anything down. The aquamancer shook his head and focused solely on the water, trying to sense unseen movement in it. Other than the hiss of water meeting Hot Spot's fire there was nothing. At least nothing that created enough of a disturbance for him to track. The frustrated boy raised his left hand and the water gathered around him, creating a swirling shield that blocked several attacks from Jinx.

It was a rather battered Cyborg that rose from the damp floor to face the Billy army for perhaps the tenth time. Without Argent to cut them down the clones were swarming, now entering the room in force. Hot Spot and Starfire were still attacking them, but there appeared to be hundreds of the strong, determined villain. And with a partial suit of body armor the grinning man was now decidedly tougher to handle. Raising his sonic cannon, the cybernetic Titan let loose.

Starfire, unable to see Beast Boy, had focused on sending volleys of star bolts at the Billy clones. Three of them charged her, carrying her to the ground. The clone directly above her smiled.

"Hi cutie," the friendly clone said, smiling. "I hear you're single."

The red-headed alien pumped her super-powerful knee into the man's groin, sending him flying across the room to hit head first into the concrete wall. The clone vanished.

"Sorry," the girl said as her hands grabbed the skulls of the other two clones. "I prefer my men to have a little more substance." Skull met skull, and the clones cease to be. _He seemed nice, though,_ the orange-skinned girl thought, standing up. More star bolts erupted from her hands.

Hot Spot, resembling a living flame, relentlessly blasted bolts of orange fire into the swarming mass of jolly Billy clones. Unsure of what exactly the clones were, and what the flames would do to the man, the cautious boy kept the power of his attacks at less than full power. Also, as the fight progressed, he was finding he had to work hard at not going NOVA and harming everyone. Frowning, knowing he wasn't clearing the battlefield of villains as fast as he might've, Hot Spot tried to up the rate at which the flames flew from his fingertips. He did take some relief in knowing a porcupine wasn't likely to attack something made of fire.

On the ceiling, Beast Boy became a pigeon that pooped. Soon the room was filled with smell of burning feces while Hot Spot, unaffected by the attack that was meant to blind him, tossed a blast of fire upward.

As a humming bird the Beast Boy clone avoided the fire and the star bolts that followed it. Moving fast, the shapeshifter hid behind Starfire, using her as a shield against Hot Spot. When the woman twisted to follow him, he flew between her legs, casually noting the eye-blinding bright red of her panties. _Robin's a bird brain_ , the bird thought just before it hurled itself at Hot Spot, becoming a two-ton turtle just before impact. What would've been a lethal blow to a normal man merely dazed Hot Spot. Unfortunately for the boy, it was enough time for Jinx to rain a series of hexes on the stone walls and ceiling around him; he collapsed to the floor, unconscious with his flames fading. A few more well-placed hexes ensured he would remain that way.

The turtle, also briefly dazed from the impact as well as the high-velocity debris Jinx's hexes had caused, was slow to flee. A series of star bolts stuck its shell, almost rendering it unconscious. Then a shell of water engulfed it.

"Got you," Aqualad said triumphantly.

Aqualad, a skilled and powerful aquamancer, studied the ball of water, frowning when the shapeshifter vanished. Though he could sense something still inside the trap, and was sure the boy was now safely contained, he could also sense dozens of somethings that felt like the shapeshifter all around him. "You're stuck in there," the boy stated, forcing confidence into the words while he manipulated the flow of water to do just that. "You can't get out so no use hiding."

Starfire, distracted for the brief second her attention was focused solely on Beast Boy, was tackled by two clones that she failed to immediately shake off. Two hexes hit her square in the back, causing the rattled girl to drop to her knees. Shaking her head, coming to her senses, she immediately threw the two against a wall, though not before one said, "call me," and shoved a slip of paper down her blouse.

Jinx focused all her attention on the orange-skinned woman, depending on Billy to shield her. Having recovered her strength in the time it took the woman to shake off the two clones she cast a double burst of hexes, causing her foe to drop back to the floor. Rushing, forcing her power to work overtime, she shattered more than a dozen concrete blocks around Starfire in a single instance. Then she fired her power in a continuous stream of pink magic directly at the still conscious and struggling woman. It took several seconds, but in the end Starfire stopped moving. _"Holy crap,"_ Jinx though, dropping to her own knees, exhausted from the effort. " _She can really take it."_

Cyborg, seeing the attack on Starfire had tried to rush Jinx, only to be blocked by five of the few remaining Billy clones. They overwhelmed him, sending him crashing to the floor. Surrounded and overpowered, the cybernetic man slipped into unconsciousness.

Aqualad, also seeing the orange-skinned beauty go down had sent a wave of water at the sorceress. To his bewilderment and horror, the sphere of water he maintained was suddenly filled with a mass of flesh that sought to destroy the trap. The pressure on the startled boy's mind was immense and he instinctively tried to maintain the trap until dark realization struck him. If the trap held, Beast Boy would be crushed. Then, just as he was about to drop the spherical barrier, it burst, dropping a badly managed Beast Boy to the floor in the shape of a great Blue Whale that filled the room. Then the whale disappeared.

Jinx struggled back to her feet and faced the aquamancer, gratefully noting that he was the last enemy left standing. Her hexes disappeared against a shield of water. The girl frowned and took a step back. Hexes against water was usually a losing proposition. At least when the water was commanded by a skilled water-magic user.

Billy sent a dozen clones against the aquamancer only to get swept back. Fortunately, while it protected the Titan, it also left all the Billy clones unharmed.

Aqualad, frantic with worry over Beast Boy, placed his back against the vault door that protected Robin and summoned the most powerful shield of water he could. It would stop the girl's hexes while there weren't enough of the Billy clones to seriously challenge him. Briefly, he scanned the room, hoping he hadn't killed the shape shifter.

"He's okay," Jinx said, weaving on her feet, drained from the massive abuse of her magic.

"I'm sure he was badly hurt. He crushed his own flesh to escape that trap." Aqualad said, praying the girl would listen to reason. "We got to find him. Help him." Then, to his disbelief, an unharmed and totally naked Beast Boy appeared just feet in front of him.

"Hi Aquaman," he said, willing to call his foe by a decent name that didn't include lad, or Azarath forbid, boy. "How the gift go? She seemed happy with it, but I'm not telepathic, so . . . ." He shrugged., smiling.

Aqualad blinked. "Okay, I think. I didn't probe her."

The shapeshifter nodded. "That's noble of you," he admitted. "To be honest, if I had that sort of power I would probably abuse the heck out of it."

"Are you okay?" The aquamancer once again looked the naked boy over for wounds, and once again failed to find any.

"Been better."

"How bad?" Jinx wondered.

"Over half," the boy replied with a grim grin.

Jinx blinked, frowning. The attack had had two prongs, two attackers. Beast Boy had come in with over three-dozen clones. One was to attack while the others hid to take his place when the attacking clone fell. She was the other attacker who was to take down enemies with her hexes while Billy shielded her. It'd worked, yet they'd never expected Beast Boy to lose half his clones. The power he had was borrowed and the psychic shock must be taking a horrible toll on the poor boy.

"Being small is dangerous," Beast Boy explained. "A misdirected star bolt or wisp of fire and it's game over."

"Oh." The girl continued to frown. "Can you make it?"

Beast Boy nodded and, all business, turned back to Aqualad. "Only two to go. Him and Robin. I'll be fine." He glanced at the fallen Titans." Better drug them now and tow them outside. Getting through that shield is going to take a bit of effort."

"Drug?" Aqualad said, demanding an answer. "They're your friends. How can you drug them?"

"For their safety," Jinx answered for the shapeshifter. "It's just a sedative to keep them out of the way for a while." Kneeling the woman began to carefully administer the potent drug to each of the slumbering Titans, being sure to take into account their body mass and the effect their powers might have on the drug. "Done," she said less than three minutes later.

Panicked, Aqualad tried to consider his options and found them lacking. Watching he saw the woman finish injecting his friends with Triton knew what, and then drag them outside. He remained where he was, keeping the barrier to the vault in place.

"Now let's get serious," the naked shapeshifter said. Becoming a thirty-foot crocodile, he thrashed his massive tail against Aqualad's barrier of water. After twenty strikes that left his tail aching and bleeding, he stopped. "Not getting through that way."

Jinx nodded. The barrier might be merely water, but it was a three-foot depth of magic water. Idly she hexed several of the concrete blocks around the shield, but the water absorbed and slowed any debris that might've hit the aquamancer. At the end the surface was unblemished. Directly against the shield itself the hexes merely vanished.

"Give it up," Aqualad said. "Call an ambulance for Argent and treat the other Titans."

"Can't do," Beast Boy replied, studying the shield. He looked at Jink. "Any ideas?"

"No pleasant ones," the sorceress replied, looking in sympathy at Aqualad. "At least not for him."

The aquamancer studied his enemies. "Now, don't be too hasty," he pleaded.

"You dropping the barrier?" Jinx asked.

"No."

"Then it sucks to be you," the girl answered. "Bring it in," she called out and a Billy clone marched in the room holding a small transparent bag.

Aqualad blinked. "Is that . . . ."

"It is," Jinx said. "Give it up now or little Jimmy the shrimp here goes to the big blue ocean in the sky." She held her hand against the bag which held a tiny shrimp.

"Monster," the aquamancer cried, face white with tears of rage running down his cheeks.

"Your choice," Jinx said, shaking the bag. "Of course to me he's just another bite at those fancy parties I never got invited to. I wonder what they taste like."

"Stop." Aqualad was trembling, as was the barrier of water he still held in place. "Stop it. Please."

Jinx licked her lips, drooling. "You ever eat shrimp?" she asked.

"Course not," Aqualad screamed in outrage, in shock. "Would you eat a person?"

"I would," the girl replied without hesitation.

Aqualad stared. "You would?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because . . . ." The boy had no words to explain something so basic.

Jinx opened the bag and, taking a small bottle from her pocket, fed the fish a small pill. "It has five minutes to live," she said coldly.

Aqualad sobbed. Still, despite his love for the poor and soon to be dead shrimp, he knew his duty was to the Titans. He held the barrier in place.

"Frig," Jinx viciously snarled, exasperated. She flung the dying shrimp at the barrier. "Take it and watch it die, idiot," she screamed in pure fury at the man, face turning blood red, teeth bared.

Triumphant, Aqualad brought the fish through the barrier into his hand. He would heal it and the dire hostage situation would be over. He would maintain the barrier and . . . . The man frowned. "It isn't poisoned," he said.

"No, but you are," Jinx said, watching as the boy raised a hand to claw at his throat. "Sucks to be you, hero."

The aquamancer felt his knees start to buckle and his breathing became ragged. Through the barrier of perfect, crystal-clear water he saw the smile of victory on the face of his inhuman and cruel foe. Then he fell forward, crashing to the floor as did his impervious barrier.

"You were right," the pink-haired girl mused, watching a frog hop from Aqualad's throat. "He was the toughest foe." She studied the boy when he returned to human form and found herself smiling. Like her he understood that when people started to feel they ceased to think. The aquamancer had clearly been brilliant; at least until emotion had compelled him to bring his own defeat through his incredibly powerful defenses. If he'd stopped to think he would've realized there was a sea louse hidden in the mouth of the shrimp, and that Beast boy had been nowhere to be seen in the room.

"He's okay," Beast Boy said, placing the shrimp in a pool of water.

"Aqualad or the shrimp?" Jinx wondered.

"Both."

The battered gang of villains wearily turned to stare at the vault door. It'd been built to withstand any attack Trigon could throw at it. With a shrug Jinx raised her left hand and threw a single hex at the door. It opened.

"Anticlimactic," Beast boy muttered.

"Very," Jinx agreed. "Get ready. One more hero to take down."

Having watched the battle, Robin was ready. She was in position, satchel of explosive discs in her right hand, when the door opened. Without hesitation she swiped the hand in front of her, sending the entire contents of the bag flying. Twenty-three disc soared through the air to find new homes on the walls, floor, and ceiling of the room. As one they exploded.

Beast Boy staggered, nearly dropping to the floor as nearly all his remaining clones vanished to be reabsorbed by the whole.

 _"Crap,"_ Jinx muttered, sending hexes into the vault. Behind her the remaining fourteen Billy clones raised their fists.

An instant later the dazed Beast Boy clone was covered in a layer of frost which collapsed to the ground, psychic shock having destroyed the remains of the Beast Boy army.

Panicked, a desperate Jinx rolled backwards, raising her hands to cast hexes. She was savagely tossed to the ground when the hexes erupted as soon as they left her hands, having run into a dense cloud of gummy bear candy tossed by Girl Wonder. For a brief moment the girl laid on the floor, too dazed and tired to move.

Robin, moving with eye-blinding speed, turned on the Billy clones, deftly wielding a bo-staff with a skill few could match. Brutally smashed in the throat, the Billy clones ceased to be in fountains of sparks. In less than three brief seconds the Billy army, like the Beast Boy army, was no more.

Staff whirling with its edges sparking with a potent electrical charge, the defeater of Team Idiot turned on Jinx. The staff was less than an inch from her throat when a pale hand grabbed it in a grip that mocked steel. Robin, reacting with a speed no other mere human could ever hope to match, kicked at her new foe. it was like hitting a block of solid granite.

"So much trouble for one little girl," Connie said, whipping the staff out of the girl's hand. It was brought back to rest gently on Robin's head, sending her to the ground.

Jink blinked, breathing hard.

"The runes are ready," Connie said. "I came to see what was taking you so long." The girl turned away, leaving the job of dragging Robin to the transport truck to Jinx.

"Girl?" Jinx asked, pushing herself off the floor. "We came after Robin, a boy."

"Don't know, don't care," Connie said, pausing in the doorway. "All I know is that's the Titan of Lust." She pointed at Robin. "Bring her to the circle. All hail Lord Trigon."

"All hail Lord Trigon," Jinx obediently replied without hesitation.


	9. Chapter 9

Note: _Reader beware, if you think poor Robin has had it bad so far, think again._

Trigger Warning: _Writing this, I feel compelled to mention it is rated M, and that if you're a fan of Robin, don't read. Poor guy, or gal, whichever. *shudder* At the moment, I'm thinking s/he might deserve some compassion and happiness at the end of the story._

 _ **The Wedding**_

"Are you two okay?" Jinx asked, dragging an unconscious Robin to the team's mobile headquarters, a transport truck.

"He's out cold," Billy said, referring to Beast Boy. "Other than that he seems okay."

Jinx nodded and handed the leg of the girl she was dragging over to the man. "Tie her up," she commanded. "And make it good."

"Her?" Billy looked at Robin. "Who knew?" he said, scratching his head, clearly puzzled.

"Certainly not me," Jinx said, getting in the driver's seat. "Strip her first and use the full case of duct tape."

"I can't do that," the man yelped, blushing. "It would be wrong."

Jinx sighed. "I know what I'm getting you for your birthday, a dictionary. Villains are bad people, remember? We do bad things." When the man still looked reluctant she slid out of the driver's seat and handed the keys to the man. "Be careful," she ordered, knowing he was less than well-coordinated after having so many clones destroyed.

Eyes lighting up, Billy took the keys and slid into the seat. Jinx, meanwhile, stripped the girl who'd so effortlessly taken down so many of Team Idiot. _Mine are better,_ she noted with some satisfaction when she'd removed the girl's top. With Robin fully naked, except for her mask, she went to work with the duct tape, using roll after roll to ensure the girl would be able to move nothing from her fingertips to her arms and legs. With the girl now little more than a grayish blob she checked on Beast Boy, frowning when he didn't move.

"Some alcohol might do him good," Billy suggested.

"Not on my watch," Jinx retorted. She'd been around Billy Numerous long enough to know when to ignore him. Besides, given where they were going, who they were going to meet, being drunk was sheer suicide. They would just have to hope the boy came around before they got through the gate, before they met Trigon.

The truck pulled up beside the ten quad tankers, one now empty, and a waiting Connie who was idly dipping a finger into the indentations of the runes she'd drawn and licked it. "AB positive," she told the pink-haired girl who'd turned green. "Quite tasty."

Jinx swallowed and lowered her eyes, not meeting those of the strange girl who drank blood. Instead she looked around the circle, wondering how many people it'd required to fill the runes with that blood. Swallowing again, she turned back to the girl. "We have Robin, but why is he a she?"

"Don't know. Don't care." Connie stood and walked to the center of the circle. "Ready?"

"No. Beast Boy is still unconscious."

Connie sighed. "You do know Trigon won't be pleased if we use old blood for the ritual, right?" She pointed at the circle. "On the count of ten." The girl closed her eyes, remembering the taste of the fresh blood she'd just had. It'd been truly good. Then she braced herself and started the incantation. "Quia sanguis est anima et vita est virtus, et potestas sanguinis est. Qui obtulerit sanguinem et spurcissima, sambucae Fuscus. Admitte hanc circulus æstimas a tua virtute."

Within the circle the laws of nature bent to force the coexistence of two places at the same time. A wormhole powered by dark magic and a massive blood sacrifice.

"Forward," Jinx screamed at the quad trucks whose drivers were hesitant. "Triple pay for the first through, double for the second," she added, still bellowing the words. "Last through I leave behind in there." Nine of the trucks moved, slowly entering the pitch black sphere that'd formed over the circle. The girl nodded and Billy hit the gas. They too left the earth behind and entered the blasted landscape of a world in ruin. Azarath.

Jinx turned to Beast Boy. "Wake up," she screamed frenetically, adrenaline flooding her blood stream as panic possessed her. She slapped the boy, hard.

The shapeshifter reluctantly opened his eyes, wanting nothing more than to cut off his own aching head. "Ow," he said, sitting up. "What hit me?"

"A girl by the name of Robin," Jinx retorted. "Why didn't you tell me he was a she?"

Beast Boy blinked, then sniffed the air. "Smells like him, except for being female." Shaking his head, trying to think, the shapeshifter came up empty. "What's going on? Is it Trigon messing around?"

"If Trigon could do that from his prison, I doubt very much he would be in that prison," Jinx retorted.

"Better send the drivers home," Beast Boy said, deciding to focus on the task at hand.

Jinx nodded. Outside she handed out ten debit cards and pointed at the doorway back to the earth. The men, faces pale, took off running holding a whole year's worth of wages in their hands.

"Okay," Connie said. "Ready for the next step?" Impassively she eyed the shapeshifter.

"Already? We just got here. Don't you have to draw more runes?" Jinx looked around, shivering at the destruction.

"Someone drew them years ago," Connie answered.

"Oh right." Jinx forced herself to stand up straight and took a deep breath. "I'll never be ready, so might as well do it now."

Feeling the same, the strange girl nodded and walked to a large circle that was half buried under debris.

"Don't you need blood to open the gate?" Jinx asked.

"My blood is a lot more potent than any human blood," Connie replied, extending inch-long claws on her right hand. Without hesitation she tore them along the wrist and palm of her left hand, opening five deep slashes that gushed glowing-red blood that hissed upon meeting the air. Still glowing, causing Team Idiot to shrink back as they sensed the dark power it held, the blood fell in streams to the ground where it ran in rivulets, carving tiny channels in the solid stone as it did so. Once again the strange girl chanted the ritual incantation to open the portal. Then, faster than any mere human, she turned and dashed back through the portal that led to the earth. "No mistakes," she hissed in passing.

Jinx reached into the truck and dragged out a struggling Robin whose eyes were wide with fear and disbelief. Meeting those of the pink-haired girl that look changed to pure fury.

"All's going according to plan, sir," Beast Boy told the girl who was wrapped securely in duct tape. "I'll admit though that this whole villain gig has lasted a longer than I expected. You think maybe I'm good at it? Hope I get to see that psychiatrist soon." The boy frowned and his eyes turned to covertly glance at Jinx. "But not too soon. This is fun," he whispered.

Unable to speak, Robin stared angrily back at the boy, wondering what he was talking about. Something in the back of her head told her she should know, but at the moment she was too scared and angry to think. Her eyes opened wider and her fear grew greater when Trigon stepped out of the portal.

"Freedom," the great beast bellowed across the torn landscape, raising his hands as if to embrace the sky. "At long last my time has come." The sixty-foot figure glanced down at the insects. "Where is the Titan of Lust?" he demanded, six eyes all ablaze with rage.

Billy, Beast Boy, and Jinx all pointed at Robin who, quite understandably, was trying to roll under the truck.

The massive figure of Trigon bent down, studying the bound girl. "Strange. Last time we met you were a boy. But I guess this suits my purpose just as well." The being focused, then cursed under its breath in an unknowable language." It rose to turn its very much unwanted attention back to Team Idiot. "And how am I supposed to mate with an insect?' it demanded.

For a short while Team idiot looked confused. Then Billy understood. "You mean your pee-pee won't fit," he said, looking from sixty-foot demon to five-foot girl. He frowned, going pale. "Wow. That's going to hurt going in," he said.

"Understatement of the year," Jinx added, looking in pity at a frantically struggling Robin. "Might need some lubricant for that, honey."

Beast Boy scratched his head. "Can't you shrink?"

Trigon roared in anger. "I am still bound to my cage. The size of the circle you used to summon me determines my size here."

"Oh." The shapeshifter shrugged. "It just has to be sex right?" He looked between the two and shrugged again. "Seems to me she'll be a perfect fit the other way around."

Jinx shook her head. "He's a she, remember. And even if she were still a he, I seriously doubt Robin had a pee-pee big enough to satisfy that." She pointed at Trigon's rear.

Beast Boy nodded. "She wouldn't, or rather he wouldn't, or . . . ." The boy shook his head. "He or she, that doesn't matter. What I meant is that she, all of her, would be the right size."

Jinx blinked while Robin increased her panic-stricken struggles. "I see," Jinx said. "That might work." The girl looked up at a frowning Trigon. "Would it?"

"You mock me." The words were uttered with such darkness that Team idiot drew closer together for illusionary comfort. "But it would." Trigon looked around, then shrugged. If it was this or prison again, he would take this.

"No . . . ." Came a long, high-pitched scream as Robin finally chewed through the duct tape around her mouth. "Stop. This is wrong. This is so wrong."

"Stop talking," Trigon said, holding the girl up to his face. "I hate dildos, and I hate talking dildos even more." He frowned. "But if it's any comfort to you, you'll be remembered as the guy, I mean woman, who took my backside cherry."

"I'll gladly skip the honor," Robin begged. "I'm not worthy."

"No one is," Trigon admitted with a dark sigh, holding the girl in his left hand. Wondering how to proceed, he knelt and placed Robin on the ground, standing upright. Then, still holding the girl with his left hand, he turned around . . . .

"Well, . . . . I don't know what to say," Beast Boy admitted, listening to the grunts of the giant beast as he did the deed.

"Me either," Jinx replied, eyes not moving from the duo who, by demon law, were now being wed. "I wonder if there'll be cake?"

 _ **Home Sweet Home**_

The bookstore girl, Connie, walked through what most would've called hell. It wasn't, there being another place with that name; few though would've been able to tell the difference. She could. This was her home. Here she'd been born to a mother and father that'd loved her dearly. Here she'd played with friends and hunted hidden pools of blood. Here she'd had her first kiss and made love for the first time. Here, a child of despair, she'd lived her first ten thousand years in torment as the Keeper of Knowledge for her people.

The girl's feet splashed through the molten rock of Trigon's domain, dishonoring the blood of her people. That blood ran plentiful now, putting forth light that dazzled her eyes, causing agony. But then, that was the nature of this place. Kneeling, she lowered her lips into the blood and drank deep as she had not since before humanity had concocted the idea of vampires and werewolves.

Connie stood again to gaze across the land of her people. A people that Trigon had made for amusement. That foul beast had made them a good people. a noble race that longed for peace and happiness. But he'd made their blood from the molten rock of this cursed world, and he'd made them hunger for more. The girl looked down and splashed the blood with her foot. Back then there'd been no more except for what existed as the blood of the people. To get it one had to kill. Despite Trigon's temptation her people had, for the most part, resisted that urge for ages. To that beast it hadn't mattered. He'd been able to feel the need within them, the agony that infused every second of their lives. And he'd been content to wait, basking in that misery, until her people had broken. They'd fought their wars over blood, then bred more people with that blood only to fight more wars. With the idea of suicide abhorrent, a concept burned into their very souls by Trigon, it'd continued for generations. Then they'd made the pact and fought to the last of their kind. She'd been the last - a single being with no other of her kind and no way to continue the atrocity. The later made her happy; the former tore at her heart.

Determination lit the girl's eyes and she headed for her destination, the throne of Trigon. In actuality it was merely a pile of black rock that had formed from fossilized cells, cells the cruel demon had shed over the eons. Connie smiled. For all his terrible power her God had his weaknesses. Though able to see nearly all that occurred within the plane he dwelt in, the beast could only see outside of that plane by deliberate use of his power. While the others kept him busy she was free to wander here, to take what she'd come for. With the smile becoming a grin, she stepped onto the throne.

 _ **A Fish Out of Water**_

Aqualad, not having been sedated, came to soon after Team Idiot left. _I failed,_ was the boy's first thought, tempered with disbelief. _I failed. And poor Jimmy._ His eyes came across the tiny shrimp and his desire for self-condemnation halved. "Hello, Jimmy," the boy said, rushing to pick up his friend. "Boy, am I glad you're okay. That Jinx is crazy."

"No, really," the aquamancer insisted after hearing Jimmy's side of things. "She was going to eat you."

His first course of action, once he'd checked on his fellow Titans, was to call an ambulance for Argent. While sedated she might not feel much pain, but that would without a doubt change once she started to wake up. The next was to move the other Titans to the infirmary where he gave them a thorough checkup, paying extra attention to Starfire. He was tempted to do the same with Raven but his code of honor, and strong sense of self-preservation, kept him honest.

With medical sensors set to alert him if anything went wrong with his friends he then checked the security footage. There was none. It seems Jinx had used a few hexes on the way to the vault, scrambling the system. He would've asked Jimmy if he'd seen what happened, but he was sure the poor thing was traumatized and didn't want to add to that. So he waited.

"Where's Robin?" Cyborg asked, his cybernetic system having help clear the sedative from his system.

"Gone." Aqualad hung his head in shame, wondering what else he could tell the man.

"Where's Robin?" Raven asked, her body having purged the sedative from her system.

"Gone." Aqualad still didn't know what to add to that.

Raven stood and stretched, noting the many bruises and scratches her body bore. "You know what I should've done?" she said, frowning, angry at herself. "I should've put Robin in Azarath. Team Idot would never have got to him there." Still frowning, she checked on Bumblebee, using her power to numb the pain the woman would feel when she woke up. "I'm going to kill Beast Boy and Jinx," she said, frowning, noting the porcupine quills in her lover's foot. "I'll send them to Trigon and see how they like that."

Cyborg stood and checked the tower's electronic systems. "If I knew where the T-car was, I could get it back while they're busy." He looked at Raven. "What?" he asked, seeing her staring at him.

"What's more important? Saving the T-car or saving Robin?"

"The T-ca. . . ." The man flinched. "I mean saving Robin."

"Is there a way to track her?" Aqualad asked.

"I had a transmitter on her," Cyborg replied, still scanning the tower's systems, "but it seems to be out of range or destroyed."

Raven looked around the infirmary at the sleeping Titans, eyes resting for a few seconds on Bumblebee. "We should've asked the Justice League for help," she admitted.

"Better do it now," Cyborg told her. "We're still unsure of the situation, and they might be able to help."

It was a little under an hour when the Flash and Vixen showed up. Both were eager for a second chance at Team Idiot. More help was promised if needed.

"The signal," Cyborg bellowed, just as the two Justice league agents arrived. "I got a signal." He leapt from his chair as if possessed and ran. A few seconds later their Titan's communicators gave an alert.

 _ **Back to Robin's Ordeal**_

"Is it actual sex if he doesn't . . . you know . . . cum?" Beast Boy asked.

"No idea," Jinx replied, eyes still on the event.

"How long does it have to be to count?" Beast Boy wondered aloud.

"No idea," Jinx admitted.

"Can she breathe in there?"

"Hope so," Jinx answered. "Might not be the freshest air though."

"Can . . . ."

"Beast Boy," Jinx growled.

"Yes?"

"Shutup."

The shapeshifter gulped and was quiet for all of five seconds. "She's really into this whole undercover thing," he said, admiring the sense of duty the Titan leader had. "I expected her to call it all off."

"You wouldn't get to see a psychiatrist then," Jinx said, doing a facepalm.

"True," Beast Boy said. "It's great to have friends like her."

Jinx nodded, agreeing.

Trigon stood, panting. "Done," he said.

"Don't you have to cum for it to count?" Jinx asked, recalling Beast Boy's words.

Trigon frowned at the woman. "You're the ones who messed up the circle," he pointed out.

"True," Jinx quickly admitted, not daring the question the demon further.

The massive creature continued to frown. "Before I always cummed," he admitted. "Better make sure." The frowned deepened. "This is really going to hurt." He looked at Robin. "Both of us," he added. "A lot." The beast stretched out, penis towering into the air. It was at least twice the length one would've expected and a lot thicker. "This is going to really hurt," Trigon repeated with a grimace. Then he placed Robin's head on top of his erection and pushed with the girl sliding down into his urethra, the pee hole, until just her feet showed. Trigon's cry of agony sent Team Idiot to the ground where they sat and stared in horror.

"Done," Trigon manage to gasp out ten minutes later. He placed Robin gently on the ground. "We're now married."

Robin just sat there, not answering. Her eyes were distant points of fury that promised hellfire for a certain shapeshifter and pink-haired sorceress.

Jinx glanced at her two companions and knew it was up to her, the leader, to step forward. "Now for your part of the bargain," she said.

Trigon nodded. "You brought me the Titan of Lust, betraying your companions, your people, your world, your whole universe to do so." He studied them. "Is a few trinkets worth it?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "Won't you win in the end anyway? With this we just make sure we get what we want before everything is gone."

"True," Trigon admitted. "Very wise of you." He studied the Rings of Azar each member of Team Idiot wore. "To ensure your loyalty I give you a gift." The demon smiled.

Beast Boy felt a tingle pass through his body, causing him to step back. "What did you do?" he asked, heart racing. He frantically twisted the Ring of Azar, praying it worked.

Jinx also felt a tingle and frowned with her right hand moving to coveri the ring on her left hand. Her heart hit two-hundred beats a minute.

Billy took a step back, knowing this was the biggest heist he'd ever been part of and ever would be. He then stood his ground, knowing this would make him a legend. He too, though, touched the ring he wore, needing its comfort.

"In due time you will find out," Trigon assured them.

"And the land?" Beast Boy asked in a nervous whisper.

Trigon stood to his full height and looked around. "It's undone," he said.

"That was the reward for bringing the Titan of Lust," Jinx said, knees shaking. She turned her eyes towards the quad tankers. "About those?"

Trigon nodded, considering the deal. The quad tankers cease to exist while dozens of bright-red gems fell to the soil in front of Team Idiot. "The deal is complete," he said. "And the circle starts to lose its power. When the Titan of Lust enters the world of man once again, I will be free." He grinned. "But a reward for my bride least you think to betray me and kill her here, keeping me sealed." He glanced at the silent woman, then disappeared.

"We're still alive," Jinx said, falling to the ground. "By all that's holy, we're still alive."

Beast Boy nodded, looking around the land that'd once been Raven's home. "But this wasn't our main goal. It's just icing on the cake."

Feelung dizzy with relief, Jinx stood. "We better get back and see if Connie got what she went in for."

'"If I go back, Trigon goes free," Robin said, still in shock. "Why?"

"All according to plan, sir." The shapeshifter blinked. "Or is that ma'am now?"

"Whatever," Robin replied, struggling against her bindings, knowing it was futile.

"And you don't need to worry." Beast Boy winked at Robin. "I told Jinx and Billy about the plan, ma'am."

 _Plan,_ Robin idly wondered, pondering the best way to commit suicide before she was taken back to earth, before she became a portal for Trigon.

Jinx bent to pick up the red gems, smiling. "Even if Connie doesn't get what we wanted, this is still something," she said. "Thirty-six. Four for each tanker."

Billy stared, struck silent. "Big time for a small-time villain like me," he finally said, studying the sparkling gems. "Really big."

"But I'm still wondering what that tingling sensation was," Beast Boy said, fretting over it. "Anyway, regardless of what it was, we need to get back. The portal home won't last forever, and I'm not sure Connie would come for us."

Billy caerfully lifted Robin into the truck, making sure the duct tape was still keeping her secure. He then placed a Titan's communicator on the duct tape close to her mouth. "When you get back, you know how to use it."

"As if it matters," Robin retorted. "Trigon will destroy everything."

Billy laughed. "Don't worry," he assured the girl. "Villains don't make fair trades."

Robin frowned, but even so she knew a bit tongue wouldn't kill her fast enough. She would still be alive when the truck crossed through the portal. Best to be ready to call the Titans via the communicator and warn them of what was to come. Perhaps the Justice League would be of help. Perhaps . . . . She prayed, though not being religious she had no idea who to.

The truck crossed through the portal and she was rolled outside. Beast Boy was even kind enough to hit the button so she could speak.

 _ **The Flash and Kid Flash, Birds of a Feather**_

"She's back," Jinx said, seeing there was just one portal when they returned to the earth.

Beast Boy nodded, pointing to the empty quad truck that'd been left behind. On it there was scrawled the words, 'call me.'

Billy hit the gas, heading rapidly away from the point where they expected the Titans to soon arrive. They were beyond tired and in no shape for a fight. Team Idiot, having just done battle with ten powerful Titans and bargained with Trigon the Personification of Evil, desperately needed time to recuperate. Beast Boy, with his head aching, couldn't risk making clones. Billy, having just suffered a huge psychic backlash an hour before, was in much the same condition. Jinx was out of magic and just wanted to relax. They would be easy game for any decent hero to roll up. Or villain to attack.

"Whatever Trigon did to us," Jinx wearily said, trying to sound hopeful, "we'll be long dead before he gets free. That's unless some idiot actually tries to free him."

"Heaven forbid," Beast Boy said, cringing. "Anyway, best not think about it. When Robin calls me back from undercover, or I get caught, I'll ask Raven about it. If anyone can figure out what he did, it's her."

Jinx nodded. "Best not to worry." She was still trying to believe that when the truck came to a stop with the Flash having made a circle around the vehicle, taking the time to carefully remove all the tires. Being a kind-hearted soul, he placed them on the truck roof so they could be replaced. Just not by those currently inside.

"You fight him," Beast Boy said to Billy.

'"Let me nap first," the man said. "Have Jinx fight him."

"You can go first," Jinx said, pointing to Beast Boy.

"Ladies first," the boy insisted, watching as the Flash patiently tapped his foot on the pavement.

"I agree," Jinx said adamantly. "Ladies first, and this lady is taking a break first."

"Never argue with a lady," Billy told the shapeshifter. "You go first."

Beast Boy sighed, admitting defeat. "Okay," he said, stepping from the truck. He sighed again when Vixen landed beside the Flash. "Look, I'm tired," he started. "Can't we reschedule for next week?"

"No," the two Justice League heroes chorused as one.

Beast Boy scratched his head. "Don't make me have to use this," he said, drawing a spear from the truck.

"The Spear of Longinus," Vixen said. She blinked.

"Thanks," the Flash said, smiling. "I can make good use of this."

"Didn't your mother teach you not to steal?" Beast Boy asked, ruefully shaking his head.

"I've learned to enjoy stealing from thieves," the Flash said. He looked at the spear, still smiling. Then he frowned and place the other hand on it, tugging.

"How many times have you saved the day by dashing into a lair and stealing the all-powerful-thingy from the villain?" Beast Boy asked, casually sitting on the hood of the truck.

"Lots," the Flash admitted, still pulling on the spear.

"Well, I'm going to tell you what your mother would," Beast Boy said. "Karma's a bitch."

"I'm starting to figure that out," the Flash said. "But I can get rid of this anytime." He started to vibrate his hands, only to be knocked back on his behind.

"Try again?" Beast Boy suggested. "I'm in no hurry. I need the break."

The Flash was knocked back a second time. "It's glue," the man said, standing up, still radiating confidence. "If I go fast enough it'll melt." The fastest man alive went to go supersonic. He was knocked off his feet while the spear remained in his hands.

"Try again?" Beast Boy suggested, wondering if the crude contraption would hold.

"I don't need super speed to handle you," the Flash said, boasting as he arrogantly strolled forward. He was knocked off his feet. The man sat there for a while. "Friction will generate heat," he said and moved his hands on the staff as much as the glue would allow. The poor guy was knocked over.

Vixen raised an eyebrow. "I don't see this going anywhere good," she said, staring at the shapeshifter.

"I'll just break it," the Flash decided, grinding his teeth.

"I wouldn't if I were you," Beast Boy cautioned, crossing his fingers.

The Flash rammed the handle of the spear down on his knee. He was knocked to the ground again. When he tried to stand the spear was now stuck to his knee as well as both hands, forcing him to hobble while bent over.

"You don't think we would use something so easily breakable for a decoy, do you?" Beast Boy asked, sounding insulted.

"Not anymore," came the growled reply.

Beast Boy watched as the man inched closer to him, already knowing the hero's plan. Get close and get him stuck on the spear as well. That would keep him from fleeing. He tapped a button and the Flash was sent falling backwards. "Almost anything can be turned into electricity," he told the man. "Motion can be, so if you move you know what happens. Same with heat, so if you try to use friction you know what happens." He shrugged. "Technically even an impact, like hitting it with a hammer or cutting it with a saw, will generate energy."

"Freezing," the Flash said immediately.

"That might work," Beast Boy admitted. "Once the battery is drained that is. Good luck surviving that."

"I have a feeling I'm going to be late for tonight's date," the Flash said, disgruntled. "You know how humiliating that'll be? The fastest man alive, late? It's absurd."

"I'm not good with tools," Beast Boy admitted, "so I can't take credit for it. Billy put it together when I asked him to." He nodded, looking satisfied. "Worth every m&m I paid him for it."

"You paid him in candy?" Vixen asked.

"Anything can be used as a currency," came the satisfied reply.

"Hope you didn't steal them from a baby?" Vixen muttered. "I wouldn't put it past you."

"Course not, they were at least five years old," Beast Boy joked.

Vixen shook her head and sighed. "Guess I'm up," she said.

"Didn't think you would be back on duty yet," Beast Boy told the attractive woman, carefully looking her over, drooling a little. "Hope everything healed all right."

"I threatened to quit if they didn't let me have the chance to fight you again," the woman said with a nasty smile, recalling the pain the boy had put her through. She was going to do more than just kick him where it hurt, though she was certainly planning to do that as well.

Beast Boy cast a questioning look back at Jinx who was still in the truck. The pink-haired girl nodded, frowning, not at all liking the look the boy had given the attractive woman seconds earlier. Why it bothered her she didn't know. It just did. The girl shook her head and focused on the task at hand - surviving this encounter with the Justice League. Inside her something changed.

The shapeshifter stood on the ground, waiting.

Vixen grimly called on the power of a gorilla, eagerly rushing in to kick the boy. It was the same attack she'd opened up with last time, but today she'd made sure to wear boots no quill would get through. The boy didn't shift into an animal, merely fell back. Then the world around the woman erupted in a blast of energy that sent her flying. She brutally crashed to the ground thirty feet away. Stunned, the woman only had the time to summon the power of an elephant before she was sent rolling on the ground by the massive tail of a thirty-foot crocodile. To her horror, and bad luck, she came to a rest butt first on the spear the Flash was holding. Not only that, but the man's left hand was now in an awkward place between her legs, resting solidly against the most private of private parts. Trying to stand the spear moved. Both her and the Flash received a severe electrical shock, sending them together to the ground.

Not having the energy to set another trap, Jinx gave a sigh of relief, glad things had gone right the first time around.

"Good job," Beast Boy said, getting into the van where he sank wearily into a seat while Billy rushed out to replace the tires.

"You too," Jinx said. "How did you know she would step on that particular piece of ground?"

"It was the best place to kick from." He smiled at the sorceress, noting how pretty her eyes were.

"Oh." Jinx nodded, having known the answer herself, but wanting to question the boy's potential. Back on that first day when he'd interrupted her and Kid Flash she would've never guessed he was so capable.

Soon the vehicle was on its way again.

 _ **Where's the Portal**_

Cringing at every sound she heard, wondering if it was Trigon, Robin called for help. Cyborg, Raven, and Aqualad arrived less than ten minutes later. To the girl's fury, a fury that eclipsed what she felt towards Jinx and Beast Boy, the cybernetic man was riding her motorcycle, pulling Aqualad in the small red wagon. Above them flew Raven.

When she mentioned the portal that she'd passed through the half-demon woman had gone pale and pulled out her communicator. It seemed portals usually required large amounts of blood, meaning people had to be missing and dead. When she'd mentioned the red gems the half-demon woman had gone silent, wondering what the tankers could've held of such value to a demon. Then, knowing she had to spill it all, that the earth and its people came first, Robin mentioned the sexual acts Trigon had performed. At that the half-demon girl had merely raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe now you know what it's like to be a woman who's seduced by someone under false pretense," the demonic girl had said, not at all sympathetic. "Someone who tapes those sexual encounters, creating tapes which can be used for blackmail should any villain get access to them. Someone who leads an incredible woman like Starfire on for years, always teasing her with promises, never fulfilling them, never setting her free. You did that for six years."

"The portal?" Robin had simply asked, knowing the woman was right.

"It should've opened as soon as you got here," Raven explained, giving the girl a relieved smile. "Since it didn't that means something was wrong with the ceremony and it won't happen, that it's safe. The risk is gone until Trigon gets hold of you again for another try at . . . at what he did to you."

"Oh." Robin had sunk back onto the ground, waiting while she was unwrapped from around two-dozen rolls of duct tape. "Hope I didn't get pregnant," she added a while later.

 _ **Morning After**_

Within their lair Team Idiot was sound asleep. Billy was dreaming of strip poker with Starfire, while a naked Jinx and a naked Beast Boy were in bed together. Despite her exhaustion, Jinx had decided to go back for seconds and had enjoyed it just as much as she had the first time.

Within her bookstore Connie was sitting, happily eating her morning meal of human flesh. While it wasn't the blood of her people, corpses did possess fragments of the soul the body had once housed. It kept her alive and, best of all, there was plenty of it. In a world of billions there were countless accidents and she merely had to scavenge the result. A hatred of killing had been built into her people, and she desired little more than her books, peace, and to never have to kill again. To that goal she'd robbed Trigon of a piece of his throne.

She knew how the upper eyes of Trigon worked. They scanned the whole of a dimension, learning all there was to see. But when it encountered his own power those eyes assumed the lower eyes would see it, that through them Trigon would know whatever there was to see. By burying a twenty-ton chunk of that rock, his own fossilized flesh, in the center of Jump City she'd ensured those upper eyes would never be able to see into the city. It was also the rock that was used for the Rings of Azar. The power the demon wielded was powerful enough to hurt even Trigon himself, and of its own volition that power would turn aside from any who possessed such a stone. The foul god of her people would be hard pushed to use his full power now in her home.

The goth girl who was tens of thousands of years old, time being different in Trigon's domain, smiled and licked her lips as she nibbled at the severed, bloody arm of a human girl. She knew many humans considered it an abomination to eat their dead, but she wasn't human. To her kind it was an honor, even a necessity, lest the precious blood that could be used for another soul be lost. She always thanked the spirit of the flesh she ate, hoping it would forgive her.

Raven awoke with Bumblebee still asleep, cuddled up to her. The woman's foot had been healed, but even so it'd placed a stress on her body best treated by rest. So, gently and with a fond smile, she'd eased her arms and legs away from the clinging woman and dressed. Despite the situation the half-demon girl felt well rested with the dark, nagging sensation she always felt in the back of her mind severely reduced. It was as if she were now within some barrier that prevented her father's attempt to break her. Happy and optimistic, she leaned down and kissed her lover on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, precious," she murmured before turning to leave the brightly painted room.

In the infirmary, her first stop to check on Kid Flash, she saw Vixen and the Flash were still securely glued together with the fake Spear of Longinus. Cyborg had mentioned how simple the contraption was, yet even he hadn't been able to free the two so far.

"Bet he won't make fun of me so much now," Kid Flash signed.

"For sure," Raven replied, smiling. It was her birthday and the world was still around. She'd examined Robin with several different types of magic and there was nothing to suggest she could open a portal to Trigon. Whatever the ritual had done, the world was safe. And while the ordeal the girl had gone through was rather extreme, it seemed she'd learned something . . . sex, as well as love, was something to be shared, not taken with false words or by force. Back in the tower Robin had gone directly to Starfire and, on her knees, apologized for the six years of deception.

"Any news?" she asked the super-fast boy?

"Superman searched the city. No sign of Team Idiot," he signed. "Well hidden wherever they are."

Raven nodded. "That's to be expected from someone who understands the animal world. They have a hundred ways of hiding."

"There was a break-in at a blood bank yesterday," Kid Flash added. "Seems someone stole over a million liters of blood." The boy shook his head, disgusted. "Hate to think what they want that for."

 _Team Idiot,_ Raven immediately knew. _That's where they got the blood for the rituals. They didn't kill anyone._ Heart even lighter than it had been before, seeing things in the infirmary, even if sticky, were going well, Raven wandered around the Tower, ending up in the kitchen.

"Morning," Superman said to the girl with a cup of hot coffee in his hand.

"Morning," Raven replied, smiling. "Sorry for all the trouble, but we do appreciate you taking the time to help out."

"It's my job," the man replied before taking a sip.

Raven looked around. None of the Titan's were there and she was hungry. Almost she was tempted to try cooking. Surely she could toast some waffles, right?

"I was told I could save the world by keeping you from cooking," the man of steel said. "He became a blur and seconds later there was a second plate on the table with eggs, bacon, toast, and a cup of steaming coffee.

"Thanks." Raven smiled again. "They say I'm a danger in the kitchen, but it can't be that bad; no one actually died from all the horrors I accidentally summoned."

Sitting down to eat, she casually chatted with the man of steel. She'd just finished when Batman rushed into the room. "There's a situation outside," he said before dashing off. Moving at incredible speed, Superman vanished from view. Raven, knowing the day was going to be a peaceful one, took the time to walk.

"What is it?" Batman demanded, holding a guy in a delivery suit up against the side of a truck? "Who sent it and how do I disarm it?"

The delivery boy was obviously frightened of the masked maniac and could only stutter. "B-B-Birth-day," was all he managed to get out before he was once again slammed against the van.

"I can't scan it," Superman said, frowning with a serious look in his eyes. He looked at Raven. "But I can feel it's magical."

Raven stooped to stare at the cubic meter of black rock that stood beside the van's back doors. "Can't be," she said. While her knowledge of the black rock was limited it did explain why Trigon's influence over her had been so reduced. The girl licked her lips, eyeing the small bag and envelope on top of the boulder. "The rock isn't dangerous," she told Batman, reassuring him. "At least not in its raw state."

"What is it?" Superman asked, wondering if the delivery boy needed rescuing.

"I'm not sure where it comes from, but it's the raw material for the Rings of Azar. It's a ward against Trigon's influence. If he ever gets loose, something like this would be invaluable in fighting him." She took the bag from the black rock and looked inside.

"What is it?" Batman asked a full minute later, carefully looking at the girl who seemed stunned, or perhaps under some malevolent force.

"Power beyond words," a dazed Raven quietly answered, holding a sparkling red gem up to the morning sun. "It's a drop of Trigon's blood."

"Should I get rid of them in the sun?" Superman quietly inquired, not liking the change in the girl's demeanor.

Raven grinned, replacing the gem in the bag. "Sorry. These gems are the blood of an immortal being who can never die. If used correctly they can heal any wound, no matter how severe. They're so powerful they can even raise the dead, assuming they died recently and still have a body to use the blood on."

"Raise the dead?" Superman repeated, eyebrow raised. "Very useful, to say the least, but can Trigon affect a person through them?"

"For a few days there might be a very slight increased risk that he could," Raven admitted. "But it goes away after three days. Basically this is just ordinary medicine. A medicine that can bring back a dead person." She gulped. holding tight to the bag. There were nine gems in it.

The girl took the envelope and pulled out a card. Her eyes went wide with disbelief coursing through her very soul. "Wait here," she commanded, disappearing in a black flash of shadow that resembled a Raven.

The frowning girl stood in Azarath, looking across the devastated land when a white blob fell on her face. Raven raised a hand to wipe at the substance, thinking it was Beast Boy playing a trick on her. Then she looked up to see a small flock of maybe seven birds, none of whom were green, going about their daily business. A business that it seemed including doing their business on her. She turned away to continue looking across the broken landscape. Broken, but alive.

The girl turned around and around. There was rubble on the shattered streets of the city, but also a faint fuzzy green to their sides, contrasting with the white. Grass and flowers would soon break through the soil. The sky boated clouds that were white and fluffy. They also moved. She tilted her head and, in the distance, could hear this world's equivalent of birds chirping and the sound of crickets waking up to greet the bright, sunny day.

"How?" she asked to the empty air.

"Morning, daughter," a very familiar and welcoming voice greeted the girl.

Raven whirled around, knowing she dreaming. "Mom," she said, rushing into the arms that were held open for her.

"Some idiot played with something best left alone," another familiar voice said. "Welcome home Raven."

Raven opened an eye, peering over her mother's shoulder, to see Azar herself watching her. Immediately the half-demon girl went to her knees to say words she'd said a thousand times. But all those times there'd been no one to listen. "I'm sorry," she said, weeping uncontrollably. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Even if you'd not opened the way, he would've found access to this place in time," Azar said, comforting the girl. "I do trust though that you've learned your lesson. Trigon is not to be trifled with. Nor is he any kind of father."

Raven kept her head low. "I have," she assured the woman. Then, unable to contain herself, she looked around. "How?"

"Trigon was summoned here and he undid the spell of stone," Azar said. "Beyond that your guess is as good as mine. I do know that he now rages in his prison speaking of treachery and vowing revenge. While many of us are dead, most now live. Azarath is reborn"

"The prison still holds him?" Raven asked, needing reassurance.

"It does," Azar assured the girl.

An hour later Raven returned to the earth, knowing she had to explain to her friends. She descended upon the land to see Batman and Superman still waiting along with several of the Titans. "Morning," she said, pulling Bumblebee in for a long, deep, and very passionate kiss.

"You're happy this morning," Bee said, eyes filled with lust.

"In all the mornings of my life, there will be none happier," Raven said, kissing her lover again. Then she let go and dashed into the tower. She returned with the book titled, ' _Bride of the Most Evil One._ ' She held it in her hand, focusing her power. "A fake," she said.

"But you said it was made of human flesh and was centuries old," Robin countered.

"It is, but I can guess where one might find an empty book," Raven replied, recalling the girl at the Shady Coroner Bookstore. Briefly she wondered if she could get a refund to aid the team's failing finances, but the girl had never lied to her. The book was indeed one of a kind, having been written solely for a prank. And, she was sure, to the bookstore girl it'd been very amusing. "It was a prank by Team Idiot," she said, shaking her head, wondering at her green friend.

"A prank?" Robin and Cyborg said, looking at each other and then at the half-demon.

"For my birthday," Raven said happily. "He remembered my birthday and got me presents." She looked around, seeing the look on Batman's and Superman's faces. "Don't be angry at them," she pleaded. Raven turned away from them to smile at her friends. "We need cake," she said. "We can't have a party without cake."

"Raven? Cake?" Robin and Cyborg wondered together. That was when they knew the girl was crazy and needed to be locked up.

Unaware of her friends' determination to lock her up, Raven paused in thought as she studied Robin. _So,_ she asked herself _, if it wasn't my father, then how the heck did Robin become a girl?_ Not that the leader seemed unhappy with it. The girl was currently looking at her crush, Cyborg, as if they were sharing some secret knowledge.

 _ **End of Chapter**_

Just for the heck of it, what the incantation used by Connie says in English:

As blood is life and life is power, so is blood power. I offer blood to the one most foul, Trigon the dark one. Enable this circle with thy power.


End file.
